Something to show you

I wish I had something new to show you — a rough draft of a scene, a short story — but I have been exiting and polishing for so long that I haven’t written anything new …

Wait! I could show you an edited, polished scene! This is the beginning of Prodigies, the book I currently have out in queries:

       I peered out the window of the train as we sped toward the Krakow train station, and I understood why the Polish government chose Krakow as the site for the Prodigy Assembly. I noticed more history in the town than I saw in all of the United States. Old-looking churches with intricate, weathered facades nestled against modern buildings with brutally straight concrete lines barely softened by budding street trees. I felt the city as a breeze, but with a hint of sharp edges. Just like chamber music — light and delicate until the cellos muscled in.
I held onto the architecture as something real because nothing else about this trip seemed to be. How likely was it that a high schooler would be offered an all-expenses trip to Poland to showcase her (and others’) talents? If I thought about it hard, I would begin to doubt this adventure, so I turned myself back to sightseeing.
I worried on the train because of something my mentor Dr. DeWinter told me, that there were far fewer black people in Poland than in the US. The train bore this out — as the only black person in my car, I noted a few curious stares. The train eased into the station; the sullen teen who had ignored me the whole trip started to stir, murmuring something in Polish as he tried to glance around me at the window.
“Tov Krakóv Goovneh?” he muttered in my direction, glancing over his sunglasses. I could barely figure out what the boy meant, so I reassured him that we arrived at Krakow Głowny. He wrinkled his nose at my answer but headed toward the train exit after shouldering his battered army backpack and his skateboard. Just another skater boi, posing as a jaded man past his teens.
I grabbed my suitcase and viola and followed him out of the train. Outside the station, I stared at the taxi line hoping to find a cabbie with just enough English to tell me how to get to my destination. As I dithered, I felt a breeze slip by as the skater blew past me and murmured, “Good luck” in English. Shithead.
A cab stopped before me, with a dark-haired, pale man behind the wheel.
“Palac Pugetow,” I said as he jumped out and helped me load my luggage in the trunk.
The cabbie corrected me with an amused smile. “Palace Pugetov?”
“That’s the one,” I shrugged.
We climbed in the taxi.
“Do you know how to say ‘hello’ in Polski?” the cab driver asked.
“Isn’t that ‘dezien dobry?'” I ventured. That was how I’d pronounce ‘Dzien dobry’, anyhow.
“Close,” he chuckled as we climbed into the car. His pronounciation sounded closer to ‘jean dobry,’ but not quite.
A whirlwind taxi ride later, the driver dropped me off at the offices of Palac Pugetow.  I realized that it wasn’t so much a palace as a massive building of French Renaissance style like I’d learned about in history class. It stood tall and white with grey accents like a avant-garde wedding cake, surrounded by tall straight poplars marching in a row. I walked up the stairs into the main entrance, and spied a sign on one room labeled “Biuro Zarzadu”. I grabbed my cell phone and plugged the words into my translation app and came up with “Management Office”. Out of curiosity, I pressed the icon for the pronounciation in Polish, and it sounded like “byuro zarzandu” as pronounced by someone with marbles in his mouth. I knew I couldn’t pronounce it that way, marbles or no marbles. So much for that goal of learning Polish.
I walked into Biuro Zarzadu without knocking. My mistake — every person in the office stared at me from grey metal desks. I hoped they stared because I had done something gauche rather than the fact that I sported a brown complexion.
“Shim mocha sludgewich?” a middle-aged woman with incredibly pale skin and blonde hair smiled as she stepped up to the old wooden counter. I shook my head and glanced at the door.
“Oh, yes. American?” she asked, still smiling. “May I help you?”
“Oh, yes, thank you! My name is Grace Silverstein, and I’m looking for the prodigies  — “
Again, the four people in the office — three women and one man — stared at me again. “Prodigies?” the helpful woman asked.
“The Minister of Culture invited me here?” I breathed.
A beat, then another, and then “Oh, yes, I’m pretty sure you’ll find them at the Second World offices, down the hall, third door to the right.”
As I thanked them and walked out, I felt a prickle at the back of my neck.
Luckily, I found the Second World offices, behind an austere door on which a polished bronze sign read “Druga Swiatowy Renasans” with a masterful male hand holding up a globe. When I looked closely, I saw a star-shaped cufflink at the wrist. Shades of Soviet Realism, I thought, remembering a lecture on Russian history sprinkled with art. My translate app yielded a translation of “Second World Renaissance”, which meant I arrived at the right place. This time I knocked on the door —
A frazzled woman with curly black hair, dark eyes, and a black dress that flattered her white skin answered my knock. “Oh,” she gushed in accented English, “you must be Grace Silverstein, yes? I am Dominika Vojchik, and — Nastka, not right now, I’m busy talking to the young lady!” A dark-haired child of about nine who tugged on her mother’s arm ran into the other room, and Dominika led me there, to a small waiting room.
If these were the prodigies, there weren’t too many of them. As I glanced around an opulent sitting room, all dark antiques and dark red upholstery and Oriental rugs, I saw the aforementioned Nastka with her long, coal-black hair and a dress like Dominika’s; a worn-looking blonde woman with curly-headed twins who sat in their chairs wide-eyed; and an Asian woman sitting next to a black-haired young boy who tapped at a smartphone. I assumed she watched over her son..
Dominika stood in the middle of the room and raised her voice, speaking in English. “Hello, I am Dominika Vojchik, and I am the coordinator of the Prodigy Project, where we wish to develop friendship between our countries through cultural exchanges. We have a — uh, small program right now, as you can see, but we thought that we would expand it if our initial forays succeeded.” She punctuated her speech with sharp hand gestures; the blonde woman whispered to her children, presumably to translate.
I waited for introductions —
“So, I would like to show you around the place, which has an amazing amount of history … “
We stood and stretched and followed Dominika out of the room. I looked at the mother of the two blonde children. Her eyes darted around at the sitting room, the rest of us, and particularly at Dominika.
“The Puget family originally came from France, hence the name Puget — ” which Dominika pronounced in the French manner as she walked us down interminable halls with carpets, dark wainscoting against pale cream walls, and doors, many doors. “In the 1800’s, Benedict Joseph de Puget became a member of the Polish nobility and the family settled down in Poland to do business. The Palace was designed by Joseph Kwiatowski for Baron Konstanty de Puget and built in 1874-5 in the Parisian Neo-Renaissance style.” I suspected that Dominika read off the plaque next to her to get the history, but I couldn’t read the Polish on the plaque.
The Asian boy jostled up next to me and whispered, “The current name of this place is the ‘Donimirksi Palace Pugetov Business Center’. Less impressive.” Just as quickly, he slipped away to stand by his — mother? Chaperone?
“I will now show you to your rooms –You will stay in private suites in this building on the next floor. We assigned each of you and your families a suite; your luggage has been placed there. I will pick you up at 1700 to discuss the assembly tomorrow night.”
Thankfully, I located the elevators.
I sat on the bed in my airy white-on-white rooms, staring through the bedroom door to a sitting room that looked just like the photo on the brochure I had received.
At least the room fulfilled my expectations. Not so the shaky appearance of this assembly I had been invited to.

