Gaia’s Hands is a done book. I will probably send it out for queries after the first of the year. For now, I want it to rest on my computer and I want to not be obsessed with it for a while.
Now to move on to edit Whose Hearts are Mountains. I don’t have a lot to go by, as my dev editor is on leave. But what I have is daunting — not enough action in the beginning. I thought I had enough action in the beginning, but now I have to figure out how to put in more.
I used to be horrible in receiving criticism. Now I’m humble and take it with the belief that it will make my writing better. I’ve learned a lot, and I’m always learning more.
I hope it’s making me better. I hope it’s making me good enough to be published.
Tag: improvement
Enough
No signs of outward success will be enough. I think every writer falls into it:
- We want an agent
- Then we want a publisher
- Then we wish we’d gotten a better publisher
- People who self-publish wish they’d gone traditional
- People published with traditional publishers wish they’d sold more copies
On the other hand, it’s human nature to want to improve, and how can we tell we’ve improved? By external validation. We recognize that “I think it’s great” has its limitations as proof of success. We want experts to say we’ve improved.
I know I’m in this “not good enough” cycle. I have gotten compliments on my writing. I got runner-up in one publisher’s writing contest and first place in a small journal’s essay contest. And that’s within less than two months of sending my short stuff out. I’ve gotten many more rejections, and for once I’m not counting the rejections, so that’s progress. But I’m starting to belittle what I’ve gotten as “not enough”.
I think the key is to not belittle those successes as “not enough”, but to push forward. And this includes doing anything I can do to get better. Maybe I could count getting through dev edits, peer critiques, and beta readers as success.
PS: I just discovered how to do emojis on 😁😂💖Windows!
Growing as a Writer
Gaia’s Hands, the novel I’ve gone back to revise, was my first novel, and it’s been a problem child since its conception. I have amended it, added to it, subtracted from it, tried it as a novella, and still it’s been not quite enough.
It’s always seemed like a small novel, one in which not much happened, even though a lot happened. A novel in which a relationship developed and then, after a few chapters, Jeanne’s getting persecuted by her department, and then …
Almost like there were two halves of the book — first half relationship and second half disaster.
Why didn’t I figure this out sooner?
I’ve been growing as a writer. Those rejections from agents and publishers have helped me to seek out improvement. My dev editor, Chelsea Harper, has helped me to see where I can improve. The rewrites have helped me to see what I can become.
I don’t know that I would have gone through this process of improvement if I’d gone straight to self-publishing. I’m glad I have to work hard for my dream.
Self-examination and the Author
Yesterday, I asked my Facebook friends how to tell the difference between low self-esteem and brutal self-examination.
One of my friends responded with this inquiry: “Always ask yourself if you are being your own best friend. If you were talking to a friend would you talk that way? If not, that voice doesn’t pay rent for space in your head. Kick her out!”
I thought about this — How do I talk to myself?
I spend a lot of time examining my behavior, a running commentary in my head. But I don’t indulge in negative self-talk. I don’t say “OMG, I can’t believe you put that in your query letter! You’re an idiot!” I say, “That went well, but you could have done better with this other thing.” Which I could have.
Would I talk to a friend like that? If they asked. Maybe I would emphasize the positive a bit more, which I don’t do for myself. To be honest, I need to point out more of the positives to myself.
Another friend of mine, a psychologist, pointed out that self-awaqreness correlates with accomplishment but self-esteem doesn’t. This is from research; I haven’t found the study yet to give the citation. It makes sense, though — self-awareness helps people to improve and it also gives them a connection to what they want to accomplish. Self-esteem, on the other hand, may help people feel good about themselves but lies separate from introspection. Self-esteem without self-awareness can become fatuous, a feel good mantra without substance. And self-awareness comes from self-examination.
When I write and I get rejections (which is all I’ve gotten so far), I go through what I’ve done to see where I could improve. This requires me to step back from the story I fell in love with when I wrote it. I think about the publication market versus my topics and ask myself whether I want to write specifically for the market (I want to write and see where the fantasy novel market and I intersect). I improve where I can, honing my skills at editing and using help like developmental editors.
