Category: Uncategorized

Reimaging Josh

Writing status is pretty much stalled lately. What writing time I’ve had I’ve donated to trying to figure Josh. my male lead in Gaia’s Hands, out.


I decided to make him a few years older. He’s now 25 and an instructor at Jeanne’s university. This creates them more equal, which is a thing that had been bothering me since I started writing the original work some 5-6 years ago. 

But who is Josh now?

Much the same, although a bit more confident and a bit less puppyish, which is a good thing. Physically, he stands slightly below average, slender but deceptively strong from his aikido training. His brown-black hair touches his collar. He has lighter brown, almond-shaped eyes from his father’s Chinese heritage, and a quirky smile. (Which brings up the point that I can’t see people in my head. I have a person in mind when I write this, but I cannot find any up-to-date pictures of him on IMDB, alas.)

Personality wise, he’s pretty calm and balanced, yet he chose aikido to temper his anger from being bullied as a child.  He’s mature for his age, but he’s also a writer and mystic. He sees visions now and again that help guide his life, but he pays the price in headaches. He practices aikido and Shinto, has a fascination with Japanese spirituality, but his heritage is Chinese/Italian/Irish.

Josh’s worst fear is rejection, especially rejection for the mystical side he usually keeps hidden. He is driven by creativity, honor, and love; his biggest fault is his temper.

Josh, like everyone, is a set of contradictions. I still don’t know if I have him developed enough in my head yet.

Fountain Pens

This is a stock photo. I don’t write that neatly.

As a writer, I’ve developed this thing for fountain pens.

I’ve loved fountain pens since I was a child, ever since I found a 1920’s plunger style Parker pen at a junk auction. The pen wrote for quite a while, which was amazing since it was 50 years old when I bought it. I still have it somewhere, but it no longer writes. I might be able to clean the years of residue, but the gold nib is beyond repair and I’m no longer able to get the nib to replace it.

I have to say I’m not a pen snob (like I am a coffee snob). There are pens out there that cost $300 or more; I’m not buying those pens. I buy pens in the $25 range with my “mad money” (fun allowance). In this range, you can get pens that work just fine — Lamy Safari and AL-Star, Pilot MR, Platinum Plaisir, Noodlers Ahab. All these have smooth writing and ease of maintenance. 

Not all my pens have been successful purchases. I have a Kaweco Sport from Germany, and while it’s a charming pen (it looks like an oversized stitch ripper) it writes really scratchy. I may have to take it to a pen shop to get the nib adjusted. This, however, would cost more than the pen, which cost me about $15. 

You can get cheaper pens than these, but the operative word is “cheaper”. I got a Jinhao clear plastic (demonstrator) pen for $2 plus shipping from Wish. It wrote just fine, but it dries out when you don’t use it often. A good design has a cap airtight enough to keep that from happening.

I don’t aspire to an expensive pen — no Mont Blanc for me (although there are better pens in that price range). I would like to have one pen with a gold nib someday, just because they write smoother — according to one reviewer. Another says there’s no writing difference. I don’t know if I want to spend that much money to find out. 

So that’s what I’ve been doing with the allowance these past couple months. The pens do not sit idle. I use them for writing my daily journals and writing exercises in different colors. I think they help jog my mind into writing as they flow freely on the page and make my writing look poetic, even when I’m grumbling about how things are going. 

I might have enough fountain pens now, but they’re so bright and shiny that — look! Another pen!

Hope is a Verb



I’m working on the principle of hope —

I’m putting together an author’s website (not really a blog like this one). It would be helpful if I get published, either traditionally or self-published. The way I see it is “if you build it, they will come”. This is my notion, anyhow. I won’t post the URL until the site is ready to go live, which will be if something happens on the publishing front.

In reality, right now is a holding pattern. I am waiting for more news on one novel I’ve queried, and I may even query another (the new improved version) before I decide to self publish. I just like to have something to do, to work toward. I like to feel like I’m creating my own destiny. I am creating hope, by preparing for a future where I am published.

Hope is what keeps me going when I am feeling down, as I am in this pandemic. And accomplishing things gives me hope.

Memorial Day

Sunday morning and — No, it’s Monday. Memorial Day, when we look back at all those who have died in military service. 

As a Friend (Quaker), I am a pacifist. We believe that violence, even violent words, is to be avoided. We call this the Peace Testimony, and that is one of the most vital creeds of a religion that has no dogma.

