Prayer for the New Year

I should preface this with the statement that I don’t know that I’m a Christian. I pray to God, but I do not feel comfortable with what Christianity stands for today — a right-wing identity politics that encompasses white supremacists, prosperity gospel, and a xenophobic populace. I am, at heart, a Quaker and a progressive one at that. A large number of Christians would say I’m not really Christian, and I’ll take their word for it.

But I pray:

I pray that we implement the vaccines for COVID quickly and fairly, so that we get a herd immunity of vaccinated people (the only way to get herd immunity without a higher body count).
I pray that we find a safety net for those unemployed by catching COVID or by being let go due to COVID shutdowns.
I pray that we find compassion in our world, especially for those who are discriminated against.
I pray that this country finds a unity in behavior that honors our neighbor, lifts up the downtrodden, and aids the poor no matter their religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, and disability status.
I pray that I find a way to make a difference in my own little corner of the world.

************

As I get older, I think differently about prayer. I believe we pray for a reason, but I believe less in that concept of deity that, in effect, grants wishes. Because not everyone’s wishes get granted — and not everyone’s wishes should be granted.

I do believe in what my good friend Mariellen said about prayer, that we give God our troubles and She hands them back in the morning with more strength to deal with them.

I also believe in prayer speaking to that of God in everyone, a good Quaker concept. What if prayer mobilizes those who hear it into action? That being said, I must be at heart a panentheist, believing that God is the gestalt of that of God in everyone, and that God speaks to the whole of humanity to see who will take the message up and create the miracle.

Therefore, when I pray like this, I speak to myself. I speak to the Gestalt. I hope someone listens.

Goals for the New Year

I don’t make resolutions for the New Year because resolutions are flimsy. They are usually worded vaguely. They’re often worded in results (which may not be realistic), and they’re not worded in a way that suggests the actions that need to be taken.

So once again (I think I’ve written about this before), I reach out for SMART goals. SMART stands for:

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time-bound.

So let’s take one common resolution (and one of mine, actually): To lose weight in 2016. What’s wrong with it?

There are so many things wrong with it. How many pounds a week? What is the process by which one will do it? What’s the time parameters? Why is this focused on the result (weight loss) and not the action (Changed habits)? Is it realistic? With no real parameters it can set someone up for failure.

We can change the goal to action-oriented: I will eat healthy and exercise.

Now, it’s not specific enough; let’s change it — I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day and walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week.

But there’s no time parameters. so let’s add them.: Starting January 1, I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day and walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week for the rest of the year, to be evaluated monthly.

This is a SMART goal. It’s easily followable, easy to see if it’s not working and needs adjusted.

So my goals for the year (not resolutions):

Starting January 1, I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day
Starting January 1, I will walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week, for the rest of the year, to be evaluated monthly.

These are typical resolution goals, but then there’s my writing goals broken down:

By March 31, I will send 50 queries out for Apocalypse to science fiction/fantasy agents from Query Tracker.
By October 31, I will send 50 queries out for Prodigies to science fiction/fantasy agents from Query Tracker.
By March 1, I will finish the rough draft for Gaia’s Hands.
By June 1, I will revise the rough draft of Kringle in the Night
By August 1, I will put the final touches on Kringle in the Night
By September 30, I will prepare Kringle in the Night for publication — formatting, copyright, and cover production; To be published by November 1.
By December 1, I will have three short stories written.

It’s good to have all this written out, because it will be easier to accomplish. Now to get the vision board built, because I will need it by January 1.

Thank you for being part of my writing ritual

It’s inevitable — after I write a blog post about losing my will to write, I have a productive day of writing. I should be ashamed of crying wolf all these times, but as I’m a writer, I’ll take it.

Writers often have their rituals — some have to have a room where they write, some use a specific pen or typewriter. Some warm up before they write, some have to listen to specific music.

Mine, apparently, is whining when I’m in a writing slump. And morning coffee, but I don’t think that’s a writing ritual as much as a general morning ritual. And writing my blog instead of starting straight into the novel or short story I’m writing.

That means you, reader, are part of my writing ritual. When I feel hopeless about writing, I look at my total visitors for the day. I only have a consistent average of 25-30 visitors at a time, but that’s more than I started with. You give me the belief that greater things (or at least a little bit better things) are possible for me.

I know I whine sometimes, but it’s because I’m scared I’m going to lose my writing. But I imagine you reading, and I feel better and the words come out.

Thank you.

Losing my Will to Write

I’m losing the will to get published.

It was my big goal for 2020, and I fulfilled it through self-publishing The Kringle Conspiracy. I got to do all the things I wanted to do with that publication — a book launch party, signing books. I didn’t sell many copies with royalties so far at $37, but it got the attention I thought it would get.

Now, I don’t feel the need to get published, which was the factor driving me to write. I am sitting on several books in the fantasy genre, and I’m having a horribly hard time getting the attention of agents. One has been sitting at DAW for so long with no response that I think it has mummified. I don’t want to self-publish them because I don’t know how to market them as they deserve.

So right now there is no stretch goal. There is no goal at all for my writing, and this is hard to struggle against. If anyone has any ideas for how I can get my mojo back, please let me know.

My life in writing

There’s days I’ve sat at my computer screen and ask myself, “What can I say that I haven’t already said?” And not just my blog, but stories in general?

