Anhedonia

Anhedonia is a psychological term meaning the absence (relative or absolute) of enjoyment of one’s life. It’s a sign of depression, a sign that one’s mood is below zero.

I have been suffering from anhedonia these past few weeks. Since the end of summer, I have had the summer doldrums. I have not been enjoying writing, and have not written for weeks, not even this blog. I did not feel my usual anticipation for the beginning of classes. Things I normally look forward to were things to get through.

Normally, I greet even little things in life as pleasurable. Dinner? A minor celebration. Writing? A flow activity. A doctor’s appointment? Something to be curious about (honestly). The past few weeks have been “Oh, yeah, I have classes to get through, and then I have the weekend to get through.”

I made an appointment with my psychiatrist, because I have a history of depression. (As I have bipolar disorder, this is perhaps putting it lightly.) The irony is, as soon as I made the appointment, I have started enjoying life again. I am looking forward to my trip to Kansas City this weekend. I am anticipating my 63rd birthday. I haven’t felt down about my classes. What gives?

I am working on publishing a book or two — Kringle Once More in October; Avatar of the Maker in January. My cover author (my niece Rachel) finished the cover for Avatar today. And I am working on the publication pieces and enjoying it. Maybe my anhedonia is over. What am I going to talk to my shrink about?