To All My Lurkers

Dear Lurker:

I don’t know who you are except by your country of origin, although even that could be spoofed. You read my blog for reasons I may never know (unless you’re a bot, in which case I can guess that you don’t really read my blog).

I will admit that I want to know who you are. First of all, I want to know for the same reasons that children launch a note in a bottle into the ocean and someone finds it on the shore 500 miles away and sends the child back a note. Or maybe it’s like sending Flat Stanley to your favorite aunt halfway across the country and she sends it on a series of local adventures and takes pictures. I have people from Turkmenistan and Russia and Portugal and Peru, and I want to see who I’ve rubbed elbows with — digitally at least.

I also want to know you because I want to hear your stories. My life is measured in others’ stories and I have had the pleasure of hearing many excellent stories. You have stories with power and poetry, or with humor, or with pathos — and I would love to hold those gifts in my hands.

Love,

Lauren

Day 3 Camp NaNo — serious editing out.

Day 3:  I’m writing the last 30,000  words of a 80,000 word book, and I am so far off my outline now that I’m not sure about this book at all. (goes back and makes minor changes to book).

Day 3: I deleted some of the more hokey parts that had developed. My problem is that I loved Agatha Christie’s The Seven Dials Mystery, where seven sleuthing young adults in a secret society solve a murder. I had created a secret society myself of Prodigies protecting the wider band of Prodigies, complete with name and emblem. Too hokey for me, and thus I’ve lost a thousand words of progress.

However I’m one day ahead of writing, so I’m not really panicked. It’s just part of the process.

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Thank you for all of you who visited my book and boosted the signal yesterday! The book hasn’t made the hot list yet, but the hits to my site are gratifying. Remember that you can’t just visit the site — you must nominate the book for it to progress.

Here’s the link:
https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/1KM8I0ZK97R9J/

Keep reading — I love to see you show up!

Day 2: So far, I’ve written 105 words of my allotted 1000 per day. My brain is a bit sluggish today; lots of external turmoil and lack of coffee is contributing to this state of being.

Having a word goal, though, is a great incentive, as is having a group full of people in my “cabin” — my group of fellow writers in Camp NaNo — yes, Camp NaNo is a deliberate kitschy metaphor. I might manage to finish Prodigies yet.
Here’s an excerpt of Voyageurs, my Kindle Scout entry at https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/1KM8I0ZK97R9J/ .Boost the signal if you can.
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“Why did you make me jump right then?” I hissed at Berkeley. “We could lose Kat!”, by which I meant “I could lose Kat.”

“Because Kat deserves the best life possible, whether or not it involves you. The worst part is that, if she disappears and goes her own way, we won’t even remember her.” Berkeley sighed. “Besides, we need to change back the changed futures or else timelines become unstable.”

“I don’t want to forget her,” I insisted. “Especially as I plan to dance with her tonight.”

“In that outfit? They’ll never let you in.”  Then Berkeley popped out of the scene.

I suspected he placed me at the right place and time to see how events unfolded, but I would choose the right moment. I staked out a spot near the front facade of the Nelson-Atkins Museum, which had been torn down in 2045 to make room for a new public safety complex, one that could house armored personnel carriers. I could tell from the elegantly black-clad doormen and the young women in petticoated dresses that I would never get into the ball. So I had to think quickly of an alternative. 

I wasn’t given much time. I looked up and saw Kat, in a flowing yellow dress with drop shoulders and a light shawl. She walked alongside Harold, who looked a little younger than he had when I had met him. Harold, of course, wore a black tuxedo.

Kat didn’t sound enamored as much as she sounded vaguely vexed. “So why, Harold? I don’t like to dress up, I don’t like to dance with people, and I don’t like you.” Interesting words for someone who was in love with Harold.

“It’s an experiment about time. I’ll leave you here, Kat, and you see if you can get in. I’ll come back later and dance with you.” I realized I had an opening, but I had to act quickly. As soon as Harold had bounced away, I ran up to the dark-haired young woman with the long white lock of hair hanging into her face. 

Fifteen-year-old Kat looked me up and down and raised her eyebrows. “Hmm,” she said. “Did you want me to give you oral in the alley? That’s twenty.”

I felt sadness wash over me. “No, not at all. I want to dance with you.” 

“Nothing for money?” she asked skeptically.

“Nothing for money.” I meant to keep this child safe; realizing that this teen was my Kat left me confused and queasy. I determined I would dance with her as if she were the cousin I never had, dance enough to tell her that she could dream.

