In the Middle of My Grouchiness

I’m having a grouchy day today. I feel prickly, moody, and absolutely disagreeable. Of course, I don’t show this in public because I am a good midwestern girl who strives to be outwardly agreeable. Disagreeableness is a hideous faux-pas among midwestern women. Shade is subtle in its application.

I’m sure it’s something I’m doing to myself with negative self-talk. I feel out of sorts; I then apply a good helping of “I’m an unlikeable person” to my psyche, and I become grouchy. Add to that some of my natural exasperation at minor things like trying to find a document that’s hiding from me and there we go — grouchy mood.

It’s Friday, and I’ve been waiting for the weekend all week. I think maybe I’ve had a grouchy week and not noticed. I don’t have things planned this weekend, which means some unplanned work on my NaNo project with a twist of working on promotion opportunities. And baptizing my iPad to some creative work.

But what do I need now in the middle of my grouchiness? I need some cognitive journaling, some contradiction of the thought patterns that trap me into grouchiness. Like “I’m an unlikeable person.” How do I know this? Do I read minds? Does everyone think I’m unlikeable? Isn’t that a huge number of people? Like I’m reading millions of people’s minds at this moment? How do I have time for anything else? I don’t think I believe in that statement anymore, it’s just so improbable. That’s cognitive journaling in a nutshell.