Thankful for my Burdens

I make a habit of being thankful for the adversity in my life as a way to make peace with it. This year is no exception:

I am thankful for the social isolation I’ve faced with COVID-19, because I have had to learn to be patient and to wait for those vacations and writing retreats to be scheduled in an unforeseen future.
I am thankful for my bipolar disorder because I’ve had to learn to take care of myself.
I am thankful for my learning disability (the inability to visualize) because it has made me work harder on my writing.
I am thankful for every argument I’ve gotten into with my husband because we’ve both learned from them.
I am thankful for not being rich because I haven’t lost my sense of perspective.

I know that it’s an odd thing to be thankful for adversity, but to me it’s more powerful than to be thankful for one’s blessings. I have many, and I could go on about those. It always feels to me, though, that being thankful for one’s blessings is rubbing it in to others who don’t have those blessings. It’s easier for me to be thankful for my burdens.

Adapting to Adversity

We got snow in October. Ask me how I feel about it.

This is a year to feel cheated. COVID has cheated us of extended family and friends, our old routines, and recreation. And now, my outraged brain shouts, “Autumn has been canceled due to snow!”

But it’s not as simple as that, for COVID or for Autumn.

The snow will melt soon and we’ll have Autumn again — maybe the dreary, rainy sort, but nonetheless Autumn. And we will have life with a more controlled COVID, although not for a while unless a proper vaccine is available.

In the meantime we will become resilient, adapt to the new situation, using the greatest strength we have as humans. We will joke about snownados in December and curse 2020 as the most calamitous year ever. But we will adapt as we have been adapting, for the first rule of the universe is “Adapt or die”.

Day 7 Reflection: Resilience

Resilience is a concept that has passed from the psychological lexicon to everyday language. The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress — such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors” (American Psychological Association (APA), 2019). More simply put, it is the ability to bounce back.

The person with resilience as a trait recovers from being let go from a job by planning to regain employment rather than falling into helplessness. They recover from life-altering trauma stronger than before. They star in our inspirational stories, and we admire them for their blossoming in the face of adversity, their ability to bounce back.

We need to remember two things about resilience. The first one, as the APA (2019) reminds us, is that resilience is a common trait. People in general have displayed this trait countless times, after major disasters such as Hurricane Katrina; terrorist attacks such as 9/11 and Oklahoma City, as well as during common events such as illness, death of a loved one, and loss of a job.

The other thing we need to remember is that resilience is fostered by a series of internal and external factors. The biggest factor in resilience, according to the APA (2019) is “caring and supportive relationships both inside and outside the family“. This is not a small thing; people need other people to make sense of adversity and tragedy.

Other factors include:

· The capacity to make realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.

· A positive view of yourself and confidence in your strengths and abilities.

· Skills in communication and problem solving.

· The capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses. (APA, 2019).

To become resilient, we can work to develop these networks and skills. Those of us with disordered childhoods or other challenges may choose to see a therapist to get coaching on how to develop these skills, and we should view counseling as a positive.

We can also contribute to others’ resilience by providing that community support needed to foster resilience. As such, we need to embrace people in their messiness and neediness, allowing them the process of bouncing back from their crises and challenges. As much as we want to take the pain of the crisis or challenge away from someone, our role may simply be to listen and hold space for that person.

Resilience is not a rare gift. It is a key aspect of our humanity, to be nurtured and developed.

American Psychological Association (APA) (2019). The road to resilience. Available: https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience[March 12, 2019].