Nobody had met me at the airport. I myself figured out, with help from a conductor, which train I needed to take. The black-haired woman with the staccato hand gestures appeared to be our lone host. And we hadn’t been allowed to introduce ourselves. I had never seen such a disorganized event in my life, and I hoped that our orientation fared better.
Then I heard a knock on the door. I freaked out — I don’t know why, just the strangeness of the situation. I decided to ignore the messenger until they gave their name and purpose — and then they did exactly that: “Please, I’d like to talk with you. It’s Luitgard Krause.”
I opened the door to the blonde woman and her two cherubic tots. I let them in to the sitting room, where the mother — Luitgard — sat in the overstuffed chair and her children, who were no more than seven, sat on the floor next to her. “This is Erwin, my son, and Mitzi, my daughter.” Erwin eyed me up and down sternly, then relaxed. Mitzi nodded at her mother, and walked up to me. “What’s your name? You have pretty hair.”
 “Why thank you, Mitzi. My name is Grace Silverstein.”
“Are you one of them?” asked Erwin from his perch in the chair
; Luitgard bent over to shush him.
“One of whom?” I asked him just as I heard another knock on the door. Erwin shook his head, suddenly pale.
“May I come in?” I recognized Dominika’s voice and accent. Then she let herself in to my locked room.
My spine prickled and I felt lightheaded. Dominika had access to my room? Why? I spied a chair I could move in front of the door at night.
I couldn’t shake the feeling of wrongness.

Courting Change

I don’t know what I want to write today. I’ve changed this topic three times since I’ve started. The first three topics were dirgelike, full of confessing my hubris.

That’s not where I want to be today. I’m sitting on the couch, a purring Girly-Girl beside me, drinking some truly magical coffee. Beginning-of-semester meetings start Wednesday; I have to start transitioning out of my vacation.

Things change, and there is always hope.

***********

My life hasn’t changed much lately. I embrace change; I’m at my best when I’m evolving. My frustration lately has been that I’ve been changing my manuscripts but still seeing the same results in query rejections. But tomorrow, or even today, could be different, and I may swim in change again.

I got a little nervous writing this, because changes can be bad as well. I’m aware of that, but I’m writing about GOOD change here.

