Riding in a car on a major highway makes me nervous. I have a sense of all the things that can go wrong while driving, and they easily come to mind while I am a passenger on major highways. When I’m driving, I don’t think of them as much because I have to concentrate on driving. But as a passenger, I think about merging into someone, going off the road, hitting the guardrail, causing a three-car pileup, and other gruesome scenarios at 70 miles per hour.

When I was a relatively new driver (at the age of 32), I once put my car in a ditch going 75 on I-70, crossing two lanes of traffic to do so. I have PTSD over that 30 years later, knowing how close I was to causing accidents in the lanes I crossed. I don’t know how I managed to blindly miss other cars while I overcorrected across the interstate. I don’t feel lucky; I feel guilty, as if I actually got into that wreck and did serious damage to people.

I feel guilty about the times I was a passenger of an impaired driver. I didn’t think about it at the time it was happening even though the driver was smoking pot and drinking a bit. I should never have taken the risk; I was unmedicated back then, so I blithely took risks because my mind said everything would be fine.

I think the nervousness comes from the guilt. Like I was lucky and my luck is about to change. Like I’ve racked up bad karma from my carelessness and it will catch up with me. This is why I get nervous when riding in a car on the highway.

There are six words that someone can say that make me so nervous, I have to work not to panic. They’re not uncommon words either. All it takes is the phrase “I need to talk to you.” It doesn’t matter if it’s my boss, my husband, or a friend — the phrase makes me spiral.

In my mind, nothing good comes from that phrase. It speaks of being called into the office and reprimanded, or worse. My heart rate goes up, my stomach churns, and my mind searches for what I may have done wrong.

It’s even worse when someone says that to me and they can’t talk to me until the next day. I spend that entire day in near-panic mode. I can lose whole days to the nervousness.

Usually, however, the actual message is not nearly as nerve-wracking as the wait. It’s usually about something like taking on an extra class for the semester or leaving the bath mat on the floor. Nothing worth two days of terror. My mind, however, refuses to believe that the next time someone says “I need to talk to you.”

I advise anyone who says “I need to talk to you” to give me a synopsis of what we’re talking about so I can prepare for the meeting. But really, it’s so I don’t lose my mind worrying.