The experiences that helped me grow the most in my life were my relationship mistakes. When I was younger I had what is called in the literature an anxious attachment style. It comes from a childhood with an overwhelmed mother who used threats of abandonment as discipline. So I developed anxious-attached relationships with my boyfriends.
In common language, I was anxious and clingy. I chose people with avoidant attachment styles, which means they did not necessarily want to be in relationships. The males were ambivalent, distant, or otherwise not committed. This made me more anxious and clingy, which made them more noncommittal and distant, and … it was a total mess.
It took me a long while to break this cycle. One of the best things I did was spend many years outside of a relationship, to the point where I didn’t need a relationship anymore. And when I no longer needed one, I took the risk that found me the right one.
Words Like Me 