ENDEX (as they say at the end of a preparedness training exercise)

Another New York Hope in the books; I think the numbers go like this:

Three moulage artists

Ninety distinct moulage applications

Scenarios: Urban search and rescue, rural search and rescue, wilderness search and rescue, cityscape active shooter, swiftwater rescue

Injuries ranging from pneumothorax to head injuries minor and deadly, to impalements, open fractures, burns, intestinal evisceration, scrapes and bruises, and throw in a couple heart attacks and mentally disturbed roles.

Staff members — a surprising number I haven’t counted, but categories are coordinating staff, logistics, lane CEs (who run the scenarios), team CEs (who manage the student teams), safety staff, transportation and moulage.
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I slept for 12 hours last night. I’m hoping to get some brain cells free to write today as I wait for the train back home — and on the train back home, as I’ll have a lot of free time.

Right back to first day of classes.

Let me know, though, if you want to see more moulage pics.

Hurtling Headlong into the Heartland

I slept relatively well; I slept in late in my top bunk. I love sleeping in trains; the rocking of the train is soothing even when it sends me careening into the safety webbing. Waking up is a delicate process; using the toilet requires the other person steps out for a moment and pulling the beds back up requires some acrobatics.

As the train pulls out of Erie, Pennsylvania, I try to capture what I see, but things flash past me too quickly to capture it all. Warehouses tagged with spray paint, often artistically. Ailanthus, which can grow anywhere, lining the tracks. Old retired engines in a train graveyard. And then the country, where grapevines grow in endless rows and evening primrose lines the tracks.

The trip goes as fast as it needs to; we have another three and a half hours before we get to our destination. The rocking of the train lulls me into a trance. No worries; sometimes I just have to do nothing.

Bonus: Can anyone identify what song the title of this post comes from?

Time to Go

I’m heading out today for my moulage stint at New York Hope, housed at the New York State Preparedness Training Center, otherwise known as Disaster Disneyland. This is a wonderful opportunity to take a working vacation, as my husband and I take the train (California Zephyr; Lake Shore Limited) and get a sleeper car.

I will try to post on the trip, at least a little. Maybe some photographs. You’ve been on this trip with me before.

Writing vs being a writer

I ran into a quote from Alex Haley, author of Roots, that I wish I could find again. It pointed out that it was better to love writing than to love being a writer, because when you love being a writer, you’re in love with the trappings of fame and money.

And that’s what happened to me — I fell in love with chasing publication, with chasing a vision of fame. And, not finding it, I wanted to let my writing go.

I’m finally starting to get back into writing again. Just in time to go on a trip where I’m not going to get much done.

I’m still working on a short story, Hands, about one of my characters in Prodigies. It’s a background story, one of those “what influenced this character” ideas, but it also reflects some of today’s issues with white nationalism. I have the bare bones all written (ok, mostly written) and put together into a Word file, and I now have to smooth and develop and finesse it. A lot like sitting over a finished first draft of a novel, but shorter. I’ve already written another from Prodigies, although it’s more of a character sketch, called Tanabata.

Short stories aren’t as “sexy” as novels. They don’t become national best-sellers, and they don’t make money. But they get my name out there, and they can give little drops of affirmation.

I’m also packing up for a road trip — by train. It’s my annual moulage gig for New York Hope. I think I’ve mentioned this before. But train travel is fun for writing — either in the observation lounge where the scenery passes by, or in the sleeper car.

Moleskine+ vs Rocketbook — let’s see

I’ve been writing at best sporadically the past few days, experimenting with something that I really haven’t done much of, and that’s composing in a notebook.

I generally compose on the computer because my advisor for my dissertation program strongly encouraged this. I like composing on the computer because of my anal-retentive tendencies which get riled up by editing on paper. I hate scribbles. I hate white-out. I hate crossing things out neatly. And forget about pencils, because they smear. I want a pristine page with pretty handwriting, and I will tear out a page and rewrite if that’s what it takes. I waste a lot of time and a lot of paper.

Hence, my consumer experiment. I have a Moleskine+ pen I bought with a settlement from Barnes and Noble a few years ago. The original pen didn’t function well, so I just got a replacement that does work. This pen, plus a proprietary marked notebook from Moleskine, allows one to write while the camera in the pen records keystrokes, and these pages can be digitized through OCR and sent to Dropbox (or other places) to be repaired as needed — the OCR is not perfect, but it handles my idiosyncratic writing well.