Young Kat stared through me with those scornful ice-blue eyes. If I failed, there would be more pain, more cynicism in this child, and in the adult Kat. 

“Would you like to dance with me?” I bowed to her.

“I won’t go in there,” she responded. “Harold will have to drag me inside if he wants me there.”

“No, here. On the sidewalk.” 

She looked at me, and the shrewdness dropped. “I put my hands on your shoulders, right?” 

“Yes, and I put my hands around your waist like this.” 

(“Mom, Dad, what are you doing?” I asked as my parents whirled around the sparsely furnished dining room.

“It’s called dancing. We used to do this when we were young. We do this in memory of the culture we have lost.” My dad spun my mother around, and she laughed. “Would you like to learn?”

And my beautiful red-haired mother taught me the box step that night.)

The young woman took to the box step immediately as we danced to music that maybe she remembered in her head, because of course she led. She stood a little shorter than my Kat did, a little skinny and fragile from her life on the street. 

I whispered, “Would you like to find a place to live?”

“I knew there was a price,” she muttered, and I wanted to cry. 

“No. No price. Just a Traveller who needs to teach you how to be strong and fly.” 

I thought she would reject this plea as well, but she stopped dancing and mumbled, “Take me there.” 

I put my hands around her waist and she mine. Then I bounced to 2065 and then to 1994 and  Berkeley’s familiar porch down the road from the museum. When a younger, just-balding Berkeley opened the door, I said, “This young Traveller needs a place to live. She’s been on the street, and she’s in grave danger.” 

Update — day 1 Camp NaNo

The first day of Camp NaNo has been a success. I’ve written 2k words (twice my daily allotment), and that section is helping to cement into place a plot twist. I’m despairing about what to do when the book is done, because the first half of the book is all about isolation, and the current direction is solidarity and uniting against danger. I don’t know if it’s going to come out smooth, but that’s what an edit is for.

It’s snowing out. In spring. On Easter. Two and a half inches so far and it keeps coming down. Rebirth is being buried under a cold, white blanket. Oh well

Rebirth

I believe everyone experiences rebirth —

  • There are many religious festivals that follow the motif of rebirth, with Easter being the most present in my mind at the moment
  • Some people experience rebirth through transcendental experiences like walking in the woods or standing in a silent cathedral or looking out in space
  • Some people feel reborn through restorative justice — not just the wronged, but the one who has done wrong.
  • Some people feel reborn through new insights into life
  • Some reinvent themselves — when they fail at one thing, they open themselves up to another possibility. 
I believe in the potential for constant rebirth. It might be a bipolar thing, because I’ve lived much of my life with that enhanced glow in the religious/spiritual part of my brain. But I seek out opportunities for rebirth as often as I can, hoping I can hatch a more whole part of me.
Happy Easter/Good Passover/April Fool’s/Camp Nano time!
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And now for my re-hatching:

My Kindle Scout entry, Voyageurs, can be found at:

Voyageurs

And I’m looking forward to you reading (and hopefully nominating) me!

This is my link to the latest book I’ve put on Kindle Scout, and the campaign opens tomorrow:

Here’s what you’ll see when it opens up tomorrow:

Voyageurs

by Lauren Leach-Steffens

The end of the world is a matter of Time.
In this tale of time travel, mystery, and love, two time travelers — Kat from the present and Ian from the ecological disaster in the future known as the Chaos, get together to explore the attempts on their mentor’s life. Prodded by their mentor, Berkeley, they discover evidence — from the mysterious deaths of Ian’s parents to disturbances in the timeline –that a time traveler is plotting the end of the world.
You’ll need to not just visit, but vote if you like it!
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I’m not confident that this book will pull enough acceptance to be picked up by Amazon, and here’s why: 
  1. The process is driven by votes (aka popularity)
  2. One source of votes is friends. I’m not one of those people who have a lot of friends on media. For example, I don’t have more than 400 Facebook friends. If one-tenth of them voted, I would have 320 votes. If they all nominated me on the same day, I might earn the coveted “hot” stamp for that day. Might.
  3. The second source is the readers/nominators on the Kindle Scout site. They are more likely to mark the ones labeled “hot”, so some items sink and some remain “hot”, and it all has less to do with how good a book is than how popular it is. 
Although I don’t have much faith in the process, I want to go through with it again, and I need your help. If there’s any way you can boost the signal, I’d appreciate it as well!