Christopher Booker, in his book The Seven Basic Plots, holds that there are (you got it) seven basic plots in fiction out there, and that they all share one basic metaplot: being called to the action, a positive, almost dreamlike state, frustration, meeting the enemy, and resolution. If this is the case, nothing I write is original — unless you take into account the characters (especially the protagonist(s)), the setting, the specifics of the plot, etc. The reader expects the plot but revels in the journey to the end.

And so I keep writing, because I care about the characters first and foremost, and want to see how they fare on the journey. I want to see their journeys.

And I want to see my journey as well. In all of my posts, there is a journey, although sometimes (especially in writing Gaia’s Hands) I go in circles in the wilderness. My journey is not as sharp and clean as a novel or short story, and it doesn’t seem to have a plot. I doubt my memoirs will be worth reading. But as a series of essays, it may not be too bad.

The First Day After Christmas

As much as I love Christmas, I’m glad it’s over. Jolly is a temporary feeling, for which we should be grateful.

It’s nice to get back to the calm of a Saturday in normal time, past the frenzy, not absorbed with Christmas preparations. I’m playing Philip Glass instead of Christmas music, and today I may just tackle my work writing (or making a couple grading matrixes if I want to put off writing again.)

I’m feeling mellow and introspective. It could be the Philip Glass, or it could be the very good coffee (My husband’s my roaster). Or it could be that it’s finally time to relax before the new semester’s taken hold.

I want to mention, though, that I’m thankful for all my readers. I know some of you are bots, particularly the Russian entity that hit my blog 20 times without reading anything. I think most of you are real, although I don’t know most of you. Thank you for reading.

P.S.: The title of the post is from the song “The Twelve Days After Christmas, which is a fine palate cleanser for Christmas.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

I am having a rather introspective Christmas this year, thinking of getting older yet still having a sense of wonder at the joyousness of the year. Thinking of all my friends who are suffering — two with COVID, one with pancreatic cancer. Thinking of my father, who still mourns at Christmas for my mom who died thirteen years ago. Thinking of people I’ve never met who don’t have the families they need.

How suffering can co-exist with joy is a mystery. My mother’s last words to me, thirteen years ago on the 23rd were “You look bored — go out and have some fun.” This captures this season more than anything, I think.

So this is Christmas. I’m going to spend my day with Richard, watching the rest of the Lord of the Rings trilogy that I started last night (remastered set) and drinking yaupon tea and playing with my Kaweco brass pencil.

Christmas Eve

It’s Christmas Eve, and we’re up to cooking a decently big meal here tonight.

When I was growing up, the big meal was at Christmas Eve, because it was a potluck at Grandma’s house. I got to see all my cousins and open up packages from relatives and Santa. It was a near-perfect late 60’s/early 70’s Christmas. I felt pretty spoiled, and we would leave late in the evening so that the stars were bright in the crystalline cold.

Christmas day was my celebration with my immediate family, and we ate more relaxed food — in fact I remember cheese, crackers, and summer sausage for brunch.

Things changed as I got older, as all of us children in our own particular baby boom got too old for Santa, and Grandma got too old to host Christmas at her house.

This year, in isolation, we’re reverting to my family’s schedule. The big meal is tonight: Rib roast with horseradish and my orange/golden raisin/cranberry relish; rice and broccoli casserole, homemade bread, oil and vinegar slaw, and mini mincemeat pies for dessert.

Tomorrow we have a veggie/relish tray, crackers, cheeses, herring nibble over Christmas presents. I already know everything I’m getting except for what Richard managed to smuggle in my stocking.

We don’t have children, and sometimes I think that’s because we both had traumatic childhoods. But we still have a childlike wonder for the holiday season.

A Time for Nothing

I’m done putting together my classes for Spring, which was my task for the winter break. Now what? My mind is all for relaxing and hiding from my work in progress, but I’ll probably do something with that during break.

I feel like I could sleep forever. I just got up and I’m already wanting to go back to bed. I don’t know if this is latent depression or I’m just so relieved to be done with the semester that I’m catching up on time without thinking.

The semester must have been far worse than I’m registering. I tend to be stoic and plow through the semester with blinders on, not stopping to lament much (other than my lamenting about lack of writers’ retreats in these pages).

And now, because of COVID, I have no choice but to relax. No visit to my dad and sister, no going out shopping, maybe a stop at the Board Game Cafe if it’s not crowded, but …

So I’m working on relaxing.

Exploring Christmas Music

So I’m listening to something from my childhood — the New Christy Minstrels, which was (is?) a large folk ensemble from the 60s that probably continues in some form to this day. They have a Christmas album, which we’re perusing in our great search for new Christmas music. It’s beginning to grow on me. Especially “Sing Along with Santa“, which brims with quaint snark. It’s very early 60’s — folky and earnest.

Then there’s the Apple Music playlist Hard and Heavy, which includes the AC/DC hit “Mistress for Christmas”, which I can’t quite reconcile with Christmas. I’m holding off on Bummer Holiday, another Apple Music playlist, until I am drinking some Christmas cheer and can laugh it off.

Everyone with a microphone has recorded at least one Christmas song, it seems, and compilations don’t capture all of them. I haven’t seen one with “Dominick the Christmas Donkey” (for which I’m grateful) or “Christmas at Ground Zero” (maybe it’s on “Bummer Holiday”?)

My happiest Christmas album discovery is Annie Lennox’s Christmas Cornucopia, which has been remastered and re-released this year. I could listen to it all day, as it’s the anti-Last Christmas.

Now we’re listening to Kids’ Christmas, and I should be hearing “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” any minute now.

Happy Christmas!