The Plan

I have a plan for how I’m going to handle the whole querying thing. Bear with me:

  1. I will continue dev editing and re-editing my existent books one at a time because that’s just good practice wherever I’m published.
  2. I will wait for six months for this querying cycle on Prodigies to complete, researching self-publishing and self-marketing as I go.
  3. If at the end of those six months I don’t have any takers, I will self-publish Prodigies. You will hear a lot about this and hopefully you will read it. 🙂
  4. I will query other books as they get edited — Voyageurs will probably be the second book in the pipeline, followed by Apocalypse. And so on.

This plan doesn’t include writing. I have not written since I finished Whose Hearts are Mountains, which I am sure needs serious dev editing as do the others.  That’s only been a month and a half. I haven’t been inspired to write lately, but there are various directions I could go — a sequel to Prodigies, a sequel to Voyageurs, another book in the Archetype series, a faerie adventure/romance novel … I have enough books that need to go through the dev cycle, though, that I wouldn’t have to write for a while. But I don’t want to get rusty.

I am hoping, of course, that this hard work pays off. I don’t know why I’m getting rejections from agents except for the usual “…I’m very selective … I don’t know if I can represent this novel with the enthusiasm it deserves.” (Question: If it deserves enthusiasm, why aren’t you — oh, never mind.) But at least I have a plan so that I’m not at the mercy of judgments about “what sells”. I just know that I write for a reason, and I want to see what that reason is.

A hilariously bad day

Yesterday was a hilariously bad day for a writer.

First, I received not one but three rejections. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about that, since I’ve done everything I could with that manuscript and query letter. It might just be that agents think my stories just won’t sell. I don’t know what to do, but I have to start thinking of the next step.

Then my blog got five hits from Poland, and I thought that my favorite Pole decided to read my blog for once (I am not his favorite American, alas) only to find out the referring address was a porn site.

So, yesterday’s theme: If I wanted recognition, it was not forthcoming.

I’m not going to apologize for wanting recognition anymore.  But the desire makes for difficult days when I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

I’ve just sent about 20 queries of Prodigies (with the improved query letter and in in its publishing edited/developmental edited/diversity edits) to young adult/new adult agents, and I have the jitters.

The optimistic part of me thinks I’ve done hard work improving.

The pessimistic part of me is afraid it’s not going to be enough.

The pessimistic part of me is afraid there’s something fundamentally wrong with my stories and will keep thinking so unless I get picked up by an agent. Then the pessimistic part of me will be afraid there’s something fundamentally wrong with my stories until I have a publisher. Then …

The pessimistic part of me is a pain in the ass.

********
What is the path now?

  • Send Prodigies queries to Young Adult/New Adult agents (done)
  • Wait for a couple months. 
    • Some of the agents will send generic rejection letters
    • Some notify acceptances/rejections via QueryTracker (highly recommended for agent searches: www,querytracker.com)
    • Some don’t send anything, so if I haven’t heard from them in 90 days, then they’ve rejected it
    • If I receive a request for more of the manuscript, weep tears of joy and send it. This still doesn’t mean I’ve been accepted.
  • Wait a bit longer and resend the new improved Prodigies to the fantasy agents who got version 2.0.
  • Wait for a couple of months …
Of course, I have a new improved cover letter for Voyageurs and it’s finally going through a developmental edit. Which means I will go through the process again for Voyageurs (see above).
Readers: I need your love, good wishes and prayers. I don’t ask for things like this a lot, so here I am. If you can make them non-anonymous, all the better!!
Meanwhile, 

Thirty-six queries and a handful of change

I sent 36 queries out last night for Prodigies. It was time.

I am, as always, hoping some agent takes a nibble or a bite on my query. (Remember that I have one nibble on Voyageurs from a romance publisher and no other pending excitement.)

I have hope. Hope is not the belief that my desired outcome will happen, it is a belief that something advantageous will happen, maybe something I couldn’t even predict.

I was about to say one can’t have hope without taking a risk, but that’s not true. People who don’t like change can hope things stay the same, as those who try to make change can hope that they can make a change. But the person who hopes things stay the same has no influence on the change, while those who try to make change has an influence. Not complete influence, but still.

In addition, the person who tries to make change might find a result even better than they had expected, and being someone comfortable with change, they can take advantage of what they’ve been given.

Slamming the door on my head again?

Oh, Gods — I’m thinking of submitting queries again after this latest edit.

I can think of all sorts of reasons not to — all of them in terms of rejections I have already gotten. I keep fixing it, and I keep getting rejections.

On the other hand, if I don’t send queries, nobody will get to see whether it’s publishable or not.

