Eating to Maintain

What are your best healthy eating habits?
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I have lost about 90 pounds. The number on the scale goes up and down a bit, but I am maintaining a weight that’s lower than it’s been for years (thirty or more). I do it using as balanced a diet as I can manage. I do not eat too much fat or carbs, nor do I live a high-protein diet. Everything in moderation.

I still count calories. I have proven to myself that I can’t eat in moderation without a crutch, even on a GLP-1. I will eat this way for the rest of my life or until I can eat smaller meals without a guideline.

I try to eat fewer processed foods. I don’t do this religiously, because almost everything is at least somewhat processed. (If you don’t believe me, eat a handful of raw flour.) Dessert is one of my weaknesses, but it’s a weakness I allow to persist. Nowadays, a Lindor chocolate or a couple of cookies are my idea of dessert, or else I split a dessert with my husband.

I try to eat more vegetables. This is my biggest struggle, but I try. I could eat even more of them, to be honest. Sometimes I drink vegetable juice, and that has been my go-to vegetable when I don’t have time to fix veggies. It’s better than nothing.

When I was in high school, I was what would now be called orthorexic. I ate a perfectly balanced 1000 calories a day to lose weight, and continued until I was a skeletal 110 pounds at 5’8″. I still tried to lose weight. When I say I’m eating healthy, I am trying to avoid that time in my life more than anything.

I eat healthier. I’m not a health food fanatic. I will have items like steak and fries in moderation sometimes. But I need to be careful to maintain a weight I can live with.

Writing for Me

Daily writing prompt

How do you write what people actually want to read?

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I don’t know that I write what people actually want to read. Not a lot of people have actually read my books. I have about 2000 readers of my newsletter, which has gone down by a couple people each month. I have about 25 regular readers of this blog.

I don’t know how to write what people actually want to read. I write from my mind and from my heart, and hope there is an audience that likes my quirky, honest, and optimistic writing. I hope they like my closed-door romantic fantasy and my cozy Christmas romances with a bit of fantasy. I hope my lack of readership is just failed promotional attempts that I can get over and learn to do right.

I write because I think there’s room for my stories.

A Caticorn

If you could pick any fictional animal to be your lifelong companion (like a Pokémon or fantasy pet), what would it be?

If I were looking for a fantasy pet, I think I would like a caticorn. A pocket-sized caticorn. That flies. In pink. Yes, something that twee.

Actions Have Consequences

Daily writing prompt

Do you believe in karma?

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I don’t believe in the mystical version of karma, where there are cosmic circumstances to the things we do, mostly because I do not see the good rewarded. Bad things happen to good people, and that seems to go against the tenets of karma. But I believe in natural consequences, where actions cause other things to happen.

If someone takes out a beaver dam, the lake goes away as a result of meadowification (I’ve seen that word somewhere.) If one does an illegal act, they are much more likely to get arrested. Natural consequences are not perfect, because there are guilty parties who are never punished, but at least they always have to watch their backs. (Donald Trump, for example. Do you think he’s a happy man? He faces at least some of the consequences of his actions.)

Are consequences always equal to the magnitude of the action? Not always; we talk about people not getting what they deserve. Natural consequences lack a sense of justice that karma gives us. There is no divine retribution possible with natural consequences. But I think it fits the data of daily life better.

Participate

Daily writing prompt

What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?

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The advice I would give someone younger than me (and that’s a lot of people these days) is to participate in life.

I originally thought of this in terms of what I would tell students coming into college. I did not participate in groups when I was in college, and I think it was a grave oversight on my part. I told myself I wasn’t a joiner, when in actuality I was depressed much of the time and afraid of getting rejected. I think that if I had picked a group that fit my interests (and at the University of Illinois there were several such groups even for nerds like me), I would have had less depression and would have gotten over thinking I would always be rejected. The awkwardness finally went away when I found a group that became family to me. We weren’t a university-sanctioned group, just a bunch of people who hung around.

In a more general sense, I have always sought out experiences, so I would say I was a participant in life. My bucket list included things like being in a dunking booth, marching in a parade, and participating in a talent show (all checked off). But, again, I wasn’t a joiner. My leisure activities, including writing, have been a solitary venture.

My psychiatrist suggested I find a group to join in my leisure time because of the importance of being around other people. So I am joining Nodaway Chorale, even though my voice isn’t as strong as it used to be. I used to enjoy singing, and think maybe I can enjoy it again.

So, participate in life. Find yourself a group activity you enjoy. Take opportunities to experience life. What are you doing to participate in life?

A Piece of Turquoise

What’s the best thing you’ve ever found randomly on the street?

I am attracted to random pebbles. Not a rock hound; I usually don’t know what I am looking at. It’s just a pretty stone, and I don’t even know whether it will look shiny after being tumbled in a rock tumbler or if it will just crumble.

Then there was the day I found a chunk of turquoise.

When I found it on the sidewalk in with a bunch of other, less descript gravel, I thought it was discarded gum until I looked at it more closely. It was a blue-green. I poked it gingerly with a pencil, and it did not engulf the point of the pencil as it would have if it were gum. Not bubble gum, then. I picked it up and noted the black veins running through it, and realized that it was an unpolished piece of turquoise.