Brutal self-examination isn’t fun. It’s a familiar commentary of “Have you tried this?” and “Next time do that” and “This would have worked better here”. I have to admit I don’t celebrate my successes enough, and I would have to tone down the post-mortem questions if I were talking to a friend. I need to take more time for “You did this well” and “You’re doing the right things” and “Good job!”
Another thing to examine myself about.
Room for improvement
I’ve got my development edit back from my developmental editor, Chelsea Harper (who deserves a shoutout) and there’s plenty of work that needs to be done. I think it’s a good thing that she caught all these places, because I as an author can’t see all of them.
I should explain what a developmental editor is — a developmental editor examines the story for plot development, character development, and writing structure — in other words, she looks at the story with an eye for making it stronger and more readable. This can be the difference between a rejection and an acceptance, because agents have so many manuscripts to choose from that they’re going to skim your work initially to see if it “grabs” you. A mild introduction, an ambiguous character, an information dump (telling rather than showing), will all turn off an agent. Even if the story idea is brilliant and daring, they won’t see it through the distractions.
I think that’s an important thing to emphasize — I as an author can’t see all the places my work needs improvement. I’m too familiar with the characters to see where I’ve shortchanged them. I’m too in love with the story to see where I’ve made it hard for readers to be in love with it.
I used to think I didn’t need an editor, because I was an articulate person and I could catch grammatical and other errors. I was arrogant, and I was wrong. I now see developmental edits as part of the process if I want to get published.
If you’re a writer who wants to get published, I suggest finding the money for a developmental editor. If you can’t afford that, find someone who reads a lot to go through it — it’s probably not as good as a good professional, but it’s something.
Your work deserves critique.
My weekend
Since Thursday, I have been in Oriskany (O-RIS-can-knee) New York, at the New York State Preparedness Training Center, doing moulage on willing victims for training purposes.
I’m in my usual post-event daze, made more intense by working under a professional moulage artist with twenty years experience. I learned how to make my injuries even better, how to work with plaster molds, latex and gelatin to make convincing wounds, and how to get wax wounds to stick (I work mostly in wax).
Hope exercises (Missouri Hope, New York Hope, Atlantic Hope and the new ones coming down the pike) are intense. The participants are assigned to teams, and the teams work to solve problems in search and rescue, triage and first aid, and incident command. They are placed in realistic scenarios and have to solve them on the spot. Complications thrown into the scenarios make the participants think on their feet.
There are at least as many staff members as participants — team controller/evaluators, who advise the participant teams, lane controller/evaluators, who run the scenario lanes, logistics personnel, subject matter experts, exercise director and staff, roleplayers —
And the moulage staff, who are looked at with a certain awe.
I’m bone-tired. It’s been an intense couple of days, which I wouldn’t trade for anything, because they’ve given me the opportunity to improve. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense here; I hope so. Thanks for reading.
A Sense of Purpose
Having a beta-reader read my work has been a revelation.
All the frustration at not being published has dissolved in a sense of purpose I hadn’t expected to find. It seems I want my writing to improve more than I want my writing to be published. I actually anticipate the latest chapter report from my beta-reader as an opportunity to refine the book, to allow its message to shine.
This is who I am. At least this is closer to my self-image than the frustration I felt when getting rejections that gave me no idea of what to improve. With my writing, I don’t want to be told “It’s not you, it’s me,” I want to be told what didn’t work. (On the other hand, in relationships, I’d rather be told “It’s not you, it’s me.”) To tell me what’s wrong and what needs improving communicates that my work is worth improving.
So I welcome my beta-reader making comments on “This scene goes by too quickly” and “What’s all this focus on smashing his eggs?” and I’m taking her out to dinner when this is over. Thanks, Sheri!
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I know my blog posts have been really short lately; I hope that isn’t a problem. revising a class of mine from the ground level. All my deep thoughts are going toward family resource management, poverty, and basic financial skills — which is my field of study, but still requires wrestling up a lot of material to inform the class.
I’ll keep writing because I enjoy talking to you, and I hope you enjoy reading. This too will pass. And if you want to be a beta-reader (or just want to say hi), drop me a message!
Words Like Me 