Short note

So the writers’ conference is tomorrow. I’ll be going out there today because it’s a five hour drive from here and I’m impatient. I’m as prepared as I can manage — all packed, with copies of the first few pages of Prodigies for further critique/editorial exercise, business cards, my pitch (which I really need to memorize, because it’s succinct as it should be), my business casual garb. 

My friends assure me I’m already a writer, so I have this. I think my idea is to have fun with this and see where it gets me. 

Thank you, friends!

 

Every which way

I’m sitting on my couch, before the day’s meetings and errands and editing (and no gardening as we’re on a flood warning with rain expected. My mind is going every which way:

  •  So much to do these next couple days — meet students, prep for conference, plant stuff, write, prep for conference …

 

  • I am in a holding pattern for Making Things Happen. I don’t want to requery Prodigies until my dev editor has another shot at it (in June), I don’t know if I want to requery (this is now a word) Voyageurs at all (don’t know if it’s viable), can’t get re-written Apocalypse to the dev editor till June … when I send queries out, I get out of my funk because of this concept of possibility. I’m not really looking at any possibilities right now except for one big long shot.

 

  • I think I’m going to be rejected by TSA precheck. I don’t know why, unless it was those anti-war protests I participated in during the Gulf War or the guy I dated, equally long ago, whose father was a card-carrying member of the Communist Party. Or the fact that I’m a Quaker, or that I have a metal bar in my left leg that guarantees I’ll be patted down like a terrorist.  The website says “Eligibility Determined” but does not give me a code number. 

 

  • I’m pretty sure my last query out is going to be rejected. As I said, I shot big with that one.

 

  • I’m not feeling good about my writing lately. I hear this happens.

 

  • It’s just feeling like an unlucky day. My mood needs to be kicked in the butt, I’m sure, but not sure how to do that. The problem with feeling down is that feelings are so vivid that they take on the weight of truth.

In Praise of Dev Editing

I’m almost ready to send Apocalypse to dev edit again. 

Almost.

That’s not saying it’s flawless, just that I will get to the point that I can’t find any flaws myself. That’s why I need editors — because they’re new eyes on my work. Because they can see things I don’t. Because they’ve read enough that they know what the shape of a novel looks like. Because I want to be read.

I am about at the place where I need to send Prodigies out for queries again, but my dev editor wants to work with me first to find a new angle.

So I prep and I wait till June, when she’s ready to work with me on my books again.

I’ve learned so much about myself and my writing since I found a developmental editor. Here’s to improvement!


The Semester Winds Down

Tomorrow is the last regular day of the semester; then we will go into finals week here at the college. The semester is winding down; the rhythm of my life will change with summer session. I’ll still be busy with an online class and 25 interns and putting fall classes together, but I will have much more flexible time.

I’ll have more time for writing — well, maybe not, but I will be able to devote longer blocks to it, which is a good thing. The summer projects writing-wise are: 1) rewrite Apocalypse; 2) Send Whose Hearts are Mountains to dev edit (if #1 gets to a good place). No new books. Also keep pushing Prodigies and start pushing Voyageurs.

I don’t sound like someone who’s ready to quit, do I ? 

Springtime and Struggles

Prodigies just got rejected by a small press — the usual “I don’t think this is a good fit for us”. Remember this is one of about twenty-plus rejections of the seriously revised version of Prodigies.

I’m currently rewriting Apocalypse (which in and of itself used to be two books) to add back some of what I lost in the combining. It’s hard to do right now because of the rejection. It’s very discouraging, and my mind isn’t wrapping around it very well.

Prodigies is still out at DAW, and the highest likelihood (given other evidence) is that they will reject it. Being accepted by DAW after being rejected by a small press would be like getting a Nobel Prize for something that failed to get a ribbon at the county fair. Yet my mind still fantasizes about the next step with DAW as if the next step isn’t a rejection letter.

I’m not sure I like optimism. I feel like I’m just setting myself up for disappointment.

What’s next? I rewrite Apocalypse, which I think will take longer than originally writing its two pieces took. (Writing is easy; doing it right is harder). I talk to my dev editor about what we can do with Prodigies to attract a little more attention to it. I go to that writers’ conference in St. Louis in June.

 Or I give up. I’ve talked about that before, but I don’t know how to quit.

Querying progress: Not a lot to report

I haven’t reported my writing/query progress for a while, so here it is:

My Prodigies query got rejected by Tor/Forge and a lot of agents over the past few months.

