Heat Wave in Rural Missouri

The sun burns sagging porches,
bleaching petunias and salvia.
The afternoon gasps its last.
From my window, nothing stirs –
I alone live, breathe.

Swooning,
I spy you strolling through a deluge of rain,
bearing me pansies and muguet,
your bowler and grey linen suit still crisp,
the last mirage before I fade – 

Knowing I exaggerate, and my demise
is not imminent in this air-cooled room
does not detract from my reverie.

Kel and Brother Coyote is Live!

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Kel Beemer is an intergalactic shipper. She has three rules: no passengers, no politics, and no restricted planets. When Brother Coyote hires the ship, Kel finds out he’s broken all three of the rules. Then Kel gets infected with a symbiote on Ridgeway III and she and Coyote discover a plot to take over the beauty planet. She and Brother Coyote must work together to save the planet — and the universe.

You can read it here. The first 3 episodes are free.

Have fun!

Newsletter

I have a newsletter

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I keep a newsletter for people who are interested in my writing. This may or may not be you, reader. The newsletter highlights my writing in the fantasy romance/romantic fantasy genres (which are everything I write that’s not short stories or poetry (and even those tend to be fantasy).

So if you’re interested in reading what I’m up to in the poetry area, hit me up with your email and I will get you on the newsletter list.

Have fun!

Excerpt from Prodigies

Here’s a section of the WIP I’m editing:

I peered in at the window of the restaurant and breathed a sigh of relief. The restaurant appeared both large and informal, two pluses when it came to secluding ourselves, I hoped. Golden hearth tiles accented the white walls, and pale, warm wood covered the floor, giving the place a rustic look. A small uproar greeted us at the door, its source the lively customers who took up two-thirds of the tables. Did Poles ever sleep? I wondered, realizing there would be no need for 24-hour pierogi places if they did.


Ichirou murmured anxiously, “Do you think they could find us here?” With those few words, Ichirou reminded me of the gunshots, the escape, the danger we were in.


Just then, we heard the sirens, playing a distinctly different tune than American sirens, heading in the direction of Palac Pugetow.


The hostess, middle-aged and plump with that pale Polish skin, seated us in the dining room — a large one with probably forty-some tables — toward the back as we requested. She looked at us with a brittle smile. “Do your parents know you’re out, young man?” she piped. If only she knew the reason of our outing.


“No, ma’am,” Ichirou piped up. “But it’s okay. She’s my babysitter.”

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I felt my face go red, because now the waitress was scrutinizing the both of us. “That’s good,” she said brightly.


As she exited, I scowled at the menu. “This menu is all in Polish, and I think it would take forever to translate it all.”


“Just translate the names,” Ichirou shrugged. “I translate English to Japanese and back all the time.” And with that, he had shifted from a child to the wise for his years twelve-year-old.


I picked a random item and pulled out my cell phone. “Krakow Misalliance,” I sighed. “Wasn’t that the turning point in World War I?”


“Did you just make a joke?” Ichirou scrutinized me with widened eyes.


“I think so. It’s the stress.” And the fact that, facing the front of the restaurant, I found myself watching every moment for Second World muscle.


Some fifteen minutes later, a waiter, older with reddish hair pulled in a ponytail and the grace of a ballet dancer, stepped up to our table to take our order. Ichirou muttered at me, “Wait. We don’t have any money.”


“Yes we do. Don’t worry about it,” I hissed back. “I’d like the venison pierogi,” I addressed the waiter.


“I highly recommend the Krakow Misalliance,” the waiter nodded, his English charmingly accented. Unlike the people on the street, he seemed unfazed by the Asian boy in the presence of a black woman at an impossible time in the morning.


“If you know English, why didn’t you bring English menus?” I groused.
The man shot me an angelic grin. “Because you didn’t ask.”


I almost laughed despite my banked terror. “I’ll have venison pierogi. And water to drink,” I told the obliging server.


“Still or sparkling?” the waiter smiled.


“I get a choice? I’ll have sparkling,” I replied.


“I’d like cabbage pierogi with tea,” Ichirou decided.


The waiter strolled away, and I hoped he wouldn’t chat about the obvious foreigners at the back table.


Ichirou interrogated me after the waiter had left. “How did you come up with money?” He studied me through his steel-framed glasses.


“I’m 17. I’ve been handling my own finances since last year. I have a credit card.”


