Dreams vs goals

I’ve been pretty mellow lately about my writing, getting my enjoyment from editors telling me how to improve. This is my most noble self, but my sanguinity even in the face of rejections doesn’t motivate me to push myself — for example, I haven’t sent queries lately. I haven’t finished editing Whose Hearts are Mountains (although that may need a developmental editor). 


I still daydream about getting a novel published, even though I understand how hard it is, and I know I’m not a literary writer but a genre writer, and my stuff seems like it needs an endless amount of improvement …


I need to set some goals again. I’ll make them SMART goals — specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound.

  • Write/submit 5 short stories/poems/flash fiction by December 31, 2020
  • Get Whose Hearts are Mountains into developmental edit by March 1, 2020
  • Send 50 queries for Gaia’s Hands by February 1, 2020
  • Send 50 queries for Apocalypse by August 1, 2020
Note that my goals are in terms of what I will do (submit) rather than what might happen (publication). It’s not realistic for me to determine someone else’s actions. 

I suspect I will be successful in fulfilling these goals — in general I’m very goal oriented. What I don’t know is if they’ll yield dreams come true.

I don’t know where I’m going

I know I’ve been writing very boring posts lately, and for that I apologize. My justification (not excuse) is NaNo and projects.

What have I been thinking about lately? NaNo and projects. Ok, that’s not a good start to a blog.

I’ve also been thinking about my relationship with writing. On one hand, I’ve hit some very positive rejections that have 1) given me ideas of how to improve, and 2) have said positive things about my writing. 

I might actually be taking my writing more seriously than I have before, and with that I wonder more if I can get my writing to the point where it deserves being published. I don’t know if I’ve gotten there with my stories, and I wonder what it would take to get to that point. 

I still have some big things out there — I have Prodigies at DAW, Apocalypse at Tor, Voyageurs in a novella contest, a submission to Pitch Wars, and — well, I don’t think I will win any of these. And I don’t know what to think about this. 

Meh again

I think I burned myself out on editing for a while.

It’s Sunday, and I have plenty of time to edit Whose Hearts are Mountains for NaNo. Yet I can’t bring myself to do it, even though I have nothing better to do today.

On the other hand, I’ve got 69 hours in between the two novels, and NaNo is a little more than half over. 

What I need is a new developmental editor, as mine has gone on leave and I really don’t know what to do with Whose Hearts are Mountains. How does one find a developmental editor? 

Meh.

I took a break from the blog yesterday because I’ve been working on my online presence for spring classes (all done; assignments are where they should be with due dates as they should be) and working on Whose Hearts are Mountains (which isn’t a total mess, but a frustrating problem with how to make more tension in the first half.)

I’m at 67k (67 hours) for NaNo, at least 50 of that going to the big edit of Gaia’s Hands. I’ve almost quit posting time because I’m so far over my time.

Today I am going to spend as much time as I can stand on Whose Hearts are Mountains, but I don’t know how much that will be because I’m feeling a bit underwhelmed. Not upset, not depressed, just underwhelmed with my writing. Meh.

Writers’ Balk

I woke up this morning not wanting to write.

Actually, it’s an editing day — Whose Hearts are Mountains won’t edit itself. But I am not, as they say, feeling the love.

It might be that the 50k/10 days binge edit of Gaia’s Hands has taken a lot out of me. It could be because it’s a week and a half  till Thanksgiving Break and I’m on break already. It could be because I’m discouraged from the latest rejections. It could be because I’m not sure why I want to get published at the moment.

At any rate, I’m staring at the draft thinking, “How do I fix this?” This meaning one of the big flaws of the first half of the book (having fixed the other two) which is pacing.

I was told there was not enough of import happening in the first half, despite the fact that she gets shot at, rammed into, kidnapped, and exposed to a virus. And has flashbacks from being captured by a paramilitary group. You can see why I’m bewildered. 

I HAVE to work on it tonight, because I’m having a NaNo Come Write Me space at the Board Game Cafe. So maybe I wait till then.

If I get published

If I ever get a book published traditionally (my optimistic friends say “when”, not “if”), it will change my life in many ways. 

The money won’t be a big change — according to Derek Murphy, the average amount an author earns is the advance, which is $10k, or $8k after the agent gets their cut.  

I will have to hire an entertainment lawyer to look over the contract and see if there are any potential hitches. 

I will have to sign a contract, after which my rights to my book will be curtailed for a period of time.

I will have to consider promoting my book, which will include travel. I would likely do this in the summer, which means I will have to schedule around internship visits.

I will have to step up my social media game. I haven’t done that yet because I have nothing really to promote except this blog. 

I’ve probably forgotten something.

Sometimes it seems more work than it’s worth, but it’s worth it to me. So I keep trying, keep improving, keep pushing myself.

Moving on to the next edit

Gaia’s Hands is a done book. I will probably send it out for queries after the first of the year. For now, I want it to rest on my computer and I want to not be obsessed with it for a while.

Now to move on to edit Whose Hearts are Mountains. I don’t have a lot to go by, as my dev editor is on leave. But what I have is daunting — not enough action in the beginning. I thought I had enough action in the beginning, but now I have to figure out how to put in more. 

I used to be horrible in receiving criticism. Now I’m humble and take it with the belief that it will make my writing better. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m always learning more. 

I hope it’s making me better. I hope it’s making me good enough to be published. 

Not doing that again.

I’m still done with NaNo. And my brain is fried. 

Five hours a day editing seemed really rational while I was doing it, but I feel like half the month has passed without me really noticing.  (It’s only one third of the month.) I’ve managed to get all my “work-work” done during that time period, strangely enough.

I’ve promised to continue doing NaNo, but only two hours a day. Maybe. If I can manage it. 

Now back to final read of Gaia’s Hands, which has turned out to be far, far better than it was on first writing.

50K!

I just made my 50k words for NaNoWriMo (actually 50 hours, as I was rebelling this year by editing) in 10 days. That’s 5 hours a day, which means I wasn’t doing much of anything else but writing in my spare time. 

It was insane. On the other hand, I think I have Gaia’s Hands to the point where, after a friend reads it, I could publish it. I think I learned a lot about editing. And focus. And feeling braindead at the end of a day.

I will finish a read-through on it, and then, I will probably start on Whose Hearts are Mountains. Only 2 hours a day, though. And it’s going to take a lot more work, because it has structural problems in the first third. 

Time to pass out now.