My query is now out to three publishers — one big, the others small and independent.

One of the small presses asked for my whole manuscript, which is progress. We shall see.

The other two presses — it’s early days yet.

Please keep me in your thoughts and even prayers if you think this unabashedly liberal and universalist Quaker deserves them.

Something to show you

I wish I had something new to show you — a rough draft of a scene, a short story — but I have been exiting and polishing for so long that I haven’t written anything new …

Wait! I could show you an edited, polished scene! This is the beginning of Prodigies, the book I currently have out in queries:

       I peered out the window of the train as we sped toward the Krakow train station, and I understood why the Polish government chose Krakow as the site for the Prodigy Assembly. I noticed more history in the town than I saw in all of the United States. Old-looking churches with intricate, weathered facades nestled against modern buildings with brutally straight concrete lines barely softened by budding street trees. I felt the city as a breeze, but with a hint of sharp edges. Just like chamber music — light and delicate until the cellos muscled in.
I held onto the architecture as something real because nothing else about this trip seemed to be. How likely was it that a high schooler would be offered an all-expenses trip to Poland to showcase her (and others’) talents? If I thought about it hard, I would begin to doubt this adventure, so I turned myself back to sightseeing.
I worried on the train because of something my mentor Dr. DeWinter told me, that there were far fewer black people in Poland than in the US. The train bore this out — as the only black person in my car, I noted a few curious stares. The train eased into the station; the sullen teen who had ignored me the whole trip started to stir, murmuring something in Polish as he tried to glance around me at the window.
“Tov Krakóv Goovneh?” he muttered in my direction, glancing over his sunglasses. I could barely figure out what the boy meant, so I reassured him that we arrived at Krakow Głowny. He wrinkled his nose at my answer but headed toward the train exit after shouldering his battered army backpack and his skateboard. Just another skater boi, posing as a jaded man past his teens.
I grabbed my suitcase and viola and followed him out of the train. Outside the station, I stared at the taxi line hoping to find a cabbie with just enough English to tell me how to get to my destination. As I dithered, I felt a breeze slip by as the skater blew past me and murmured, “Good luck” in English. Shithead.
A cab stopped before me, with a dark-haired, pale man behind the wheel.
“Palac Pugetow,” I said as he jumped out and helped me load my luggage in the trunk.
The cabbie corrected me with an amused smile. “Palace Pugetov?”
“That’s the one,” I shrugged.
We climbed in the taxi.
“Do you know how to say ‘hello’ in Polski?” the cab driver asked.
“Isn’t that ‘dezien dobry?'” I ventured. That was how I’d pronounce ‘Dzien dobry’, anyhow.
“Close,” he chuckled as we climbed into the car. His pronounciation sounded closer to ‘jean dobry,’ but not quite.
A whirlwind taxi ride later, the driver dropped me off at the offices of Palac Pugetow.  I realized that it wasn’t so much a palace as a massive building of French Renaissance style like I’d learned about in history class. It stood tall and white with grey accents like a avant-garde wedding cake, surrounded by tall straight poplars marching in a row. I walked up the stairs into the main entrance, and spied a sign on one room labeled “Biuro Zarzadu”. I grabbed my cell phone and plugged the words into my translation app and came up with “Management Office”. Out of curiosity, I pressed the icon for the pronounciation in Polish, and it sounded like “byuro zarzandu” as pronounced by someone with marbles in his mouth. I knew I couldn’t pronounce it that way, marbles or no marbles. So much for that goal of learning Polish.
I walked into Biuro Zarzadu without knocking. My mistake — every person in the office stared at me from grey metal desks. I hoped they stared because I had done something gauche rather than the fact that I sported a brown complexion.
“Shim mocha sludgewich?” a middle-aged woman with incredibly pale skin and blonde hair smiled as she stepped up to the old wooden counter. I shook my head and glanced at the door.
“Oh, yes. American?” she asked, still smiling. “May I help you?”
“Oh, yes, thank you! My name is Grace Silverstein, and I’m looking for the prodigies  — “
Again, the four people in the office — three women and one man — stared at me again. “Prodigies?” the helpful woman asked.
“The Minister of Culture invited me here?” I breathed.
A beat, then another, and then “Oh, yes, I’m pretty sure you’ll find them at the Second World offices, down the hall, third door to the right.”
As I thanked them and walked out, I felt a prickle at the back of my neck.
Luckily, I found the Second World offices, behind an austere door on which a polished bronze sign read “Druga Swiatowy Renasans” with a masterful male hand holding up a globe. When I looked closely, I saw a star-shaped cufflink at the wrist. Shades of Soviet Realism, I thought, remembering a lecture on Russian history sprinkled with art. My translate app yielded a translation of “Second World Renaissance”, which meant I arrived at the right place. This time I knocked on the door —
A frazzled woman with curly black hair, dark eyes, and a black dress that flattered her white skin answered my knock. “Oh,” she gushed in accented English, “you must be Grace Silverstein, yes? I am Dominika Vojchik, and — Nastka, not right now, I’m busy talking to the young lady!” A dark-haired child of about nine who tugged on her mother’s arm ran into the other room, and Dominika led me there, to a small waiting room.
If these were the prodigies, there weren’t too many of them. As I glanced around an opulent sitting room, all dark antiques and dark red upholstery and Oriental rugs, I saw the aforementioned Nastka with her long, coal-black hair and a dress like Dominika’s; a worn-looking blonde woman with curly-headed twins who sat in their chairs wide-eyed; and an Asian woman sitting next to a black-haired young boy who tapped at a smartphone. I assumed she watched over her son..
Dominika stood in the middle of the room and raised her voice, speaking in English. “Hello, I am Dominika Vojchik, and I am the coordinator of the Prodigy Project, where we wish to develop friendship between our countries through cultural exchanges. We have a — uh, small program right now, as you can see, but we thought that we would expand it if our initial forays succeeded.” She punctuated her speech with sharp hand gestures; the blonde woman whispered to her children, presumably to translate.
I waited for introductions —
“So, I would like to show you around the place, which has an amazing amount of history … “
We stood and stretched and followed Dominika out of the room. I looked at the mother of the two blonde children. Her eyes darted around at the sitting room, the rest of us, and particularly at Dominika.
“The Puget family originally came from France, hence the name Puget — ” which Dominika pronounced in the French manner as she walked us down interminable halls with carpets, dark wainscoting against pale cream walls, and doors, many doors. “In the 1800’s, Benedict Joseph de Puget became a member of the Polish nobility and the family settled down in Poland to do business. The Palace was designed by Joseph Kwiatowski for Baron Konstanty de Puget and built in 1874-5 in the Parisian Neo-Renaissance style.” I suspected that Dominika read off the plaque next to her to get the history, but I couldn’t read the Polish on the plaque.
The Asian boy jostled up next to me and whispered, “The current name of this place is the ‘Donimirksi Palace Pugetov Business Center’. Less impressive.” Just as quickly, he slipped away to stand by his — mother? Chaperone?
“I will now show you to your rooms –You will stay in private suites in this building on the next floor. We assigned each of you and your families a suite; your luggage has been placed there. I will pick you up at 1700 to discuss the assembly tomorrow night.”
Thankfully, I located the elevators.
I sat on the bed in my airy white-on-white rooms, staring through the bedroom door to a sitting room that looked just like the photo on the brochure I had received.
At least the room fulfilled my expectations. Not so the shaky appearance of this assembly I had been invited to.