“As a high school student?” Ichirou peered over his nerd glasses at me.


“As a trust fund baby.” I peered back at the youngster.


Ichirou pulled out his phone and tapped on the screen. “Trust fund baby?” He scrutinized the screen, then nodded.


“My parents died and left me money. I’m an emancipated minor. By all definitions an adult. I sued to get control of my money and won.” I could taste the bitterness of that fact on my tongue.


“I’m sorry to hear that,” Ichirou murmured.


“It’s complicated. I spent most of my life at residential schools. Music schools. I never really knew my parents as Mom and Dad.” I caught myself remembering Ichirou’s animation that made me cry, that feeling of being loved.


“That’s strange,” Ichirou replied. He paused for a moment, then spoke slowly, as if trying to piece things together. “I spent time in a boarding school, too. I knew almost nobody but Ayana. That’s why I made that animation; I needed unconditional love in my life.”


Before I could reply, the waiter came back with our drinks. Ichirou scrutinized his cup of hot water with a teabag beside it, frowning. My water came in a bottle with bubbles.


“Are you sure you don’t want the Krakow Misalliance?” the waiter smiled, reaching toward an invisible lock of hair and then stopping. “It takes a while to cook, though. Your pierogis will be out in a minute.” He wandered off, and I noted that he glanced over his shoulder at the door.


I glanced at the door again, and thankfully I didn’t see any beefy men striding through. “Do you think they’re going to find us here?”


“Hard to tell.” Ichirou took a sip of the tea brewing in his cup. “This is tea?”
“The rest of the world drinks tea just like this, Ichirou,” I smirked, then sobered.


Ichirou took a deep breath. “What happened back there? At the Palace?”
“I think they want people with talents. Not talents like mine, but talents like yours. Like what you knew would happen when I watched your video.” I remembered the feeling of peace, of unconditional love, and thought about how it could manipulate people in the wrong hands, like hypnotists could do by inducing relaxation. Only much more so. I felt angry again.


“I didn’t know for sure my program could do that,” Ichirou responded. “I thought it might. But I had to know, because it was important.”


“You tested that on me without knowing what it would do?” I hissed just as the waiter came by with our plates. Ichirou gave me a warning look.


“Venison pierogis for you,” the waiter handed me my plate with a dancer’s grace, “and cabbage pierogis for the vegetarian. Let me know if you need anything.” The waiter walked off, glancing over his shoulder again.


“So you think they’re after me because of my animation skills,” Ichirou conjectured between bites.


“Not your skills,” I whispered to him. “Whatever it is you do that makes people want to smile. Or whatever you want them to do.”


“Oh. What do they want with the others, then? With you?”


Good question, and not one I’d been able to answer. “Nastka — Anastasja — I overheard her talking to Matusiak about practicing something. Did you notice that Dominika did not mention her talent in the introductions? And the twins acted like they had contact with this bunch before, and they looked terrified.” I remembered the white faces of the children and their mother, and I remembered the gunshots as we fled the building, and wondered what their resistance had cost them. “As for me, my only talent is music; I don’t have a talent like they’re looking for.”


“We’ll see,” Ichirou responded, rubbing his chin. “You’re here.”

Re-editing

I’m re-editing my past catalogue of works to tighten them up a little. I feel like that artist my mother talked about: “It takes two people to paint a painting: the artist to paint it, and the other to slap the artist when they’re done.

I wish someone would slap me.

Impostor Syndrome (again?)

I didn’t write yesterday

I didn’t write yesterday because I didn’t have a lot to say and I had a lot to do. I broke my 80-day writing streak, but it turned out I didn’t feel that bad about it.

The real reason I didn’t write

I’m suffering from a serious case of impostor syndrome. I feel like I’m doing everything wrong in writing, editing, and promoting my books. Ironically, I think this is happening because of a group of other writers that I’m hanging out with on the Internet.

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They seem so motivated. They write 10 books in a year, they post regularly on Tik Tok. They participate in anthologies. They know which genres they fit into easily. I can’t keep up with them; I’m still trying to figure things out despite having written seven books.

I don’t want to be like them — I want to be like me, but I wonder if that’s good enough.

Impostor syndrome

Impostor syndrome is that feeling that, if someone knew who I really was, they would decide I was a fraud.

I hear that impostor syndrome is entirely too common. Ubiquitous, even. That everyone has the same dialogue in their head that says that they’re not good enough. That everyone who looks like they’ve got it all together feels the same way.

