That Annoying Nightmare

In the nightmare, I am new at the college, which is supposed to be the University of Illinois or SUNY Oneonta (both places I’ve worked), but looks like neither of them. I am halfway across campus from where I should be, and I have a class in twenty minutes. But then something goes wrong — I don’t have my computer or my class notes or I have to come up with a lecture in the next few minutes. I can’t find my office or, for that matter, the classroom because I haven’t been there all semester. I have no way of telling my students that I’m going to be late.

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I suspect the dream is shaming me for being unprepared. But it has nothing to do with being unprepared. Right now my workload is light and I’m on top of it, being summer “vacation”. I just did my grading for the day. I will write later, after I water the plants on my porch. I might go out to Starbucks. I don’t have any “work work” I can do right now because my research is on hold till fall and I already have fall classes put together.

I suppose I feel guilty for relaxing. This is definitely part of what is known as the Protestant work ethic in the US — we have to be working or else we’re debased. I think I’ll put my feet up later and thumb my nose at the nightmare.

A Cognitive Journaling

Last night I had the worst dream, which combined all my worst fears: illness, incompetence, rejection, loss of control, judgment. I will not tell the dream, because I should not burden you with it. Trust me, it was bad. It would be like watching Tar, but instead of sexual abuse, the protagonist was accused of insanity.

I carried the dream with me today, throughout the meeting of two deadlines and preparation for another, 600 words to add to the novel, and an idea of what I will work on at work next year. It took away a lot of the joy I would get in these activities.

I wasted my time here — not that I didn’t get stuff done, but I wasted time where I could have been joyful. I didn’t need to hang onto the nightmare. And I could have let it go by doing some cognitive journaling.

Let’s try some:

Instigating event: Horrible nightmare, and the fear it could come true

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I feel: Scared (80%), upset (60%)

Cognitive distortions: (link)

Fortune telling (I know this is going to happen?)

Awfulizing (Looking at the absolute, cartoonishly worst outcome)

How do I feel now? Both scared and upset are now down to 20%

What do I do now? Relax and take care of myself because I still have mood issues to deal with