Nobody had met me at the airport. I myself figured out, with help from a conductor, which train I needed to take. The black-haired woman with the staccato hand gestures appeared to be our lone host. And we hadn’t been allowed to introduce ourselves. I had never seen such a disorganized event in my life, and I hoped that our orientation fared better.
Then I heard a knock on the door. I freaked out — I don’t know why, just the strangeness of the situation. I decided to ignore the messenger until they gave their name and purpose — and then they did exactly that: “Please, I’d like to talk with you. It’s Luitgard Krause.”
I opened the door to the blonde woman and her two cherubic tots. I let them in to the sitting room, where the mother — Luitgard — sat in the overstuffed chair and her children, who were no more than seven, sat on the floor next to her. “This is Erwin, my son, and Mitzi, my daughter.” Erwin eyed me up and down sternly, then relaxed. Mitzi nodded at her mother, and walked up to me. “What’s your name? You have pretty hair.”
 “Why thank you, Mitzi. My name is Grace Silverstein.”
“Are you one of them?” asked Erwin from his perch in the chair
; Luitgard bent over to shush him.
“One of whom?” I asked him just as I heard another knock on the door. Erwin shook his head, suddenly pale.
“May I come in?” I recognized Dominika’s voice and accent. Then she let herself in to my locked room.
My spine prickled and I felt lightheaded. Dominika had access to my room? Why? I spied a chair I could move in front of the door at night.
I couldn’t shake the feeling of wrongness.

