Today is My Birthday!

I am 62 years old, which sounds odd to me because I spent all last year thinking I was 62. That comes with a certain amount of gravitas, which I lack. I am going to be one of these old people who are a little too loud and mirthful, I guess.

At 62, I’ve gotten through a lot. At this point I feel I could survive anything. This is not the case; sooner or later something is going to kill me. I hope not for a while because I still have a lot of things I want to do.

I’m going to spend today working (of course), then relaxing and eating lamb chops for supper. Not an exciting day, but an excellent one. Happy birthday to me!

I Should Get Rid of ‘Should’

Daily writing prompt

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

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If I had to get rid of one word I use regularly, the word would be ‘should’.

‘Should’ is attached to expectations, oftentimes other people’s expectations. Saying ‘You should’ projects my values upon another person more often than not. ‘Should’ seems to come with a certain amount of shame if one doesn’t follow it.

“Should I do this?” If I ask this question, the response from my husband will be, “I don’t know, should you?” And rightfully so, because what I need to do at that moment is an analysis of the pros and cons of doing the action.

‘I need to’ is a different phrase than ‘I should’. It is a statement referring to consequences of not doing something, which are experienced by the person. It takes responsibility for itself.

I should get rid of ‘should’. See how hard it is?

Why I Blog

I ask myself this question often. I don’t know if I am satisfied with any of my answers, but I will spell them out as honestly as I can.

I originally started blogging as a way to publicize my writing. I write magical realism novels and Christmas romances. They’re very different from each other. It turns out that I talk little about my novels, although I am still writing them. You can find my novels at this link: Lauren Leach-Steffens’ author page.

After a while, I started writing because I liked the concept of followers. I like having an audience for writing, even though I know it’s more “pure” to write for the simple joy of writing. I have extrinsic motivation for writing.

For the past year, I wrote because I had a Big Audacious Goal of writing 365 days in a row. I made my goal a couple weeks ago. It took a lot of work. Then I took a break.

Now, at the moment, I write because it’s a habit. I think I have good things to say, and so I write. I still want followers, I still want to sell books, but I’m now writing (for the most part) to be heard, by whoever wants to read my writing.

Holding a Grudge

I hold grudges. Specific grudges. Long-lasting grudges. I don’t know why I haven’t let go these grudges except they represent disrespect to me, and I don’t like to be disrespected.

The grudges I hold are specifically on women who have tried to steal my boyfriends. There are a couple of them, maybe 3. One of them got into a necking session with my boyfriend (Don’t worry, I’m not with him anymore for good reason), one of them bedded the guy I had a crush on, and the third tried to go to bed with anyone I showed interest in. They didn’t just accidentally end up in bed with someone I was dating, they aggressively went after these guys. This is against the Girl Code^TM.

It’s been almost 40 years in some cases, yet I still hold a grudge. I just can’t countenance disrespect at that level. Would I be a better person if I let it go? I don’t think so; some people are just toxic and I never got an apology.

Luckily, nobody is trying to steal my husband. I guess we all grow up after a while.

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Early morning

What’s your favorite time of day?

My favorite time of day is morning when I wake up, which for me is 5AM. The sky is still dark and the world is quiet. I feel like the only person awake in the world.

First Day of Classes

After my long summer, it’s finally time to go back to work teaching. I am psyching myself up to stand in front of a classroom again. I need energy and enthusiasm.

I need coffee.

I haven’t had coffee in a little while because it tastes too strong when I’m losing weight, but I will try it today because it is NEEDED.

Yes, enthusiasm comes in a mug!

First Day Back

My summer vacation is over. Today I sit through a whole day of meetings — University, Academic Affairs, College, and Division. Everyone has the idea of having their meetings on the same day so we have a couple of extra days to get our stuff together for classes. Whee.

I have all my stuff together. Except my brain. It’s still in summer mode.

The Enjoyment of Writing

Daily writing prompt

What do you enjoy most about writing?

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What I enjoy most about writing is the ‘aha’ reaction I get when my mind finds a new twist or a new direction to go while writing. I am what is known as a plantser, somewhere between planning the book and flying by the seat of my pants. In this method of writing, there is a certain amount of writing with the flow, although it’s grounded in a general outline. This gives me plenty of room for ‘aha’ reactions.

I love it when I learn something new about a character, for example. I will do this while writing, where suddenly one of my characters does something surprising. I have to pause and see whether it’s out of character, and if it’s not, then I have learned something new about the character. One of my favorite recurring characters, Luke Dunstan, still surprises me at times.

Plots behave similarly. I might find a plot point flowing through my mind and onto the screen. I test it to see if it works, and if it does, it becomes part of the book. I don’t know how it happens, but it does. Maybe my subconscious does more writing than I give it credit for.

The ‘aha’ of new developments is my favorite part of writing.

In an alternative universe

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

I wake up at 5 in the morning, and the first thing I do is check my phone. It says that I have fifteen more minutes before I need to get up, so I read the phone for a while. The news announces that the President has just signed new climate accords mandating an increase in clean fuels over the next 15 years. Those in the fading coal and oil industries will be retrained in solar and wind.

I get dressed and go downstairs to my car. My car is electric, as most of the cars are. The cost has gone down enough that people can afford them. Clean tech is subsidized through tax incentives.

There hasn’t been an air quality alert in three years. Cities are cleaner and asthmatics can breathe better. The world is healing itself, given a chance.

In my office, the hypoallergenic therapy cat saunters by asking to be petted. I pet her and she jumps in my lap. I guess I needed a hug. My cats at home get jealous sometimes.

My coworkers are friendly, relieved of the stress of the environment.the world is a bit kinder of a place.

A Cat Cafe?

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

If I had a shop, it would be a coffee shop. With cats. I would want a cat cafe. How could I resist two of my favorite things?

To spend the day in a room full of cats and coffee? That would be a charming existence.

The problem is that cat cafes tend to be non-profit, and I would need to be independently wealthy to run it without a profit. If I were independently wealthy, I would want space to travel. So much for that idea.

I still want to fantasize about it, though.