I’m still not ready to self-publish, mostly because self-publishing in the academic world means that you haven’t been peer reviewed and, thus, your work is not legitimate.

I am so torn …

Perseverance

I’m re-editing Mythos (how many times has this been now?) on the advice of my current beta-reader (beta-reader #2 has gotten very busy and hasn’t gotten back to it). Most of what we’ve found are little mistakes I should have caught myself, contradictions (oops!) and awkward and vague sentences. I’m halfway through the book correcting these.

I’ve also rewritten a couple scenes to be more suspenseful, but as always, the big question comes:

Will agents like it as much as I like it?
Yes, I’m about to go through the rejection cycle again.

I know we’ve been through this before. I get excited, I send queries, and I get rejections. Why do I keep trying?

I guess I have perseverance. It might be one of my best qualities — not giving up. It may be one of my worst, as shown by the time I let a Siamese cat scratch me 28 times until I finally petted it.

So I’m probably going to resubmit Mythos soon, as well as the freshly renovated Voyageurs. Both have been rejected. I don’t know if I’ll have luck this time, either.

Richard has instructed me not to submit any queries until I’m over this dysthymic (low-level depressive) episode. I’m working on it.

Ready to try again

This morning, I woke up wondering why I write.

It’s been six months since I’ve sent out my query materials to agents. It’s been six months since I received a rash of rejections from said agents. I have learned some about how to improve my writing since then. I haven’t, however, gotten over the dejection I feel when I get rejections, dejection I’ve written about in these pages and that you’ve read.

If I send queries again, I will invariably get rejected.
If I do not send queries, I’ll never get published.

I’m going to have a busy Christmas Break, between tweaking my classes for Spring (I have a day job as a professor in Behavioral Sciences), writing on my book that suddenly became two books, and editing something well to offer up to the agents. I wish I could afford to pay a real editor, but we can’t right now, so I have to limp along and hope my own skills are up to it. I worry that this puts me at a disadvantage.

I’m apprehensive. But I need to have an external reason to write, because writing takes up a lot of my time, and I would like it to pay off in some way — earning money from writing is good, but being heard and being read is a bigger payoff.  I don’t want to think writing is just a time-consuming hobby that I do all for myself while clutter still inundates my office. I want to think the world needs my novels, and that an agent would recognize this.

One size does not fit all

Here I am, at St. Louis Bread Company in Collinsville, IL,  just on the Illinois side of St. Louis, about to spend my second day at Archon. My takes on the convention:

1) Few places are as much fun for people-watching as science fiction conventions, with a myriad of people in quirky and somewhat mismatched costumes, women who can talk at length about how medievalist Europe is the basis of many science fiction novels, and many indie authors. (“Indie” = “self-published”, and I don’t have the time to go that route.)

2) The writer’s panels vary in quality, but that may be my observation as a college professor who has gone to many professional conferences. Good example: the highly informative and entertaining panel on writing happy (or at least satisfying) endings. Bad examples: the presentation where everyone gave examples and counter-examples of religion in science fiction and came to no actual points. I would have loved this as a small discussion over coffee. Or homemade hooch.

3) It is NOT a good place to meet publishing representatives and hand them instant queries. At least not if you go about these things the way I do. The friend who told me about it makes it work for him. For someone just breaking into the system, who’s Midwestern polite, and who can’t tell the publishers from the non-publishers, it’s not going to work.

Meeting writers at parties, I believe, is how he makes it work, but this is not a good path for me for several reasons: 1) I can’t drink because of medication; 2) I have just enough of a hearing problem that I need someone to yell in my ear, making negotiations difficult; 3) I really am an introvert, although my students would never believe it; and 4) the party setting is problematic for women for a couple reasons, which I will detail next.

Why are party negotiations (aka schmoozing) so difficult for women? First, because men tend to dominate women in conversations through interruptions and changing subjects (both documented by Deborah Tannen and others), making it hard for them to actually talk about their novel. Women end up feeling frustrated and ignored, and may give up too soon.

Second, women avoid alcohol-fueled events alone, because of the volatile mix of alcohol and expressions of sexuality — i.e. unwanted advances, non-consensual sexual encounters, and subsequent accusations that they slept their way to success (see Anita Sarkeesian and GamerGate.)

In other words, I will not be able to make my friend’s method work.

The good news is that there are other venues. One is the one I keep trying for authors and publishers, mailing queries. Just as I work on improving my writing, I work on improving my queries. In fact, I’m attending a session on writing better queries this morning.

Second, I found out there’s a conference in St. Louis every year in June called Gateway to Publishing, which gets you in touch with agents and publishers both by phone and in person. One-on-one, the way I work best.

Thank you, friend, for introducing me to Archon. I would never have found my way otherwise.