Fighting Burnout

You haven’t heard from me in a while

I apologize. I’ve been neglecting my writing. Not just the blog, but the books, etc. I’ve been busy with work. I’ve been tired. I’ve had so many little things to arrange.

Or I’m just burned out. The ideas are not flowing. I’ve been devoid of good ideas. I’ve been discouraged by how little my books have been read compared to other people’s work. I’ve been frazzled by how much of my life has become promotion of books. I’m irked at how many writers look down on self-published authors like myself. Like there’s a pinnacle to reach and I will never read it.

I’ve lost the joy of writing

I’ve been actively avoiding writing lately. I avoid my current work in progress rather than staring at it. I avoid this blog.

I need to find the joy of writing again. I am thinking of changing gears and working on the next Kringle book, which needs to be plotted by November 1st. I need something to perk me up, to remind me that I’m a writer.

I have been here before; I will be here again. I just need to find the way out.

I haven’t been on here lately.

I’ve been lost in my thoughts. I have been postponing writing my book. I have been getting Kringle in the Night and Gaia’s Hands ready. I have been wrestling with my heart. I’ve been trying to figure out my male protagonist in Walk Through Green Fire. I have run away from writing.

Today I’m on, but it’s my day off for getting my other cataract out. The surgery has just been done, and I’m seeing somewhat better. I hope the vision gets much better much soon, or I will still have to wear glasses.

Falling in love with characters

This is what I need to do with my characters in Walking Through Green Fire. Dane Prince — otherwise known as Prince Dane — is fae, minor royalty and a somewhat unusual member of his race. He has wearied of intrigue in Faerie, suspecting its has substituted for meaning now that the human world no longer believes in Faerie. He wants to find one who believes in Faerie; moreover he wants to leave Faerie.

He’s probably the perfect male for Nina the librarian — a bit fey (of course), introverted, mischievous, remaining honest while indulging in double-speak. Don’t think of Nina as his green card marriage, although there is a sense of that. Oh, and he’s pretty hot, which Nina is not expecting. He scares her a bit with his intensity.

Maybe it would help if I wrote a sex scene first?

One thing at a time

A good thought, but I can’t think of what to start first. Maybe I should just concentrate on getting my vision better. Hmm…

People My Age

From radio to playlist

It is said that people in general do not develop new musical taste after their mid-thirties, and continue to listen to the music they listened to when younger. In other words, someone my age should only be listening to the Oldies station, with music from the 60’s through the 90’s (and yes, it’s frightening to me that the 90’s are considered oldies).

My husband and I seem to be exceptions. First, we introduced our favorites to each other, so he became immersed in folk rock and I in classical. Second, our musical tastes have expanded because I love listening to musicians with reputations of being groundbreakers and avant-garde performers. Before Itunes, these weren’t accessible to me because I didn’t like prowling through record stores (ah! vinyl!) and hated to buy a whole album as an experiment. With today’s technology, I have a world of music in front of me.

Sometimes I do listen to the oldies. Right now I’m listening to an 80’s singer-songwriters playlist, and I recognize most of the songs. In 1981, I would have been starting college, and in 1989 I was in the middle of my PhD program. But I’m just as likely to listen to Brian Eno or Erik Satie or Ludovico Einaudi or some electronica.

Places to go

This is where I might be a little more stereotypical. My husband and I have favorite places we like to go — Kansas City, Starved Rock State Park. But we do go new places too and try new food — oh, we always try new food. We haven’t been on a cruise (nor do we intend to go on one) so we don’t have that senior destination in mind. We do want to go on that big ferris wheel on Navy Pier in Chicago (at least I want to; not sure about Richard.)

I guess we’re not that settled

We’re somewhat settled — after all, we’re not skydiving or bungee jumping (although indoor skydiving in on our list). But we still want to try new things, which makes us still somewhat young for our ages. I’ll take it.

Happy Birthday Me

I don’t feel 58

Today I commemorate 58 years on earth. I don’t feel almost sixty; sIxty sounds — well, old. So does 58, for that matter. I don’t feel that old. if you had to ask me my age I’d say 45 (except for my knees, and then I’d say 80.) I’m old enough to be my students’ grandmother now (if they had two generations of young mothers). I still think I’m old enough to be their mother, and the reality hasn’t sunk in.

I feel like forty-five, only with a lot of memories. I don’t just remember mixtapes, I remember reel-to-reel tapes. I remember a sofa fountain in the drugstore. I remember princess phones in pink and the old bakelite black phones. I remember mainframe computers and DOS and the early days of NCSA Mosaic web browser at the University of Illinois (think the precursor of Netscape Navigator and Firefox.) I remember instamatic cameras and disposable cameras and the first digital cameras. I remember crying when the Beatles broke up. I remember unsafe playground equipment and Tonka trucks and Super Elastic Bubble Plastic. I remember going to the Woolworth’s lunch counter with my grandma and to the Ben Franklin 5 and 10 with my allowance to buy candy. I remember life before Applebee’s.

I don’t miss the past, really. It wasn’t that much simpler, and I like my technological toys.

How I plan to celebrate

It’s simple, really. I plan to play on my computer at the cafe and maybe have an ice cream soda from Kris and Kate’s for lunch. I plan to read my happy birthday greetings on Facebook and have dinner and a rare drink for my birthday.

It’s really not bad being 58.

Procrastination Again

Things to do

I have things to do today. School work, promoting my upcoming work, finding some ARC readers, doing my newsletter, etc, etc.

I don’t feel like doing a bit of it.

