Tag: massages

Day 39 Reflection: Love

My best lesson on love (and massage) I learned from a man named Patch Adams.

Patch, a doctor, clown, and force for delightful subversion, used to visit the university I attended, University of Illinois, where he would lead workshops as an Artist-in-Residence. I didn’t know who Patch was at the time, although all my juggler friends did, so I didn’t know what to expect when I ended up at a massage workshop led by him.

I remember being one of many students sprawled around a dimly lit community room in Allen Hall, where Patch had not arrived yet. All of a sudden, this tall, wiry guy with baggy pants and high-top shoes and a handlebar mustache bounds in ranting “You’re not touching! How can you give a massage when you’re not even touching!” 

As you can tell, I was about to go through a transformative experience.

In this workshop, we did not learn technique. We learned love, with instructions like this:

“Don’t give massage if you want to get into someone’s pants. If you want to get into someone’s pants, say to them, ‘I want to get into your pants.'”

“People need touch, and you need practice. Offer to rub someone’s back. Or even their hand.”

And the most important message: “Whenever you massage someone, think ‘I love you.'” 

This workshop happened some thirty years ago, and I still remember these things vividly. When I’m not too preoccupied with my own woes, I walk down the street thinking “I love you” to the world around me. 

This is what I remember when I think about love.

 

I love you.

I love you.

I’ve gotten off track in my life. There was a time I held those three words in my mind when encountering everyone.

I learned that trick during a massage class years ago with Patch Adams (yes, that Patch Adams for those in the know). He saw massage as a way of giving to others and not a way to get into someone’s pants. (“If you want to get into someone’s pants, tell them, ‘Hey, I’d like to get into your pants.’ If you want to give them a massage, ask to give them a massage.”) He also told the class that if they held the thought “I love you” in their minds, it would make the massage better. And I did, because at that age it was easy for me to love.

As I got older, people seemed less approachable than they were when I was in college. I forgot how to give massages. I forgot how to hug. I forgot to hold “I love you” in my mind when interacting with people. I found myself burdened by grudges, jealousy, all those adult feelings that get in the way.

Last night, during my meditation, my wiser self reminded me of those words, and included others that would help people’s souls:

I love you.
I thank you for being here.
You are beautiful.

I will not say them out loud, because there’s so much baggage with these words, as if we were trying to get into someone’s pants rather than give a massage with no strings attached.

I love you.
I thank you for being here.
You are beautiful.