My Vision Board

I made a vision board on Canva. I’ve printed it out and am waiting for it to come in the mail so I can stick it to the back of the door.

A vision board shows images of where one wants to be. Mine is based on two visions: health and writing.

I’m hoping that putting it on the back of the door will engrave these habits in my mind.

I think I’m doing well so far with three of the four — I’m writing, I’m plotting my next query session, I’m eating my fruits and vegetables — but the walking is hard to do.

I have a treadmill in the basement, but I like walking outside better. Outside is a winter wonderland as in “I wonder where all this ice came from?” and my ice grippers are broken, so a good lap or two around the block isn’t happening right now.

I don’t know if vision boards work. I don’t know if I’m pushing my vision board enough. My goals seem pretty prosaic. There’s no vision of going on a tropical vacation — but I don’t want a tropical vacation. My biggest dream is to win the Powerball, but my life will become so complicated as a result, and it’s a dream for which I cannot make a plan.

Plus, I don’t think that vision boards are all about wishing for the results as much as motivating for the results. No matter how hard I try, I will not win the Powerball by anything but luck. But I know I can make things happen, and all I need is a reminder of my priorities.

Goodbyes in a college town

This afternoon I have to say goodbye to a friend. He’s going on to his new life after graduation, to Chile to help run the family business. He’s from China, and that was one of the topics we talked about, in our wider discussions on world politics and social customs.

I learned a lot about China from him, which I could relay to my husband, who is half Chinese and completely ignorant of his mother’s culture due to her insistence that they bring him and his siblings up “American”. He had to put up with my abrupt American manner, my tendency to use too much eye contact, and my occasional tendency to swear.

Living in a college town, you learn to say goodbye a lot. Students (mine and others) graduate and dispel to their new lives. Faculty take new positions, gravitating toward bigger opportunities at bigger colleges. Occasionally, faculty die. In a small college town, however, people may be transient but they’re not anonymous.

So I say goodbye again. It’s okay; it’s the natural order of things.

For the New Year

Happy New Year! I wish the best for all of you in this new year.

2021 doesn’t feel any different so far, but that doesn’t surprise me. It never does. It’s how the year develops that gives us this feeling of a good year or a bad year.

For Americans, 2020 has been a bad year. We’ve dealt with an increasingly erratic and vindictive president, a total failure at controlling the coronavirus, white supremacy, people falling through the holes in the safety net as they lost their jobs temporarily or permanently, and a horrifying loss of morale as our relatives and friends died of corona. (Other countries have struggled with the virus, the shutdowns, the deaths. I don’t mean to say otherwise, but the US’s bungled response is worse than many, many countries. and they didn’t have a president that made things ever worse).

We want to see our families again, get back to work, pull the poor and struggling up. I am hoping 2021 is the year of healing for us.

Let me think of happier things — the blank slate ahead of us and the potential for blessings.

Prayer for the New Year

I should preface this with the statement that I don’t know that I’m a Christian. I pray to God, but I do not feel comfortable with what Christianity stands for today — a right-wing identity politics that encompasses white supremacists, prosperity gospel, and a xenophobic populace. I am, at heart, a Quaker and a progressive one at that. A large number of Christians would say I’m not really Christian, and I’ll take their word for it.

But I pray:

I pray that we implement the vaccines for COVID quickly and fairly, so that we get a herd immunity of vaccinated people (the only way to get herd immunity without a higher body count).
I pray that we find a safety net for those unemployed by catching COVID or by being let go due to COVID shutdowns.
I pray that we find compassion in our world, especially for those who are discriminated against.
I pray that this country finds a unity in behavior that honors our neighbor, lifts up the downtrodden, and aids the poor no matter their religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, and disability status.
I pray that I find a way to make a difference in my own little corner of the world.

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As I get older, I think differently about prayer. I believe we pray for a reason, but I believe less in that concept of deity that, in effect, grants wishes. Because not everyone’s wishes get granted — and not everyone’s wishes should be granted.

I do believe in what my good friend Mariellen said about prayer, that we give God our troubles and She hands them back in the morning with more strength to deal with them.

I also believe in prayer speaking to that of God in everyone, a good Quaker concept. What if prayer mobilizes those who hear it into action? That being said, I must be at heart a panentheist, believing that God is the gestalt of that of God in everyone, and that God speaks to the whole of humanity to see who will take the message up and create the miracle.

Therefore, when I pray like this, I speak to myself. I speak to the Gestalt. I hope someone listens.

Goals for the New Year

I don’t make resolutions for the New Year because resolutions are flimsy. They are usually worded vaguely. They’re often worded in results (which may not be realistic), and they’re not worded in a way that suggests the actions that need to be taken.

So once again (I think I’ve written about this before), I reach out for SMART goals. SMART stands for:

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Time-bound.

So let’s take one common resolution (and one of mine, actually): To lose weight in 2016. What’s wrong with it?

There are so many things wrong with it. How many pounds a week? What is the process by which one will do it? What’s the time parameters? Why is this focused on the result (weight loss) and not the action (Changed habits)? Is it realistic? With no real parameters it can set someone up for failure.

We can change the goal to action-oriented: I will eat healthy and exercise.

Now, it’s not specific enough; let’s change it — I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day and walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week.

But there’s no time parameters. so let’s add them.: Starting January 1, I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day and walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week for the rest of the year, to be evaluated monthly.