Motivation

I’m just going to do one task at a time, a few minutes at a time. After the work I do for my career, I’ll start with the hardest thing to motivate for, which is the newsletter because it has a lot of fiddly tasks. Then, fueled by more coffee, the tasks I fear because I have to put myself forward, like finding ARC readers next. And then writing.

Photo by Igor Haritanovich on Pexels.com

But first, coffee.

This looks like a job for coffee

I haven’t had my cup of coffee yet. Maybe I’ll have two just to be sure. If I have three half-caffs, I’ll have a cup and a half worth of real coffee. At any rate, coffee.

Too Many Things To Do At Once

Scattered in a million directions

I’ve got work. And I’ve got a book to write. And I have this blog. And I have to promote the novel coming out in October. And I’ve got to plan a book launch party online.And I need to get my materials together for Missouri Hope (where I do casualty simulation). And … I really want to take a nap.

I need to get organized

I think I have ADHD. I have never asked for a diagnosis because what’s the use of getting diagnosed in one’s 50’s? Organization would really help, but I’m used to remembering what I need to do and doing it fast. I seem to have a skill set that does good and fast at the same time. Maybe not great and fast, but at least good and fast.

I need to organize, though. I’m told it’s the right thing to do, except that I get overloaded in the organizing part and want to go color-coded with my tasks, or I forget to look at the checklist. I guess I don’t really understand how people do it.

One thing at a time

That’s how I do the best. When I have a moment of free time, I will do one of the things above. The blog in the mornings. Maybe some advertising at lunch. Maybe some writing this afternoon …

It will all get done. And if it doesn’t, I guess I’ll live.

Bits and Pieces

Yesssssss!

I finally got some writing done yesterday! It was about 2k words, which is my typical daily goal. I feel a lot better about my slump and think I might be on the way out of it. Let’s see if I can maintain it.

Just a reminder

The second book in the Kringle series, Kringle in the Night, will be coming out October 1. OMG less than half a month away! Just a little ad:

I’m proud of the cover

This is the book cover. I put it together myself. The picture came from a royalty-free site.

I can’t believe how close it is to opening day. I have to advertise it. Bye!

I Haven’t Been Writing

Life got in the way

I’m sorry I haven’t written in the past couple days, but life got in the way of my writing. I’ve been enjoying my three-day weekend by seeing The Hu in concert, eating breakfast at Eggtc, and watching Shang-Chi and the Ten Rings. All in all, a good weekend.

The problem is, life is getting too much in the way of any writing. Between going places, teaching, and stocking up for casualty simulation, I get distracted from writing. I get distracted from everything by everything else.

I wonder if I’m going manic again. Probably not because I’m sleeping more than usual, which isn’t manic.

Maybe I’ll start writing to distract myself from something else.

Another PitMad

Every three months

Every three months, I submit my books in what is known as PitMad, hoping to get an agent interested in them. PitMad is a “pitching” event, where authors tweet a blurb on Twitter hoping for agents to “like” it. A like means a request for at least a few chapters.

I don’t have luck with PitMad. I think it’s because of my writing philosophy. I write for geek girls of all ages who want their fantasies romantic and their romances fantastic. Which doesn’t sit as well as I would like to the common market. Still, I persevere, because at heart I am an optimist. Otherwise, why would I do the same thing over and over again, hoping for different results?

Not a lot of trouble with TweetDeck

It’s not a lot of trouble to do PitMad. You don’t even have to manually submit your blurbs once every three hours or so, as long as you have the website Tweetdeck, which allows you to automate tweets. It’s also free! You write them up ahead of time, program them for the right time of day, and the program takes care of tweeting them at the designated time. You can even do them days in advance (I had mine ready a week ago).

Time to sit and wait.

I have three tweets from each of my three novels that I haven’t self-published (oh, I misspoke. I have another novel that I tend to discount when these events come around.) That pretty much involves me all day. Although in reality, all I will be doing is checking every now and then in the middle of my other work.

Wish me luck!

Looking Toward Sixty

Nothing to see here, move along

I don’t know if I have anything new to say. I’m teaching classes and they’re going pretty well. I’m avoiding my next novel in favor of some advertising stuff I need to do. I’m hopefully losing weight (SLOWLY). I turn 58 in two weeks —

That’s it, isn’t it? A year closer to sixty.

Close to Sixty

Do I feel close to 60?

My body — well, that feels old. I’m out of shape and my right knee is oh, so messed up.

My mind? I feel 40, only with a lot more memories than I should have. In fact, it’s only when I think of my memories that I feel old in my mind. Like when I think of old technologies — dial phones, vinyl records, 8-track tapes. Or when I think of pasting Plaid Stamps from the A&P into a booklet to redeem, or going to a real ice cream parlor at the little pharmacy right in town. Was it a better time? No, it definitely wasn’t. It was a time of enforced conformity, one I didn’t fit into. I guess I’m not so old that I see my childhood in sweet sepia tones.

What about myself as a sexual being? That’s not a problem, except that I still find myself attracted to younger men (about 30 years old at this point) and any fantasies in that direction seem ludicrous.

From the outside

I get mixed information from the outside, somewhere between “You’re not almost sixty!” and “When are you going to retire?” The latter comes from my colleagues, because the MOSERS retirement plan I’m in would pay for retirement already. (The reason I don’t is because the University no longer funds health insurance for retirees during the medicare gap.)

Retirement dreams

I know what I’d do if I retired now — I’d go full-steam into my retirement career. And nap a lot. I’d sit in the coffeehouse and write. I’d relax. I wouldn’t miss work at all. If I could retire now, I would, and it wouldn’t make me feel any older.

But for now, I’ll work, and remember what it was like to be younger, and make little fuss about the passage of time.