So let me lay out the advantages and disadvantages of this:

Advantages:

The pen writes smooth as butter
The notebook is pretty
Will digitize several pages at a time.
Decent handwriting recognition
Relatively robust iPhone app

Disadvantages:

The pen requires charging
The notebooks cost $27 apiece; there are no cheaper options
Scribbles — even more disconcerting because they’re in a pretty notebook

I’m trying an alternative which is known as a Rocketbook, which set me back about $30. The notebook is also proprietary; but it is made of material that can be reused by either wiping or putting in the microwave (I’ve heard both). You write using an ordinary Flexion pen (An erasable/washable pen made by Pilot in many colors); other pens will become permanent. The magic is in the iPhone/Android app which does screen capture and digitizing.

The advantages and disadvantages (ahead of my trial) look like this:

Advantages (perceived):

Reusable, and therefore less expensive
Better designed for use as a tool and not a permanent record
Can use with more than one pen as long as it’s Flexion
Could make mistakes and erase using liquid

Disadvantages (perceived):

Flexion pens don’t write as solidly as other pens
Flexion pens can feel scratchy (at least on paper)
Scanning must be done one page at a time.

So I will be comparing both methods to see which works the best for my drafting on paper, and furthermore, to see if there’s advantages to drafting on paper such as enhanced creativity or the ability to jot random notes down.

Live as if you’re already published

In a trance last night, my mind told me to live as if I’ve already been published.

That’s an interesting concept. My rational self wonders what it really means, though.

There are ways in which I can’t live as if I’ve already been published. For example, I can’t show off my writing to my friends. I can’t plan a book publishing party or a book tour. I can’t try to sell the nonexistent book at writers’ or readers’ conferences.

So what does living as if I’ve already been published mean? I can take the pressure off myself; I don’t have to prove anything. I don’t have to believe myself inferior to those authors who have published books. Technically, I am an author, having published a few professional articles in my field, one opinion piece in the local newspaper, several personal essays for progressive religion publications, one short story and one flash fiction. So I can call myself an author even if I haven’t published a book.

I don’t have to prove anything. I’m already published. I’ll keep trying to publish a book, but I don’t have to anymore. I’ve accomplished my original goal.

I need to remind myself

I didn’t write yesterday, because I was busy with getting set up for the beginning of the school year. The hard part’s done — all online class presence is sorted out and in order with due dates accurate, the syllabus pristine, and all that.

I’m also in the middle of a miserable summer cold that’s been hanging on, so I’m a bit dopey.

I confess that I haven’t written in a while. A week at least, what with the classes and the queries and the cold and the like … I haven’t written more than a half hour to finish a story. I will try to write today, because writing. Even if I only write a couple paragraphs, I need to write.

I need to remind myself that I’m a writer.

Extended Metaphor

When I write the first draft of a story, I feel like I’m in the middle of a budding romance. I fall in love with the characters and I want to see what happens to them. The revelation of the story surprises and delights me.

And then there’s editing. I re-read and find all my characters’ flaws showing in the unfiltered morning light. I find holes in their stories, having heard them so many times.

But like any good relationship, my job is to look into the flaws and the errors and the mess and find the truth, the uniqueness of their story. But to do this well, I have to remember that theirs is the same story I fell in love with.

Wish me good happy things

Well, I got a rejection in a short story contest, but it’s not bothering me too much. I didn’t even get honorable mention. I think they were looking for literary fiction, which is high concept fiction that doesn’t touch genres. I write genre fiction, specifically science fiction/fantasy. I may need to be a little more specific as to who I send to.

I’m pushing myself to go drink coffee and write at the Game Cafe. I don’t think I’ve been there in two weeks, and that might be part of the reason why I’ve been having trouble motivating. When I’m feeling down, the closer I am to my bed, the harder it is to motivate.

My choices on projects are either: 1) keep revising on Gaia’s Hands or 2) keep writing on Hands (No, not at all confusing), the origin story for Grzegorz Koslowski (apologies to Polish readers; I can’t get that little mark through the l to work). I might feel motivated enough to go through Gaia’s Hands today.

Wish me luck and motivations and good happy things. I still have a couple submissions out there and one query to an agent.

Slump

Oh, I really need to get out of this slump!

It’s like I’ve forgotten I’m a writer, and all I want to do is nap all day. That sounds like depression to me, but I don’t feel depressed. Just tired, and relaxed, and totally meh.

This, I remind myself, is not who I want to be. I want to be a writer. I want to get a novel published, and maybe some short stories. I have two short stories and a novel (still Prodigies at DAW) out there, and a third short-short that should be announced any day now (I doubt I’ve won that one, but maybe I’m a runner-up?)

I’m wondering if winning the short essay contest at A3 has satisfied my desire to get published. I’m wondering where my drive to go further has gone. I’m wondering if I need a change of scenery, but the cafe is closed today.

I’ll push myself to write today, but maybe a bit later.