The Thing I Hate About Writing Books

Writing is the simple part

Writing the book is the simple part. You come up with an idea when half-asleep or when distracted by something else, surreptitiously write the first draft while others do more normal activities, suffer from writer’s block, get an alpha reader who tells you what’s wrong, go through the developmental edit only to dissolve into despair, get some beta readers who tell you what’s wrong, despair over the book some more, edit until your mind is thoroughly sick of writing, and then publish. (I can only address self-publishing; traditionally published people have extra hoops to run through.)

Promoting myself: A Baby Boomer No-No

First, I should explain how I feel about bragging about myself: I am a Baby Boomer — a young one, but a Baby Boomer. I am also female. These two points are relevant in explaining how I simply loathe self-promotion.

The status of females in the 60s and 70s was that society expected women to be internally perfect at educational pursuits but externally mediocre. To win first place in the spelling bee, but hope nobody noticed. (With traditionally male pursuits, society expected women to be obvious failures.)

Repeat after me, Boomer women: “Oh, it’s nothing.” “I’m really not that good.” “I was just lucky this time.”

This big roadblock

Photo by John Guccione http://www.advergroup.com on Pexels.com

So with promoting my book, I feel a literal crawling feeling, a resistance to putting the book out there as often as people suggest I should. The book isn’t good enough. People won’t find it interesting. I can’t make it look interesting. I don’t want to shove it down their throats. Sound familiar?

I’ve tried a few methods — promoting here, on Twitter, on Facebook pages. There are several methods I’m just scared of — Bookbub and Goodreads, for example. There are so many places I fear working with. Can someone walk me through this?

If I have anyone out there working through internal perfection/external mediocrity, please let me know!

Unlovely Feelings

Feelings about writing I’d rather not have

Lately, I have written little. I’ve edited, edited, and edited (and frankly have at least two novels left to edit with ProWritingAid). But this means I now have writer’s block and haven’t done the very part of writing that gives me a high.

The unlovely feelings I’ve harbored

Instead, the writing part of my life has become a series of unlovely and even petty feelings. I’m ashamed of the thoughts and cycle through them helplessly. In exposing them to the light, I hope I can exorcise them.

The cycle goes like this:

Being disappointed by my progress in writing/being read
Looking down at my talent
Being jealous of other people who have advanced in writing and being read

Self-pity and jealousy aren’t a good look, so I don’t let them out. Except here, I’m letting them out by owning them. By admitting them, rather than indulging them.

What do I do about this?

I think I need to go back to what I love, so I remember what I love about writing. And what I love about writing (other than getting attention, which I’ve already noted is failing) is actually writing. I need to create and then I’ll have the energy to do what I need to do — the promoting, which pushes me into the comparisons to others and the jealousy.

This is all very intellectual. but…

I’m analytical about this whole thing, which tells me one thing: I’m trying to stifle these unlovely feelings by managing them. Feelings are not to be managed without paying attention to them and letting them out constructively.

The way I learned to do this was through cognitive journaling. Without going into too much detail, cognitive journaling lets you document a feeling and its power over you, then examine the cognitive distortions that fuel those feelings. Many of our bad feelings come from inaccurate thoughts.

So that is what I need to do about my unlovely feelings — let myself listen to them and then find the truth.

I’ve got some work to do.

Long Time, No Write

Two months — are you kidding?

I apparently quit writing in this blog for almost two months, having made my last post on October 19th. I am a creature of habit, and when I lose that habit, I really, REALLY lose it. I apologize to my readers for such a long hiatus.

Where I’ve been

I’m doing well, although I’ve been busy. I went through a hard semester with my students. I published Kringle in the Night and wrote the first draft of It Takes Two to Kringle during NaNoWriMo. I put up Gaia’s Hands to be published January 1. Gaia’s Hands is romantic fantasy — or fantasy romance. I don’t know which one; it’s about split equally.

What I’ve learned

I’ve learned that I need to keep my routines so that I don’t lose track of the little things that connect me to the outside world. Like this blog and my Tik Tok.

I’ve learned that I need to be more forward in talking about my books. You do know that I have two published and one about to be published from the previous paragraph. I also have a space opera on Kindle Vella called Kel and Brother Coyote Save the Universe — of course, it has a romantic flavor.

What I want going forward

I’d love to share my books with you. I’d love you to share your books with me if you write. I’d like to make a space where we have good conversations.

Welcome!

Christmas Songs in October?

No, there’s a reason

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com

I am prepping for my NaNoWriMo project, It Takes Two to Kringle. It’s the third Kringle Christmas romance. I’ve made a tentative outline which will get less tentative the second or third pass around. I have two weeks till NaNo, so I think it will get done.

But I also make a playlist for each novel I write, hopefully before the novel is written. I should mention that it’s not just my efforts; my husband contributes by searching iTunes for suitable songs. He’s at his best with Christmas songs.

The playlist goes as follows:

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas — Judy Garland
Jingle Bells (Synth-Pop Version)
The Christmas Can-Can — Straight No Chaser
Sister Winter — Sufjan Stevens
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! — Dean Martin
White Christmas — Johnny Mathis
The Christmas Waltz — Leslie Odom, Jr.
I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm — Barry Manilow
Justice Delivers Its Gift — Sufjan Stevens
River — Sarah McLachlan
Christmas Lights — Coldplay
Time To Fall In Love — Lindsey Stirling
Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy — Pentatonix
Merry Christmas Baby — Elvis Presley

A listen through

I listened to the whole playlist this morning and I’m really getting a good feel from it. It fits the moods of the novel, and it stands alone as a Christmas playlist (along with the two previous years’ Christmas soundtracks).

Now all I have to do is write the novel in November.

