I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.

This is my mantra when my thoughts say ugly things to me. Negative self-talk is ingrained in the mind to be triggered when emotions pull us below zero. It hollows out my sadness until it is a gaping maw to devour me.

I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.

Negative self-talk is learned — by parents, by experiences, by other trusted adults. I experienced extensive bullying, emotional abuse, sexual assault and rape, conditional love. I have learned to devalue myself.

I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.

My self-talk tends to tell me that I’m no good, nobody has ever loved me, and everyone thinks I’m weird. My mind believes that I am helpless and powerless and that everything bad that happens to me is still my fault. Most of the time I can keep these insinuations at bay, but when I feel negative emotions, the negative self-talk gnaws at me, spiraling down so that I reside at the bottom of a dank well.

I am surrounded by love,
and love is my protection.

I don’t know if the words are true, but when I say them, I feel loved and protected. I don’t know if it’s my mind is soothing me now, if I’m making a prayer to a higher power, or if one can actually feel love from people far away. It doesn’t matter — my mantra is making me whole again.