I have no idea why it was lying on the sidewalk. Perhaps someone had found it in a pile of pretty stones at a tourist trap and bought it for their pocket. It certainly wasn’t from a piece of jewelry given its unpolished state.

It was mine now.

But not for long. I don’t know where it ended up, but I lost it soon after receiving it. Perhaps it was like the One Ring, with a will of its own, looking for a new master. I don’t know, but I hope it’s happy with its new owner.

The Best Piece of Advice

Daily writing prompt

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

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I received the best piece of advice when I was at my lowest. I was in the process of breaking up with my first husband. I was also having a breakdown in an inpatient treatment program for sexual abuse survivors with complex situations. (Nobody knew I was bipolar, or even depressed, so I don’t know what they thought my complex situation was, but my insurance decided to cover the program anyhow).

The program consisted of a group of women who were in much the same situation: sexual abuse with complicated stories. Many had dual diagnoses of mental illness or substance abuse. Many had been there for months, struggling with the program. I walked in there with my trauma out in the open, a victim of my past and of my husband, and I attracted the attention of the mean girls clique.

I responded to the bullies the way I had responded to bullies my entire life: I fawned. I flopped on my back and offered my belly. “Hey, I’m a victim; don’t beat on me.” I was not my best self. If I were anywhere near my best self, I would not have been having a breakdown.

In retrospect, we all were at our worst. We were safe to be at our worst on the way up to our better selves. We recreated the dynamics of our trauma because that was all we knew to do. We were there to learn another way of dealing with our lives. I threw myself in the path of bullies and tried to make them be my friend. They had been victimized and took the part of the aggressor so they didn’t feel vulnerable again. But I didn’t understand that back then. I only knew they hated me and I needed everyone to like me.

I talked to my social worker about it one day, and she told me, “Not everyone has to like you. And you don’t have to like everyone.” Those two sentences opened up my life. I did not have to ingratiate myself to bullies. I didn’t even have to like the bullies. I didn’t have to love people who abused me. I had a right to my own feelings.

That wasn’t the only thing I learned at Brattleboro Retreat, but it was among the most important. It was my first step to rejecting victimhood. In rejecting victimhood, I could grow beyond it.

My Body

Daily writing prompt

What’s something you used to worry about but don’t anymore?

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I used to worry a lot about how my body looked — fat, thin, and everything in-between. When I was young, I was rather overweight; I was self-medicating bad feelings with handfuls of sugar. When I got into high school, I decided to diet to a mind-boggling 110 pounds, which I didn’t think was enough (I was 5’8″). I had a pouchy stomach even after losing 100 pounds.

I gained weight again through binge-eating (and sleep-stealing food) in my undergraduate days, then walked much of that off in graduate school. I didn’t feel skinny, I didn’t look skinny. I was round and chubby. I knew I still wasn’t attractive, but I wore a dress size I was comfortable with. Then I broke my leg getting hit by a car, and I gained all the weight back and more.

It was easier coping when I was fat, because I knew I was fat and didn’t look pleasing. I lost weight several times in my adulthood, getting within 10 pounds of my goal weight, and I never felt satisfied. My tummy was still round; my arms saggy. I did not like the way my body looked. I knew other people would critique it badly.

This time around, I lost weight for health reasons — that and the availability of Ozempic to shut down my food noise (look up “food noise”. It’s a real thing.) I lost 90 pounds, and I am at my goal weight, and I haven’t been at this weight since High School, on my way down to 110 pounds. My body, quite honestly, is awful. I have a big and saggy belly. My upper thighs are wrinkled. My arms have batwings.

But I don’t care. I bought a swimsuit and will go into a hot tub without apology. I am sixty-two years old, and our bodies don’t bounce back after a big weight loss. I would look less wrinkly if I gained the weight back, but I don’t want to hurt my health. And I like the clothes at this weight. So I don’t care how I look. Much.

A Cat, of Course

If you had to be an animal for a week, which one would you be and why?

If I had to be one animal for a week, I would choose a cat. I have three of them, so I have been taking notes on their lives, and they have it pretty good.

My cats are privileged. They live in a house, are well-fed, and get petted a lot. Chloe, in particular, is my personal barnacle, being attached to me any time I am in the living room. Chuckie prefers Richard, and Pumpkin Spice Latte prefers whoever isn’t busy with Chloe and Chuckie.

I would like to trade places with one of my cats, probably Chloe. Or maybe one of the kittens that frolic in the yard in the next block. They look like they have a lot of fun.

iPhones Forever

What’s a piece of technology you’re convinced will exist in 20 years?

I expect the iPhone will exist, in one form or another, in twenty years.

Mobile phones are part of the culture, to the point where people are moving away from land lines. People’s cell phones are their only phones, and with all the extra features of the iPhone, they have become personal computers in mini form.

IPhones are lifestyle aids. I use my phone for email, checking up on classes, surfing the Internet, playing solitaire, tracking my food intake and exercise, texting, and composing occasional blog entries. I do not use it as a phone much because of my hearing problem, but my hearing aids will connect to it and I will control them from the phone.

I don’t see much changing with the iPhone over 20 years. I could see it becoming a satellite phone, I could see more features set into it, but the form factor will stay largely the same and the functions will stay similar.