Staring It In the Face

Writers’ angst

I am not as popular as I thought I would be as a writer. Which means that my rank under Amazon’s system is close to the bottom. I don’t know if anyone has read my latest, Kringle in the Night, although I will also in my defense say it’s only been live for a week.

Promotion woes

I don’t know how to promote. I mean, I do, but not in a way where people actually pay attention. Every day? I can’t do that; my conscience won’t subject people to that. Every few days? I think I can do that, and it’s about time for me to do that. In the newsletter? I’ve got to write that today, don’t I?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Writing and my future

I’m torn between quitting writing, writing for myself, and doing this same path with writing and promotion. I think if I get some positive outcomes I can certainly continue with the latter, but I need some good words to continue. Sorry for the bummer, but this is where I am at the moment.

Send good words and thoughts here!

A Writing Day (Hopefully)

I have a project to do today

I will once again be doing NaNoWriMo in November this year, and I will once again be writing one of my Christmas romances (working title: It Takes Two to Kringle). Today, though, I need to work on outlining the book so I have guidelines on what to write come November. The first book (The Kringle Conspiracy) I wrote without an outline, a process known by writers as “pantsing”. I loosely outlined the second book (Kringle in the Night), otherwise known as “plantsing”. I feel like the second book is tighter than the first, thus I will be outlining the new novel as well.

But first, motivate

I have been off writing for a little while because life got busy, and now I need to get back to it before NaNo or else I won’t write next Christmas season’s book. But I’m so undermotivated! I don’t know what to do to motivate — I could go out to the cafe, but I don’t know if I feel like it. I could play music on the stereo.

Honestly, though, what’s really stalling me out is feeling overwhelmed by the project at a time where I don’t have much energy.

Breaking the Impasse

If the task of writing an entire outline for a book today is too much, I can break the task down over a couple of days (perhaps five chapters a day) and promise myself a break at the end of those chapters. That way I don’t feel stressed and thus defeated by the task of outlining.

And if I really get into it, maybe I get it all done in one day!

So what are you procrastinating on lately? Let me know in the comments!

The Shortest Hiatus

Twenty minutes

That’s how long it took for me to get back into writing yesterday.

So much for my “I think I’m going to take a break from writing” spell. I guess I’ve become a writer after all.

A strange hobby

Writing is a strange hobby. It doesn’t cost much at first, only the cost of paper and writing implements, or the cost of a computer. It’s not as expensive as woodworking or sewing, and one can get results with very little practice. The writer can even show the results to friends, neighbors, or the entire Internet,

Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.com

Then, the writer gets the notion in their head that they’re going to get published. After failing at that, there’s one of two places to go: give up on being published, or hone one’s craft. Writing is addictive, however, and the writer gets drunk on possibility. The writer gets pulled down the path of honing one’s craft.

Honing one’s craft is not cheap. Workshops on structuring the story, software that helps edit, developmental editors — all cost money, and quite a bit of money. But the writer gets better, and tries to publish again, because it’s become part of the hobby. A lot of rejections follow. Sometimes the writer decides to self-publish, but sharpening one’s skills and improving one’s writing still takes priority because writers want to be recognized for their best work.

However, writing intoxicates — an elixir of possibility bubbles up whenever one takes up the pen. Writing mesmerizes its practitioners — they feel the quality of the words, the patterns they make as the words are read. Writing tantalizes — visions of the pinnacle of their art as they finish the last word of a document.

It’s a hell of a hobby.

Impostor Syndrome (again?)

I didn’t write yesterday

I didn’t write yesterday because I didn’t have a lot to say and I had a lot to do. I broke my 80-day writing streak, but it turned out I didn’t feel that bad about it.

The real reason I didn’t write

I’m suffering from a serious case of impostor syndrome. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong in writing, editing, and promoting my books. Ironically, I think this is happening because of a group of other writers that I’m hanging out with on the Internet.

They seem so motivated. They write 10 books in a year, they post regularly on Tik Tok. They participate in anthologies. They know which genres they fit into easily. I can’t keep up with them; I’m still trying to figure things out despite having written seven books.

I don’t want to be like them — I want to be like me, but I wonder if that’s good enough.

Impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome is that feeling that, if someone knew who I really was, they would decide I was a fraud.

I hear that impostor syndrome is entirely too common. Ubiquitous, even. That everyone has the same dialogue in their head that says that they’re not good enough. That everyone who looks like they’ve got it all together feels the same way.

I don’t know the cure for impostor syndrome. I don’t know that anyone does, or else we wouldn’t be suffering it. I think even my fellow writers with all their enthusiasm feel it.

I may just have to live with it and do all the things anyhow.

Getting Back Into Writing

I haven’t done a lot of writing lately

I really haven’t done a lot of writing lately. I’ve been tired and dragging, taking lots of naps, doing a lot of editing of prior works. This means I have about 5 novels that I could submit today if I were in a submission cycle, two needing beta readers, and one that I will finish at Camp NaNo this year. Hopefully.

I feel like I’m losing the knack

It’s been so long since I’ve written a novel start to finish that I don’t know if I can do it again. Of course I can; it’s only been six months. But when I write that down, six months seems like such a stretch. I’ve been editing things for that long, which uses a different set of muscles, as it were.

To be fair, I have almost completed a serial space opera of novella size, so it’s not like I’m not writing. In fact, that whole last paragraph sounds stupid if I take that into account, doesn’t it? It’s not like novels are a whole different beast than novellas, is it?

Ok, never mind

There is a tend to aggrandize novel writing over other forms of writing. I’ve never had anyone ooh and ahh over short stories. Novelists are a rare breed (hint: No, they’re not) and what they do is mysterious. So non-novel writing is, indeed, writing.

I must go write. Bye!