We hold nothing against our men and women in the military; we abhor the system that exploits them for battle. Quakers believe there are no just wars and that there are alternatives that need to be tried.  Wars are fought for geopolitical advantage these days, and in earlier days were fought for land and empire. They were not fought for ordinary folk, but ordinary folk stood as cannon fodder. 

This doesn’t mean the Friends don’t honor the soldiers who have died in war. We mourn them deeply, perhaps more so because we feel they didn’t have to die. 

So Memorial Day is a strange day for me, a reminder that thousands go to war and fewer return. And I would thank every soldier for following their convictions, yet hope they find a way clear from that path.

Hope and Coffee

Sunday morning, and there is not enough coffee to wake me up.

After the past couple days, some good friends on Facebook, and my decision to try self-publishing if I don’t succeed in the traditional route, I feel much better. I am researching self-publishing methods, concerns, etc., right now. 

I will have an author’s website (not chatty like this, but to promote writing, events, etc.). I should have one anyway, even if I’m traditionally published. 

So I will prepare for the possibility, and even if I get taken in on the traditional route, I will have prepared things that will be needed for that route.

This is what hope does to me. It comes to me in the midst of defeat and illuminates my path — but only for the next few steps. I never know where I’m going past two steps ahead.

But I still desperately need coffee.

Contemplating self-publishing



I have decided that I may self-publish if my efforts to publish traditionally don’t yield any results.

This is a big change, as those of you who have been following the blog would notice. I had been strenuously arguing that self-publishing doesn’t give one the strong incentive to improve and requires a lot of work from the author. I would still argue this, but I have been improving and submitting since 5 years ago, and this is a long time to be getting rejections (about 250 or so).

Then I found that an author I follow has been self-publishing for close on two years after her publisher and her agent dismissed her. This was an author who had three books traditionally published. 

It is obvious the industry no longer nurtures its writers. I think this was what I was looking for in a traditional path — some nurturing, because this is all new to me. Not that I would be a victim for fraud — I’m actually good at spotting that. It’s just that I wanted advice and encouragement, and now I know that’s not happening.

So what I’m going to do is let this query run through (I get rejections daily), and I’m going to research the possibility of self-publishing (platforms, where to get cover art, etc.). I might do one more set of queries 6 months from now while I’m working on a plan to brush up my media presence, etc. 

We shall see.

How are you doing?



I have readers all over the world, and I’m curious. How are you doing in this pandemic?

  • Are you isolating? 
  • Are you wearing a mask when you go out in public? 
  • Is your country doing well in fighting back the outbreak? 
  • Are you safe? 
  • Do you have your job? 
  • Are you hanging on? 
  • Are you fighting depression?
I’m doing okay. I’m fighting a bit of something because life lately has been depressing, what with isolation and all. I’m safe at home. I still have my job as a professor, where I have been doing my work online. Just hanging on.


Getting inside Josh

Because I can’t draw my character. Because I can’t post a male nude. Use your imagination here.


I’m still working on Gaia’s Hands, because I don’t have much else to do right now. 


I’m trying to get into Josh Beaumont’s (male lead) head so I can develop and write him more fully. This is a challenge for me, because I’m not 1) male, 2) twenty years old, and 3) a mystic. No, scratch 3); I’ve had some nonstandard experiences in my life. 

I want to be authentic with the character, especially with his sexuality, which is an important part of what is basically a romance novel at its heart. Josh is pretty normal in that category, except for the fact that the object of his affections is 25 years older. And he’s a virgin. As an older woman, I want to make sure this is realistic (other than the age thing, which happens sometimes) and not personal wish fulfillment.

This isn’t a total problem, because Josh is mature for his age (about 25 emotionally) and I think that comes from his being a mystic. Josh has visions that change the course of his life, and Jeanne has been the star of his visions lately. 

So I want to paint Josh as a gentle soul, but with drive. Someone who sublimates drive into poetry. Someone who’s going to finally ask for what he wants when he can’t hold it back anymore. 

He’s my project for today. Let’s see where I can go.

On the Verge of Querying Again.

I have minor corrections to do on Whose Hearts are Mountains today, and then I will query the last 30 agents. Wish me luck.

I don’t know what I’m going to do if these last 30 come up empty. Yes, I do. I’m going to query Prodigies (the improved version) in a few months, and start the cycle again. 

I feel like a glutton for punishment. But at this point, I have documents as good as I can make them, and I can’t not share them. 

Nothing more to say today, but: here’s a cat.

Me-Me, aka “Brussels Sprout”