I’m getting my laptop loked atttttodayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
TTTTTTTTerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
problem withthkeyboard.
I lost 1500 words of a promising short story yesterday.
After a thorough search of my computer, it seems to have never been saved. I blame this on trying to catch my computer when it fell yesterday; my fingers must have accidentally hit the wrong keys.
I am in mourning. I know the exact plot points thus far; I even have them in outline form. I know the personalities of the main characters. I know the settings. But I don’t seem to get the right words in place to set the mood.
The story is space opera, so it’s supposed to be jaunty and humorous. But when I tried to rewrite it yesterday it just came off as sad.
There’s a part of me, a very superstitious and pessimistic part of me that thinks that I lost the story because it wasn’t any good. As this is also the part of me that thinks I’ll never get published, I’m working hard to ignore it.
Please hold me and my story in your thoughts today.
I’m staring at the screen, wondering what to write today.
I’m deep in the middle of the winter blues. I’m not severely depressed like I could be; I just don’t feel like doing anything. The most exciting part of my week has been extensive dental work and I want to go back to sleep. Today’s my busy day at work, so doing nothing is not happening.
I need to do some of my positive activities — gratitude journaling (I keep forgetting), sitting in front of my bright light (it’s next to my computer chair in the living room, so that’s easy), going out to do work.
What I really want to do is sleep some more. Not happening.
So now it’s time for the next best thing — coffee.
I don’t have any novels published yet (my big dream). But here’s a list of my writing accomplishments to date (over a time period of about 9 months):
I’m a little bummed that I don’t land first place in contests, but even in the completely unsuccessful contests, I’ve gotten emails that have said I’m oh so close.
I think I’ll be optimistic about this.
On January 2nd, I made a vision board — or rather, a vision book, as I didn’t have any place in my room to post poster board.
What is a vision board?
A vision board is a motivational tool using pictures and sometimes text to render what’s most important to a person into visual form. This can be done in poster or book form or online, and could utilize photos, clip art, or other visual symbols.
How does it work?
Many proponents of a vision board believe in the Law of Attraction — that we can attract good fortune. I do not, largely because it seems selfish to me. I tend to believe that it helps me to focus on my goals and, thus, helps me to motivate toward what I think is most important.
What does my vision book look like?
It takes up six pages of a larger book that I should be documenting my success in. The pages are: Writing, getting published, marriage, teaching, research, and time management.
Does it motivate me?
When I first made it, it greatly motivated me. It felt like a ritual, and I’m a great fan of rituals. Now, a month out, I feel I need to look at them again, maybe on a daily basis.
Do I need to make a ritual to look at it daily?
Most certainly yes. Or make an actual board to hang on the back of the door.
What is Pacifism?
One of the topics I write about is pacifism. Pacifism is the belief that violence is wrong. By violence, we don’t only mean war, but knife and gun fights; not only fights, but belittling and demeaning words. Individual stances reason through situations where violence, carefully tailored, is the lesser of two evils.
Why write about pacifism?
I write about it because I think contemporary fantasy has a responsibility to write about those people not normally written about. In an increasingly militaristic United States, pacifists are seldom heard from and are relegated to the fringes.
Who’s a Pacifist?
It’s a minority belief in the US, held widely by Friends/Quakers (I am one), other peace churches like the Mennonites and Amish, and some Buddhists.
What would you do if … ?
Having a stance like that alarms other people, who counter with what they feel would be “aha” questions. Pacifists have generally reckoned very well about what they’re willing to commit to under which circumstances, so they answer “aha” questions easily.
For example:
“What about World War II?”
I point out the historical conclusion that we didn’t get into WWII to save the Jews; in fact, the US turned Jewish refugees away from their borders. We could possibly have liberated the Jews without all-out war. Wars are fought for political reasons, and people die en masse for political reasons.
“What if a school shooter invades your classroom?”
I’ve thought about this carefully, and realize that the protection of my students outweighs my pacifism. So I plan to grab a chair and wield it against the attacker, throwing it if necessary (and hoping adrenaline will be on my side).
“What if someone attacks you?”
I’ve taken a dirty streetfighting defense class. The idea is debilitate and run. Again, this is an imminent situation and fighting may be the lesser of two evils.
“What about a gun for protection?”
This is the slippery slope. When one has a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When one has a gun for protection, everything looks like an assailant. Child deaths and suicide are more likely in a household with a gun. A gun is symbolic of what we want to avoid in pacifism.
“Why are martial arts different?”
I would distinguish here between martial arts with a philosophy that one avoid conflict if at all possible and more aggressive martial arts. Asian martial arts, in particular, emphasize the former. If I were to learn a martial art, it would be aikido, one which uses the force and impetus of the assailant against him.
In the End
I sometimes wonder if setting Apocalypse in a pacifistic setting (the ecocollective Barn Swallows’ Dance) is a bad idea for publication. As much as writers are exhorted toward originality, the noncombatants trying to save the world might be too much for mainstream audiences. But I have to remain true to myself, and writing what I know is part of that.
It’s that time of year again, when half the United States watches an ancient ritual, where two bands of people battle it out for the favor of a grateful country. Yes, it’s the Superbowl.
American football holds a disproportionate role in American mythology. It even has a holiday — Superbowl Sunday, the purpose of which is to eat junk food and watch the game.
And watch millions upon millions of dollars worth of commercials. People in the US actually rate the commercials and talk about them for days. I used to use Superbowl commercials in a consumer economics class to teach advertising techniques.
Personally, if I had TV, I’d be watching the Kitten Bowl instead. It’s a painfully cute vision of adoptable kittens frolicking on a gridiron carpet. Less carnage, less change of long-term brain injury, and — well, kittens.
I will, however, watch the Superbowl (it’s streaming online) because I live 90 miles from Kansas City, and the Chiefs are in the game for the first time in 50 years. I will don the catsup and mustard colors of the hometown team and eat guacamole and chips and rate the commercials.
Happy Superbowl Day
Does anyone out there suffer from the winter blues? I’m suffering from the winter blues right now. My mood tracking app (Daylio, which I think is available for both Android and iOS) has been registering me as “Meh” the past few days.
I manage to stave off the winter blues through the holiday season because, well, holiday cheer. I love Christmas, with its carols and greenery. But once January comes, there’s two whole months with nothing to look forward to but the end of winter.
What am I doing to deal with the blahs? Not nearly enough. Usually at this time, I’m very involved with seedlings for the gardens at this point in the year, and this helps me keep on an even keel. But we’re working on getting the weed infestation out of the raised beds, so no seed starting.
I’m drinking lots of coffee and eating spicy food. I’m eating too much and need to lose weight. I’m writing, and that always helps, but I don’t feel like writing much.
So what strategies can I use? I happen to teach a positive psychology class, so I have some ideas here:
I wish I had more patience.
I’m playing the long game, wanting to be traditionally published. And it’s a long game, because the market is glutted with people like me who want to be published. The market is fickle, as it wants to pick books without risk. And the market is shrinking, because there are fewer readers.
I have invested a lot in my books. Developmental edits, beta reading, and sometimes massive rewritings. I’m now at a point where I don’t think I can improve them any more. (I could, of course, be wrong). I have gone through cycles of rejection, and I don’t know if I can go through it again.
But I do, because I have optimism. Every morning I wake up believing that my life could change in one day. I’ve heard enough stories where someone’s life changes tragically in one moment; I believe it’s just as likely that my life can change for the better. So as long as I have my works in the hands of agents and publishers, I can hope.
Words Like Me 