A bout of depression

I’m sorry — I have been gone for most of a week.

A week is not long enough for people to wonder what happened to me — perhaps I was playing catch-up on my grading (I was), or dealing with student projects (I was), or editing my book (I was).

I was also falling into depression.

The medications are not perfect — some need to be adjusted or even replaced after a while. Stress or tragedy can kick someone into depression, and some medical conditions such as vitamin deficiencies or low thyroid can cause or exacerbate depression.

In depression, my survival mechanism is to just keep pushing myself to go to work and get things done. It’s a good survival mechanism, because it keeps me from digging myself deeper. I may do nothing but sleep when I get home, but I get my work done. It preserves my identity.

I’m on my way back up, and I will be writing again in this space. Glad to be back.

Finding my Characters Again

I haven’t written much in a while. I find I’m barely writing more than a sentence at a time in either of my works in progress for at least a month. This is what depression and medication reactions (Today’s vocabulary word: Parasthesia) and rejections do to my motivation. No muses either. But I’m not going to whine about that.

I’m going to try to write today, though, because there’s not much else to do. A minor ice storm has packed a punch beyond its reputation, making roads slick enough that several semis and a MODOT (Missouri Department of Transportation) truck went into ditches. I wanted to go to Kansas City River Market to pick up some unusual Asian vegetables and see if I could find a Keiffer Lime tree, and to see if Planters had some intriguing plant stuff. It’s not happening today.

I think what I need to do is get introduced to my characters again.

In Prodigies, my main character is Grace Silverstein, a teenage mixed-heritage (black/Jewish) viola prodigy with a gift for influencing the emotions of her audiences. She’s been in residential music schools all her life and has had very little contact with her family before they died in a plane crash. She tends to be sardonic, probably as a cover for the very real loneliness she has faced all her life. She is currently on the run from shadowy forces that call themselves Second World Renaissance. They want to use Grace for her talent — or kill her if she will not cooperate.

Ichirou, another teen prodigy, has become her ally in their escapes. Ichirou, from Japan, is a former hikikomori, or recluse, which he entered into at a very young age. Through the residential program Renesansu, he has developed skills and resilience, but he is still a soft-spoken introvert. He has the unusual talent of evoking states of comfort, threat, compliance, and others through computer graphics. He is also on the run from Second World Renaissance.

Ayana, Ichirou’s former teacher and “rental sister”, has aided Ichirou and Grace escape the repeated attempts by Second World Renaissance to capture them. She has keen strategies to help them evade, but she seems to be keeping a secret about why she’s involved. Her demeanor is proper, as if she is still Ichirou’s schoolteacher, but hints of strong emotion sometimes leak through. She apparently has no unusual talents, but can speak several languages. She has never spoken of her past.

Greg, a mysterious man of mercurial mood and many disguises, appears to be an ally of Ayana’s, although it’s not clear how they met. He has rescued Grace and Ichirou from several scrapes, often unbeknownst to them. He hides many secrets, including his involvement with the group and a talent that causes him much grief.

I will leave the main character and one or two of the other characters for Hearts are Mountains later on. But I’m feeling better about writing today. And I’ll have plenty of time.

A Writing Day

I think I’m ready to have a writing day at the local Corporate Coffee. I’m ambitious about it right now because it’s a Saturday and the only other thing I must do this weekend is plant a flat of tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant. I’m cautious about it because I’m on a new medication with the usual bevy of unusual possible side effects, and I’m still coming off the depression. But sometimes I fake it till I make it.

I’m going back to adapting/changing/editing Whose Hearts are Mountains. The concepts I get to play around with are: How do you survive undetected through centuries, even millennium, if you’re effectively immortal? What tradeoffs are there for effective immortality, higher physical capabilities, and the ability to talk to each other telepathically? How do you relate — if you do — to humans? What “tells” are there that might give you away? What if you were one of these mythical beings and you didn’t know it? How would you react if you find out? Most of this is character, not plot, which figures. I love my characters most of all.

I don’t know if I will send any more queries out, to be truthful. Or if I do, where will I send them, because I’ve gone at least halfway through the fantasy agent list with only rejections to show. I’m still not considering self-publication, because the irony is that if you’ve self-published, you won’t be able to get that book published mainstream. I’m reconciling myself with the possibility that the world doesn’t need my books. But I will write anyhow.