Finals Week

I haven’t been doing any editing lately (apologies to my dev editor) because I’m in the middle of finals week. For those of you who have never been college students, this week is a twice-a-year ritual in which professors torture students by making them demonstrate that they actually know the course material. For those of you who have been college students, this week is a twice-a-year ritual in which professors torture students by — you get the drift.

From a professor’s point of view, it’s a strange week where office hours are empty and professors prowl around the halls to tell stories of the worst requests they’ve gotten from students. Best one yet: the student who demanded an A because his “answers were right”. (Spoiler: No, they weren’t.) It’s a hurry up and wait time, where one waits to give exams and then frantically grades them so that semester grades can be turned in by the following Monday.

It’s a time when the outside world is calling — in December, the delights of Christmas; in May the beautiful weather. But to the professor or instructor, they are at best fleeting until the grades go in.

*****

I am giving my first final today — actually, they are turning it in because it’s an essay final. I will spend the next couple days grading it. I am wearing my ugly Christmas sweater (the reinkitty one — think of Santa’s sleigh with cats) because I need a little Christmas during finals’ week.

I anticipate having grades done by Thursday to turn in, and then I’m done for the semester. I’ll restart editing Voyageurs then, in the hopes that it will be a worthy submission. I will wait for query responses on Prodigies, hoping for a Christmas present.

May your days be merry and bright.

I’ve just sent about 20 queries of Prodigies (with the improved query letter and in in its publishing edited/developmental edited/diversity edits) to young adult/new adult agents, and I have the jitters.

The optimistic part of me thinks I’ve done hard work improving.

The pessimistic part of me is afraid it’s not going to be enough.

The pessimistic part of me is afraid there’s something fundamentally wrong with my stories and will keep thinking so unless I get picked up by an agent. Then the pessimistic part of me will be afraid there’s something fundamentally wrong with my stories until I have a publisher. Then …

The pessimistic part of me is a pain in the ass.

********
What is the path now?

  • Send Prodigies queries to Young Adult/New Adult agents (done)
  • Wait for a couple months. 
    • Some of the agents will send generic rejection letters
    • Some notify acceptances/rejections via QueryTracker (highly recommended for agent searches: www,querytracker.com)
    • Some don’t send anything, so if I haven’t heard from them in 90 days, then they’ve rejected it
    • If I receive a request for more of the manuscript, weep tears of joy and send it. This still doesn’t mean I’ve been accepted.
  • Wait a bit longer and resend the new improved Prodigies to the fantasy agents who got version 2.0.
  • Wait for a couple of months …
Of course, I have a new improved cover letter for Voyageurs and it’s finally going through a developmental edit. Which means I will go through the process again for Voyageurs (see above).
Readers: I need your love, good wishes and prayers. I don’t ask for things like this a lot, so here I am. If you can make them non-anonymous, all the better!!
Meanwhile, 

My cultural sensitivity lesson

Because Prodigies’ main character is multiracial and I am from dominant white culture, I decided to get a diversity edit done. I asked the director of our diversity, equity, and inclusion office on campus to give me a read.

Justin Mallett is doing an excellent job with the diversity edit on Prodigies . So far (and he’s not done yet), he’s pointed out a lot of mistakes. A lot. As a progressive/social democrat who believes myself to be “woke”, I expected to find a couple mistakes, easily fixable. 
I have some choices of how to react:
  1. Decide Mr. Mallett is being overly sensitive
  2. Deny, repeating to myself, “I can’t be a bigot. I have Native American ancestry!”
  3. Berate myself for not being more culturally sensitive
  4. Accept the gift of awareness I’ve been given and make the corrections
I’m going to choose #4. We’re allowed to make mistakes when interacting with other cultures, just as we accidentally offend people we know. But if we learn that an action offends someone and dismiss their concerns, we are saying that they do not matter. If we decide they have a problem because they don’t see things our way, we have become a bigot. If we believe the entire group they represent has an oversensitivity problem, we show prejudice. 
Bigotry and prejudice don’t require hanging nooses or segregation. All they require is to see others, their culture, and their needs as inferior, and that starts with the unwillingness to listen. It starts with words.
I will be glad to correct the less culturally sensitive parts of my work.