No, I’m Fine for Now

Daily writing prompt
Do you need a break? From what?

I don’t need a break. Yet.

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I just started the spring semester at work three weeks ago, and before that I had a three-week break. That’s the way it works in academia — we get decent breaks, but we don’t get to say when they’re going to be. No taking a week off in February to escape the snow.

So I’m pretty rested. I teach three classes in person (the fourth class is an internship) and I have intense teaching days on Tuesday and Thursday, but I don’t need a break from the routine yet.

By the time I get to Spring Break (early March), I will be more than ready for a break. More than ready.

Done with the book

I am finally done with “Hiding in Plain Sight”, my latest book. And I am done with the whole thing. I think this book needs a long hibernation in a dark drawer before I touch it again. It is not a good book, and I don’t say that lightly. It is the first draftiest version of a first draft I have written since my first copy of my first book. It tells rather than shows way too often, and I don’t know if it’s salvageable.

At the same time, I already know what I need to do with the last two chapters. I just don’t know if I have the energy to do it yet.

This Story

The story I’m writing is going so badly. I don’t think I’m ever going to finish it, even though it is mostly done. There’s not enough action in it; too much emotional drama; too much talking. There’s not enough there there.

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I should probably finish it and then relegate it to a figurative drawer somewhere to age. Or rot. I’m not sure which.

I’m not feeling a strong affinity to writing lately. It could be because of this book. It could be that I don’t like this book because I’m not feeling like much of a writer. I’m not sure which, but this book is making me grouchy.

Too much stuff

I have too much stuff. I have wearied of a materialistic lifestyle, although I don’t know what I’d do without the gadgets I have amassed over the years (sarcasm). I have some collectibles, and a collection of coffee pots (which I do use occasionally). All this stuff, however, is burdensome.

I dread the thought of ever having to move, or even clean out my garage. I think I would just sit in a corner and cry if I had to.

Why have I amassed all these things, so many of them not that useful? They crept into my life to solve problems. Isn’t that the way of consumer advertising, to play up a problem and then solve it? How many of these problems were phantom problems?

A lifetime of stuff is cluttering my house, and I don’t have the energy to deal with it.

If I Won the Lottery

Daily writing prompt
What would you do if you won the lottery?

My husband and I have put a lot of thought into what I would do if we won the lottery. (I’m assuming the big prize in the Powerball, even though we have less of a chance of winning that than getting hit by lightning.)

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The first thing we would do is get a lawyer. There are things we would need to get in order before we came forth and collected the winnings, and the lawyer could help. Then we would also get an accountant, because the plan is to live wisely within our means and invest our money.

Once we got our money, we would not make any big decisions for a year. We would explore our options (Do we want to move to Canada?) and make a list. The hardest part would be not retiring for a year — ok, I would probably retire before the year was out.

Then, I think we would go on a nice vacation.

If I Could Make My Cats Understand …

Daily writing prompt
If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

I have three cats, one of whom is attached to me very strongly. Chloe loves to sit in my lap and get petted. She is sitting next to me as I write, chatting at me and rubbing up against my sleeve. I don’t know if cats understand love, or if their attachment to us is just self-interest, as we are the beings that give them food and pettings.

I want my cats to understand that I love them, even though I don’t know if this has any meaning for them. My cats are precious to me, even when I yell at them. I want them to know they’re important in my life, and that I will miss them when they’re gone. I want my cats to know I’m there for them.

My cats won’t understand that. But they do understand that I keep them in a cozy place where they don’t freeze in the winter, and that I feed and pet them, and they understand that they get positive attention when they sit in my lap or rub up against me. Maybe that’s enough.

Sleeping?

Daily writing prompt
What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

This is not the thing I enjoy the absolute most, but it is the most unexpected choice for this question, and it’s something I enjoy very much.

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I enjoy sleeping.

The act of abandon, lying on a soft bed and surrendering to a state of altered consciousness, is a freeing action. The day’s tensions shut off, leaving only the awareness of dreams, themselves a revelation. Dreams are like surreal television, giving me something to think about in the morning.

Being able to disconnect for eight hours, a scheduled mini-vacation every night, blesses me with the stamina to get through another day. I smile in the morning most days, feeling rested. There are days I wake up and want more sleep, but I wait till the next night to climb back into bed and start my beloved sleeping.

Looking forward to retirement

Now and then this query comes up as a prompt on WordPress, and I think I answer it differently every time. My dream job at this time? Retirement. I’m 62, and I will work until 67; then I will retire. For the first time in my life, my dream job is within my reach.

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What will I do when I retire? Probably write a lot; get up later in the morning, wear sweats all day. I would find a purpose and Big Audacious Goals, but I would not be going into work in the mornings.

I will take being retired seriously, as I do all my jobs. I will give relaxing my best effort. I will make sure I do a great job of relaxing.

The Hat

When I was 12, my mother made a denim newsboy cap out of scrap jeans. It looked like this but slouchier because it wasn’t as stiff. I claimed it as my own, much to her dismay, because she wanted to wear it. She finally gave in, and I wore it almost everywhere but at school. I was a very fashionable little kid.

It was my companion for many, many years, having found its way to college with me. Eventually it got too threadbare, and I had to retire it to the garbage. “Eventually” in this case was when I was in my late thirties. So it’s been gone for a while, but it had a long life. 25 years. Especially when it was made with worn denim.

I miss that hat. A purchased denim newsboy cap does not have near the charm of my mother’s creation nor the workmanship, and maybe I’m at the age where it doesn’t suit me anymore. But if its twin showed up in my life, I would certainly buy it.

A Long, Healthy Life

Daily writing prompt
What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

Would I choose a long life? Only if it’s healthy. Would I choose a very long life?

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I’m 62 years old, and I am relatively healthy. Not as healthy as I could be; my kidneys are slightly off from some medicine I used to take, and I have a slightly larger heart than I should. I have bipolar disorder. A few medicines keep me in good shape.

I could see myself opting for a longer life. I don’t feel like I’ve lived long enough at this age. I have things I want to do, like retire and write. A few more years would be nice. Thirty or forty? Excellent. A hundred? Let me think about that.

Would I still have a purpose in my second century? I don’t know that I could live without a purpose. And that would depend on how healthy I am. If I spent my advanced years sick and decrepit, I don’t think that I would like to live that long.

The answer to whether I would like a very long life is ‘that depends on how healthy I am, and whether I had a purpose.’