Day 7 Lenten Meditation: Dust



We have a natural antipathy to dust, perhaps because it’s something we can’t control. Dust is ubiquitous. Dust exceeds our ability to clean as it sparkles in the sun drifting through windows. 

Dust symbolizes the useless and unclean. In the Bible, the Apostles were instructed to knock the dust of inhospitable towns from their sandals on the way out. (This is especially noteworthy as feet were seen as unclean in that culture.) Dusting is a regular part of housecleaning, and neglecting to do it will raise the scorn of neighbors.

Dust inspires poetry about death and mortality. “Unto dust you shall return …” declares the Roman Catholic mass on Ash Wednesday. 

We do not like to think about dust. We will never love dust, and that is fine. We will fight dust, like we fight filth, like we fight against death.

But in the end, it will win. 


Day 5 Lenten Meditation: Sanctuary

We all need a place to feel safe. 

Whether safety means the need to get away from a hard day at work, a sense of loss from trauma, or an immediate threat to one’s well-being, sanctuary is necessary.

Some find sanctuary in a closed door, a meditation session, or a safe community. Some find sanctuary in writing, or art, or other engrossing activity. Some find sanctuary in family or friends, or in religion.

Inside each of us, no matter how old we are, is our memory of childhood, which was safe or not safe, That part of fears the unknown as something dangerous. That young self yearns for sanctuary. 


We can’t stay in sanctuary forever, because if we do, we are fugitives from live. Nobody needs to be safe forever. But it’s good that sanctuary is there when we feel threatened.

Day 4 Lenten Meditation: Passion



My idea of a creation story for this earth: The world was created in a burst of passion, with the raw materials for life combining in a great explosion of potentiality. 


Passion brings worlds into being.

When I write passionately, I create dystopias at times, but I plant the seeds for reclamation. 

Passion makes us reach out for justice.

When I see a kindred spirit, I feel passion for their presence.

Passion to live turns every day into love.

When I am most passionate, I come to know myself better.

Passion infuses us with becoming.




Day 3 Lenten Meditation: Risk





Without risk, there is no reward. There is only buckling in to the forces inside and outside of us.

Many examples of healthy, responsible risk-taking exist. Investing money for return on investment, dating, expressing one’s feelings, submitting creative works for publication, going up for a promotion. Confronting corruption and injustice, changing the status quo and being authentic also take risks.

Risk instills fear — of rejection, of failure, of loss, of negative consequences. Many people focus on the loss instead of the potential gain, and we call them risk-averse. Avoiding risk has its cost — lost opportunity, lack of progress, and a dearth of fulfillment. 

Choosing risk for its potential rewards may require changing one’s mindset with one or more of the following:

  • Examining the fear against the potential return
  • Believing that one will survive the worst case scenarios
  • Feeling the fear and taking the risk anyway 
Without risk, there is no reward. There is only buckling in to the forces inside and outside of us.

Day 2 Lenten Meditation: Commitment

This is a hard thing for me to write about, because I feel the guilt of all the times I broke my commitments because of depression.

My enthusiasm (and hypomania) would carry me into trying to do something but the depression would keep me from following up. I overcommitted, I underperformed.

It took the medication for me to see who I wanted to be. I don’t over-commit these days, knowing that the only thing that keeps me from mood swings is a precarious balance of medication. But I do commit — to my job, to my marriage, to the things I believe in.

Commitment defines me. I am not just what I embrace, but what I follow through on.  


Day 1 Lenten Meditation: Prayer



I’ll be honest — I don’t understand prayer anymore.

By “anymore”, I mean “not since I got put on medication for bipolar disorder. I have bipolar II, and my prayer life spun between being elated and feeling like I had a pipeline to our perception of God, and being depressed and praying in vain. Things are evened out, and my logical mind has taken over and made me question praying.

Does God grant our prayers? I wonder what happens when two football teams pray for a victory. Does God pick his favorite team? Does God bribe the referees? Choose the team that prayed the best?

If God grants our prayers, we rejoice that our prayers are granted. If God does not, we don’t say a thing. 

I’m not completely skeptical about prayer, though. I think prayer helps us find something within ourselves, strength or comfort or acceptance. I think that prayer fortifies us to help us face an unfair and unfriendly world. 

And prayer helps me find my keys in the mornin.

Lent: 40-some days of reflection

I will once again be doing #UULent reflections, even though I am not Unitarian Universalist and I’m not even sure I’m Christian these days given the bad name Evangelism/Fundamentalism are giving Christianity. I do like the concept of Lent as a period not of giving up but of growing up, and I feel like these prompts will help me focus on that outside of myself.  

These reflections will be on my blog for the next 47 days (whatever happened to 40 days of Lent?). Please join me in reading and reflecting, whatever your religious preference is. 

Novel in need of resuscitation.




I’m contemplating scrapping a novel.

Gaia’s Hands, my first book, needs so much help. I can’t even explain why, except that it just isn’t up to my standards. The B story (Jeanne and Josh’s relationship) doesn’t feel quite right. The A story needs a few adjustments. The magic seems intermittent and just wedged in.

All in all, I am frustrated with this story, even though I’ve rewritten it so many times it’s ridiculous.

It’s down to a short novel. Maybe if I cut enough, it can be a novella. I don’t see it getting larger again. 

Wish me luck.