Sunday morning at Mozingo Lake. I’m sitting on the couch swathed in blankets in front of the fire, recovering from my decision to turn the heater down for the night. The main room temperature was 57 degrees this morning; the bedroom, without its own heat, probably hit the low fifties. So I’m now pampered on the couch while Richard makes hot chocolate.
I’ve decided to do one more editing pass of Whose Hearts are Mountains, suspecting that I concentrated too much on the “was is where have had has” and not enough on other aspects that need smoothing out. And I have one more novel that needs editing after that.
I’m postponing writing another novel, and I know it.
Like I said, I have an idea for a new novel that I’ve been sitting on for a while. The name of the novel is (tentatively) God’s Seeds; I’ve talked about it in these pages. It might help me to do what I usually do when I write — pay attention to the relationships between characters. The themes come first, the plot I create in the outline, but in my books, the relationships between characters create the dialog and the unfolding of the story. The main relationship in this novel is between Baird Wilkens, a half-human Nephilim and Leah Inhofer, a young adult with a startling gift. The story is in the Archetype universe, taking place a year or so after the Apocalypse. (Note to readers — the Apocalypse doesn’t turn out like you think. Look up the origin of the word)
It’s just hard to write right now because of my failure to get something accepted. I’ve already fulfilled my goal of writing a novel several times over, so another novel isn’t a tantalizing new goal. I haven’t gotten published or even found an agent yet, and so that goal seems daunting enough that I’m becoming avoidant.
What do I need right now? A clear path — an idea of what to do next. Give up? (I don’t feel like I’d have closure if I did this.) Self-publish? (I’m still scared of landing into obscurity, and it wouldn’t feel like closure.) Keep plugging away? (Insanity is doing the same thing over and over with the same results). Pray? (I’ve been doing this. No answer, my friends. No answer.)
At this moment, I guess it doesn’t matter, because I’m parked in front of a warm fire in a pine-paneled cabin, Outside lies a snowy landscape and iced-over lake. All is fine.
Tag: frustration
What I’m working on
Rewrites are harder than I thought:
Lilly Doe thought she’d have a nice quiet evening at home.
She sat in her sanctum, the soothing living room of her Chicago bungalow. After looking through a research paper on modern Archetypes and the female psyche, Lilly strolled over to her bookcase to find a mystery novel to read — and dissolved into a sparkling mist.
When the molecules that made up her body realigned themselves, Lilly found herself in an eerily perfect coffeehouse. Black walls, dark interior. Scattered shelves with bric-a-brac — a stuffed armadillo, a badly tarnished coffee urn. A small stage, enough for three musicians, but perhaps not enough for four. A dusty upright piano, which she suspected was in perfect tune. Lilly felt as if her insides were still sparkly mist and her legs about to dematerialize once more. But stubbornness would not allow her to shrink from the emergent situation.
The coffeehouse, however, stood silent, and nobody sat at the tables. If Heaven had a coffeehouse, Lilly reasoned, this would be it. Who knew Heaven would be so empty?
Lilly felt goosebumps form on her arms. Her knees buckled, and she collapsed into a chair. She pinched herself and felt pain.
Just then, a man glided up to the chair across from her and sat down. The man had fine, straight, black hair pulled into a loose ponytail, wide Asian eyes, and a graceful nose. He wore unrelieved black, which almost blended into the darkness of the walls.
The man looked at her expectantly.
“Am I dead?” she queried.
“No,” he replied, in a silky tenor. “I suppose you could be dreaming, Lilly.” He rested his chin on his elbows, watching the emotions play on the woman’s face.
“I don’t dream,” she snapped. “Do we know each other?”
The man raised his eyebrows. “I know of you. You have touched me.” He studied her again: a short, curvy woman with sunny curls, a button nose, and at the moment a scowl on her face.
“How could I have touched you? I don’t know you!” Lilly shivered.
“I heard a story about you once. It touched my heart,” he murmured. A long-fingered hand gestured toward his heart.
“I don’t know you,” Lilly snapped, standing up.
The man gestured her back down gracefully. “Think of me as an Archetype,” he said. “An Archetype who holds a cultural pattern for humans – thousands, even millions of people at once. Without their cultural DNA, their anchoring in the world, humans will die.”
“Millions of humans? ” Fear replaced skepticism, as though the words resonated with a buried part of Lilly’s memory.
“Pretty much. Archetypes generally live in spaces between worlds, a bleak place called InterSpace, so they can be called to be the template for a human in this world. Archetypes seldom visit Earthside, except in our case.”
“If this is a dream, why are you in it?” She held her breath to keep from screaming. “People can’t dream of what they haven’t seen before.”
“Did I say it was a dream? I called you here, to the ideal coffeehouse, a space that would reassure you, so I could talk to you.” His hand touched hers, and she jolted.
“This isn’t reassuring me,” Lilly sighed.
At that moment, two large lattes appeared on the table. Lilly took a sip; a perfect latte. “Are these real?” she asked.
“Is this not the best latte you have ever tasted?” He smiled as if he’d made the lattes himself.
Lilly remembered the setting finally, a Chicago fixture whose eclectic shabbiness had earned it renown. It had been years since she had been — Lilly shivered. This compelling man – Archetype – spoke in riddles. “So why are we here?”
A Sense of Purpose
Having a beta-reader read my work has been a revelation.
All the frustration at not being published has dissolved in a sense of purpose I hadn’t expected to find. It seems I want my writing to improve more than I want my writing to be published. I actually anticipate the latest chapter report from my beta-reader as an opportunity to refine the book, to allow its message to shine.
This is who I am. At least this is closer to my self-image than the frustration I felt when getting rejections that gave me no idea of what to improve. With my writing, I don’t want to be told “It’s not you, it’s me,” I want to be told what didn’t work. (On the other hand, in relationships, I’d rather be told “It’s not you, it’s me.”) To tell me what’s wrong and what needs improving communicates that my work is worth improving.
So I welcome my beta-reader making comments on “This scene goes by too quickly” and “What’s all this focus on smashing his eggs?” and I’m taking her out to dinner when this is over. Thanks, Sheri!
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I know my blog posts have been really short lately; I hope that isn’t a problem. revising a class of mine from the ground level. All my deep thoughts are going toward family resource management, poverty, and basic financial skills — which is my field of study, but still requires wrestling up a lot of material to inform the class.
I’ll keep writing because I enjoy talking to you, and I hope you enjoy reading. This too will pass. And if you want to be a beta-reader (or just want to say hi), drop me a message!
Frustration in iambic pentameter
Eentsy-teensy poem
And step outside into the misty autumn.