This is a SMART goal. It’s easily followable, easy to see if it’s not working and needs adjusted.

So my goals for the year (not resolutions):

Starting January 1, I will eat two fruits and two vegetables a day
Starting January 1, I will walk every day, working my time up to half an hour daily by increasing my walk five minutes a week, for the rest of the year, to be evaluated monthly.

These are typical resolution goals, but then there’s my writing goals broken down:

By March 31, I will send 50 queries out for Apocalypse to science fiction/fantasy agents from Query Tracker.
By October 31, I will send 50 queries out for Prodigies to science fiction/fantasy agents from Query Tracker.
By March 1, I will finish the rough draft for Gaia’s Hands.
By June 1, I will revise the rough draft of Kringle in the Night
By August 1, I will put the final touches on Kringle in the Night
By September 30, I will prepare Kringle in the Night for publication — formatting, copyright, and cover production; To be published by November 1.
By December 1, I will have three short stories written.

It’s good to have all this written out, because it will be easier to accomplish. Now to get the vision board built, because I will need it by January 1.

Thank you for being part of my writing ritual

It’s inevitable — after I write a blog post about losing my will to write, I have a productive day of writing. I should be ashamed of crying wolf all these times, but as I’m a writer, I’ll take it.

Writers often have their rituals — some have to have a room where they write, some use a specific pen or typewriter. Some warm up before they write, some have to listen to specific music.

Mine, apparently, is whining when I’m in a writing slump. And morning coffee, but I don’t think that’s a writing ritual as much as a general morning ritual. And writing my blog instead of starting straight into the novel or short story I’m writing.

That means you, reader, are part of my writing ritual. When I feel hopeless about writing, I look at my total visitors for the day. I only have a consistent average of 25-30 visitors at a time, but that’s more than I started with. You give me the belief that greater things (or at least a little bit better things) are possible for me.

I know I whine sometimes, but it’s because I’m scared I’m going to lose my writing. But I imagine you reading, and I feel better and the words come out.

Thank you.

Losing my Will to Write

I’m losing the will to get published.

It was my big goal for 2020, and I fulfilled it through self-publishing The Kringle Conspiracy. I got to do all the things I wanted to do with that publication — a book launch party, signing books. I didn’t sell many copies with royalties so far at $37, but it got the attention I thought it would get.

Now, I don’t feel the need to get published, which was the factor driving me to write. I am sitting on several books in the fantasy genre, and I’m having a horribly hard time getting the attention of agents. One has been sitting at DAW for so long with no response that I think it has mummified. I don’t want to self-publish them because I don’t know how to market them as they deserve.

So right now there is no stretch goal. There is no goal at all for my writing, and this is hard to struggle against. If anyone has any ideas for how I can get my mojo back, please let me know.

My life in writing

There’s days I’ve sat at my computer screen and ask myself, “What can I say that I haven’t already said?” And not just my blog, but stories in general?

Christopher Booker, in his book The Seven Basic Plots, holds that there are (you got it) seven basic plots in fiction out there, and that they all share one basic metaplot: being called to the action, a positive, almost dreamlike state, frustration, meeting the enemy, and resolution. If this is the case, nothing I write is original — unless you take into account the characters (especially the protagonist(s)), the setting, the specifics of the plot, etc. The reader expects the plot but revels in the journey to the end.

And so I keep writing, because I care about the characters first and foremost, and want to see how they fare on the journey. I want to see their journeys.

And I want to see my journey as well. In all of my posts, there is a journey, although sometimes (especially in writing Gaia’s Hands) I go in circles in the wilderness. My journey is not as sharp and clean as a novel or short story, and it doesn’t seem to have a plot. I doubt my memoirs will be worth reading. But as a series of essays, it may not be too bad.

The First Day After Christmas

As much as I love Christmas, I’m glad it’s over. Jolly is a temporary feeling, for which we should be grateful.

It’s nice to get back to the calm of a Saturday in normal time, past the frenzy, not absorbed with Christmas preparations. I’m playing Philip Glass instead of Christmas music, and today I may just tackle my work writing (or making a couple grading matrixes if I want to put off writing again.)

I’m feeling mellow and introspective. It could be the Philip Glass, or it could be the very good coffee (My husband’s my roaster). Or it could be that it’s finally time to relax before the new semester’s taken hold.

I want to mention, though, that I’m thankful for all my readers. I know some of you are bots, particularly the Russian entity that hit my blog 20 times without reading anything. I think most of you are real, although I don’t know most of you. Thank you for reading.

P.S.: The title of the post is from the song “The Twelve Days After Christmas, which is a fine palate cleanser for Christmas.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

I am having a rather introspective Christmas this year, thinking of getting older yet still having a sense of wonder at the joyousness of the year. Thinking of all my friends who are suffering — two with COVID, one with pancreatic cancer. Thinking of my father, who still mourns at Christmas for my mom who died thirteen years ago. Thinking of people I’ve never met who don’t have the families they need.

How suffering can co-exist with joy is a mystery. My mother’s last words to me, thirteen years ago on the 23rd were “You look bored — go out and have some fun.” This captures this season more than anything, I think.

So this is Christmas. I’m going to spend my day with Richard, watching the rest of the Lord of the Rings trilogy that I started last night (remastered set) and drinking yaupon tea and playing with my Kaweco brass pencil.