So here I am, sitting at my desk with the dregs of the flu, looking at snow showers in the forecast on Sunday, and hope still springs eternal — I’ve decided to submit another book to Kindle Scout for voting on/potential publishing.

The name of this book is Voyageurs, and it is still under review, with the hope that this time it will get picked up. If this doesn’t work, I will put one of those books (probably Gaia’s Hands) on self-publishing, so I can say I accomplished my goal and get on with my life.

Voyageurs is the one about time travel, ecological catastrophe, and the outer edges of megalomania. It also has an edgy relationship and a lot of coffee.

I’ll let you know the address tomorrow. Please consider looking at it and voting!

Happy National Bipolar Awareness Day!

Happy National Bipolar Awareness Day!

Being someone with bipolar issues seems like something not to use the word “happy” about. People with bipolar can plunge into deep depression, while for some people, mania becomes psychosis at times. There’s always the self doubt — “Is this feeling real, or is my bipolar talking?” And any medication that works on brain chemistry is likely to have strange side effects, so the medication search for “what are the least annoying side effects” becomes an odyssey of pharmacopeia.

But here are reasons to be happy (and educational opportunities for the rest of you:

  1. Bipolar people are not crazy. “Crazy” is a word made up by people who fear difference. It has been used to marginalize people (with or without a mental health condition) for ages.
  2. Bipolar people are neurodivergent. Isn’t that a cool word? That means our brains work differently than other brains. The Neurodiversity Movement is one that seeks to normalize people with mental health conditions, autism, epilepsy and other mental conditions as being “just the way some people are born.” The Neurodiversity Movement does not prohibit treatment of symptoms of a condition, such as antipsychotics for someone with bipolar.
  3. Bipolar traits may relate to enhanced creativity. Some doctors still dispute this, but most doctors see a link between bipolar and creativity — even when the bipolar is being treated. So that stereotype of the artist on the edge is true, but the artist is still an artist when pulled back from the edge with medication.
  4. Compliant people with bipolar are following the health advice that everyone should. We get enough sleep at night, establish regular routines, give up alcohol and (of course) illegal drugs, meditate, manage our moods through affirmations and cognitive exercises …
Neurotypical people are scared of people who are bipolar, but it should compare to other health conditions:
  • Being around a manic episode can be scary. So can being around someone who has a fierce temper and a disdain for cops (there’s a story here). Neurotypical people can be scary too.
  • Your bipolar friend sometimes gets spacy with their medication. Someone with diabetes gets spacy when their blood sugar is too low. Your friend who stays up late gets spacy when she hasn’t gotten enough coffee. It sounds like a universal condition to me.
  • Bipolar people get depressed. So do people with diagnosed depression. And those with triggered situational depression. One is not scarier than another. 
So bipolar awareness day is happy because I get to share these points which tend to contradict the excessive drama on the Lifetime Channel. Now some people learn about their bipolar by something really dramatic like maxing out the credit cards or having an affair, but so do neurotypical people. And people who get medication fare better than people who don’t.  But I’m glad I get to talk about what people with bipolar disorder face in a positive way, where people aren’t saying, “SHHHH. You shouldn’t talk about it!”
Whether you’re neurodivergent or neurotypical, I hope this has helped you see the world a bit differently.

My first bout with the flu

I should never have said “I never get the flu” aloud. I should never have assumed that my yearly employee benefit shot in the arm would fail to work. I should never have said never —

I’m dealing with my first case of bonafide flu in probably thirty years.

While I’m marking my list of “nevers” off with red pen, I also haven’t run a fever above 100 degrees since I was three (during an oldie but not goodie flu vaccine of the mid 1960s). Now I’m all bundled up in a 70 degree room with shivers and a 100.9 fever. That’s flu, right?’

I stayed home yesterday, hoping that a day of rest would fix that cold of mine. This morning, I woke up with a voice that sounded and felt like I’d chain-smoked and swilled bad whiskey (neither of which I do, to the relief of my students.) I went to work anyhow thinking that my morning temp of 98.9 would hold for the day because I couldn’t possibly have the flu. I had (and still have) the chills and my temp (as I mentioned) is 100.9 degrees, My nose sounds like it’s harboring a rain frog that makes little grumbling noises every time I exhale. My chest hurts from all the coughing (but I never get chest symptoms), And did I mention that I kept 3 1/2 hours of office hours and taught two classes in this state?

I’m going in tomorrow unless we’re looking at 100 degrees or higher just before I go to work. I figure that I’m probably going to be fine, because I never, never, NEVER get the flu.