I don’t know the cure for impostor syndrome. I don’t know that anyone does, or else we wouldn’t be suffering it. I think even my fellow writers with all their enthusiasm feel it.

I may just have to live with it and do all the things anyhow.

Of the Proselytizers

Beneath the shimmer of russet leaves,
lies a cunning rabbit snare, and
entwining the trees, poison ivy 
blushes crimson. 

Beware the idyllic seeming of the tavern
nearby; the innkeeper steals souls
with a goblet of mead. 
The customers
hold knives, hiding them with smiles.
They invite you to the kirk in the grove
where they flay you with words, oaths,
and ancient spars of wood.

Best to avoid this land, despite the
enticing invitation, the siren song
pitched to the maw of your heart.
Instead, step with sure feet to your destination,
holding yourself in your thoughts. 
Make peace with the wound
in your heart. Know there are many paths
to find blessings.
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Soaking Up the Weekend

Mood

It’s Saturday, and we’re trying to wake up. Blasting “80’s Alternative Essentials” off Apple Music. I’m grooving on it. Not sure about whether my husband is grooving on it. His choice would have been Celtic; I needed something more wakey than that.

Another bat

Photo by Vijay R on Pexels.com

(Note: we just packed up another bat for Public Health after we caught Chloe trying to eat it. We’re awake now.)

Weekends with my husband

The big difference for me between weekdays and weekends is that on the weekends, I have my husband all day Sunday and some Saturdays. Lately I don’t see him till 9 PM because he’s practicing to perform in a local musical. Now that I have him all day today, what are we going to do?

We’re in our 50’s. We’re probably going to sit in the living room and soak up the cool, listen to music. I’m probably going to edit my latest WIP. We’ll share things we find on the Internet.

When I hang out with my husband, it’s so much better than when I hang out alone. I can bounce things off him, make faces at him, joke with him.

I’m really scattered today

I keep jumping from task to task, and it’s taken me four or five tries to get this blog finished. I guess I’ll stop here.

What’s Up

What’s on my stereo

I’m playing Rock Lobster by the B-52s, which isn’t conducive to writing but is conducive to bewildering my husband at this time of the morning. I’m using it to wake up.

What’s on my mind

I feel like the summer is slipping away from me. I have a month before fall meetings start, and I pretty much have my course sites (the difficult part for me) set up for the Fall. I assume the university will be de-masked, with those students without vaccinations at risk for getting sick, unless we get a variant more daunting than the delta version.

Photo by Karina Zhukovskaya on Pexels.com

I’m going to have to get used to not having to set up a camera and microphone, not having to stand glued in one specific place, and not having to spray the chairs and tables with disinfectant (called “Bearcat Thunder”) between classes. Thank goodness.

What’s in my heart

I’m struggling in my heart. I haven’t fallen in love with anything lately, and love is what fuels me to write. I wrote a poem the other day, though, about one of the things I hate the most: proselytizing. Specifically, the hand extended when someone says “Jesus loves you” only to pull you into a place where Jesus purportedly hates everything you are. (I believe that Jesus loves who we are regardless.) There might have been a crush involved, and an intense disappointment.

My emotions are not strong lately, and I’ve always written out of a place of strong emotions. This is not entirely true — Kel and Brother Coyote Save the Planet was written out of a sense of fun, and I’ve made it to the first edit stage.

What’s on my plate

As I mentioned above, I’m editing Kel and Brother Coyote, which if I haven’t mentioned it, is a serial novella in the space opera genre. I’m hoping to get it on Vella just to see how well Vella works. It will, of course, need edits.

I’m waiting for beta reader responses on both Gaias Hands and Kringle in the Night. These will be self-published on Amazon. Gaia’s Hands is a contemporary fantasy romance, and the first book I wrote, and thus has gone through many, many rewrites. It asks the question: what is hidden from plain sight? Kringle in the Night is the second in the Kringle Chronicles series to come out at Christmas time. Both of them have atypical protagonists — imperfect, ordinary, made extraordinary by what might be called magic.

So I have things to edit, things to re-edit, and hopefully things to publish (self-) various places. I will also keep submitting to agents, but I keep that to every six months or so.

So it’s not like I’m not busy. I’m just not creating right now, and it makes me itchy. I need to submerge me into the editing.

Hello

So jump into my comments and tell me how you’re doing!