Tag: ups and downs

Happy Third Blogiversary!



This blog has seen many milestones in the past several weeks. The 1000th post, the 40,000th view, and now the third blogiversary.

I have been writing this blog for three years, almost daily. Some days I write short passages, some long, some funny, some dead serious. I have written about transcendence and depression, of pandemic and boredom, of my ups and downs of writing. But I have written daily.

I am not the most disciplined person, so the fact that I’ve been able to write almost daily for three years is a revelation to me. A commitment I didn’t think I would be able to make.

I hope to write more in the future, at least till my fourth blogiversary, and maybe beyond…

The Hedonic set point

So, yesterday’s introspection left me at an interesting place. I’m considering a concept I teach in positive psychology called the hedonic set point. The concept is backed by research, so it’s not new age hoo-ha.

The theory goes like this: whenever something good happens to us, we feel great for a while, but then we get used to that feeling and it fades until we’re back at our set point. When something bad happens to us, we feel bad for a while, but then we start feeling less bad and then it fades until we get back to our set point. 

So, if I get rejected, and I don’t beat myself up over it, I will feel better eventually. If I beat myself up over it, I generate bad feelings and will feel bad for longer. But I will find myself once again at the set point.

Conversely, if I get accepted (for my manuscript or by an agent), I will feel great for a while, and may try to make the feeling last longer by celebrating and telling all my friends, but I will eventually fall back to the set point. 

In other words, it’s folly to look at happy-making moments in order to become happy. In a lifespan, major achievements don’t reset our hedonic set point.

What does reset our set point higher?
  • Practicing gratitude
  • Significant relationships (friendship, family, intimate)
  • Building self esteem = success/hopes and expectations
  • Giving back to community
  • Regular meditation
So, given that, there is one thing about getting published that could permanently put my set point higher and that is building self-esteem. I get that. 

Building self-esteem can be done in two ways: More success and modest hopes and expectations.*  I’m working on it.


* My fantasy of getting published is pretty modest. In it, I have to find an entertainment lawyer, look over a contract, argue the contract, go through all those intermediate steps that might take a year or four, have a modestly attended book party, travel a few places on my money, and make less than $40k. None of my friends will be particularly excited. My university will not count it as academic achievement. I’m okay with this.