Daily writing prompt

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

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The lesson I didn’t learn until I was in my early thirties, that I wish I would have learned a lot sooner, was “Not everyone is going to like you, and you’re not going to like everyone.”

As a child, I wanted everyone to like me. I think this was because I didn’t get the feeling of always being loved by my parents. I had a very uneven upbringing, where my mother threatened me with abandonment as a form of discipline.

Everyone didn’t like me. I was bullied in school, not surprisingly, because I was so needy. It’s ironic, but the people who get bullied are the ones who need friendship the most. They are vulnerable, and bullies seek vulnerability.

As an adult, this need to be liked carried over. As a professor, this helped me get along with my students, but afraid to stand up to them. I did anyhow, somehow, but felt bad when they didn’t like me anymore.

Then one day, in a therapy group, I ran into a bully at a very vulnerable time. The therapist gave me permission to think sadistic thoughts about the bully. I didn’t go so far, but it was a shock to my system that I didn’t have to belly up in front of her and grovel till she liked me.

Later, a social worker told me “Not everyone’s going to like you, and you’re not going to like everyone.” That was probably the most important piece of advice someone has ever given me. I no longer try to ingratiate myself to people who dislike me. My life is a lot calmer and more peaceful. And not everyone has to like me. I’m okay.

Daily writing prompt

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

View all responses

“Not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone.”

I did not learn this lesson until I was in my thirties, in a difficult situation. I attended an inpatient program for sexual abuse survivors in complex circumstances, and I was being bullied by one of the women there in group therapy. Instead of writing her off as a — many words come to mind, none of them kind — I alternated between trying to ingratiate myself to her and defending myself. Just as I had done in my childhood when people bullied me.

I spent a lot of time crying about my mistreatment. Then, in a one-on-one with my social worker, she said, “not everyone will like you, and you won’t like everyone.” I stared at her. Wasn’t it normal to be liked by everyone? Wasn’t there something wrong with me if not everyone liked me? No, and no.

This became my mantra when faced with bullies or even people who just didn’t like me. I didn’t have to grovel to people who didn’t like me. I didn’t have to make them like me. I had the right to exist, like everyone else.