Dealing with the Meltdown

I had a meltdown yesterday

I had a frustrating day yesterday. Computing problems, a rejection, the realization that I have to do yet another edit on probably more than one thing. I admit, I had a high-stress meltdown. My husband watched helplessly as I put myself down, ranted at the computer, and became a frantic mess.

I pride myself on my stress tolerance, because I usually feel like I’m in control. I am, to a large extent, in control. That’s the way I see the world. And if I’m in control, then I can fix things. I wasn’t in control yesterday.

And I hated it.

Locus of control and its limitations

The state of feeling in control of one’s destiny is called internal locus of control. It’s a psychological term. The opposite of this is external locus of control, where one feels destiny, or fate, or God, or just bad luck rules the outcome of things.

Completion of goals is best when one has internal locus of control. That makes sense, because if one doesn’t feel in charge of their own destiny, why would they plan anything?

Entry-level psychology classes tend to simplify as “internal good, external bad”. But what about the cases where we don’t have control — the buggy websites, the computer crashes, the barfing cat, the husband falling down the stairs? (This literally was my yesterday).

An alternative when things go sour

This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in.

I tend to be Spiritual But Not Religious, but I appreciate the role of ritual. The Serenity Prayer, which may or may not have been written by Reinhold Neibuhr, is as much a mantra as a prayer. I prefer the short version, because the long version loses its mantra power:

God, grant me the serenity/to accept the things I cannot change/the courage to change the things I can/and the wisdom to know the difference.

I could have used this yesterday in the midst of my meltdown. Perhaps I would have yelled at my computer screen less (fat chance), or put myself down less. Maybe I would have performed better on my tasks. Maybe — no. I have no control over the past, so might as well not dwell in it.

To the reader

Have any of you had a meltdown recently? How did you deal with it?

Today I Will Do Nothing

A productive day yesterday

Yesterday I had a very productive day. I brainstormed two short story plots, a novella plot, realized that I might have another novella plot, considered the half-novel’s other half, and generally had fun brainstorming.

I think I have work to last me the entire summer and then some. Add that to sending out Gaia’s Hands to beta readers and eventually publish it on Amazon … it’s going to be a busy summer.

And today — nothing

Today I want to do nothing. Listen to my favorite music (Singer-songwriter music — can you tell I’m a Boomer?) and lie on the couch talking to my husband.

Not likely to happen

I know myself well enough right now that nothing is not likely to happen (pardon the double-negative). I was made for motion, and there’s a computer to tempt me into some sort of work.

I get my naps in the afternoon, and that’s enough for me to rest my mind and go on to the next thing.

What are you up to?

What are you doing this weekend? Let me know in the comments!

Momentum

I feel like I’m finally moving forward.

I’ve been working hard these past few weeks on all things Gaia. It’s been a fruitful week, with 320 new friends on Tik Tok, 25 people on my mailing list, and a handful of beta-readers and ARC readers for Gaia’s Hands. This might happen — I may get a book out in August.

Is there an addiction to accomplishment?

I think I’m addicted to accomplishing something. I know this is a typical drive for people, but many people get this accomplishment by doing crossword puzzles.

Artists and writers get this sense of accomplishment by creating things. Getting them out there for people is often secondary to actually making the artwork or story, and in fact many creatives (including myself) cringe at the marketing part.

When am I going to slow down?

I will have no choice but to slow down next week. Because of the end of COVID, I finally will be able to go to one of my favorite retreats, The Elms, to have a spa vacation/writing retreat. Mostly spa vacation, because I have much of a day to get a massage and spend time in saunas, hot tubs, and steam rooms. All in all not a bad way to relax.

Am I manic yet?

I don’t think so. Every day I take an afternoon nap and I get 7 hours of sleep a night. Those are not the signs of a manic swing. I have to worry about this because mania and depression are part of my life. Things I watch for:

Lack of sleep
Elation
Horribly painful crushes on people
Irritability
Starting up a whole bunch of new projects

Don’t worry — I’m keeping an eye on me.

Social Media Platform

Why do I need a platform?

I’m a writer. I want to sell my work (even if it’s just one book right now). Even if I get traditionally published, I’m going to need to promote my books, because traditional publishers can provide good book placements but limited advertising. Social networking over social media might even have an advantage over traditional marketing.

Toward this end, I am building social platforms. I started with facebook and Instagram, which I was already using for personal use. And, of course, this blog, which used to reside on Blogger but moved in. (And if you’re interested, all the back material has been transported here.) Very recently, I have had Tik Tok recommended to me, and I have a tiny bit of a presence there. Twitter — there is a #writingcommunity on Twitter, and they are loyal to each other. I have almost 5000 followers there. And I follow a romance writing group on Discord, which is where my freshest information comes from..

Facebook, with its groups, has been the most useful of the social networking sites, largely because of writing groups like Romance Writers Support Group, followed by Discord. As far as selling books go, not so good because having social media doesn’t sell books.

Having social media means making social connections. Making social connections sells books.

My next steps

I’m currently working on my next steps, which concern writing and sending a newsletter. This requires having a page where they can sign up for the newsletter and get a free “reader magnet” (a story; it’s the enticement) and a website that will take care of automated sending of the newsletter. This requires two websites I’m learning: MailerLite (the app that automates the newsletter sending) and Bookfunnel (which entices people to getting your newsletter by offering the reader magnet.

So I’ve had a huge amount to learn in a couple days. Today I will be working with promotions for my newsletter. Wow. Two days ago I didn’t intend to have a newsletter. Five days ago, I didn’t have TikTok.

Speaking of newsletters

You’re probably not a romance or fantasy reader, but if you are or just want to connect, join my newsletter list HERE.

A Maskless Life

The news yesterday

When I read that the CDC had advised that vaccinated Americans need not wear masks in most circumstances, I trusted it. I decided it was time to go maskless . After all, this is the CDC, the same authority that I trusted when they told me to mask.

But at the same time

After a year of masks, sanitizing surfaces, and staying away from public places, I don’t know what to think. I’ve made a habit of masking up when going out of the house, and when I forget, finding the stockpile of paper masks from the back of the car. I had been told only a month or so before that unmasked, vaccinated people could still transmit the virus. It’s not that I don’t trust the CDC — I trust science even though it doesn’t always seem consistent as it evolves. It’s just that — it’s like building up your defenses against a marauding army only to find that it has vanished in thin air.

And, against the backdrop of the new swarm of cases in India and the shelter-in-place in Canada, it seems unreal that we are demasking in the US.

Those who won’t unmask

Several people I know, serious maskers, won’t take off their masks despite the CDC advisory, even though the risk of contracting COVID is 5% or less, and the risk of dying even less (similar to those vaccinated for flu, I believe). They cite not trusting unmasked persons even though they’re immune because of the vaccine. Ironically, they’re rejecting information from the same government organization they touted previously.

The truth is, fear is stronger than rationality. The Right’s fear of losing liberty and the Left’s fear of taking off their mask are cousins. I hate to say this, because I’m a Social Democrat and tend to align with the left end of the political spectrum, but I see similarity. I also see identity expressed by the choice to wear a mask or not pre-lifting of restrictions. I see differences, too — the anti-maskers tend to operate in an individualistic form and the mask proponents in a more collectivistic vein, as they express concern for unmasked people as part of their rationale. But I see the similarities.

My choice

I will walk into the café today without a mask. I might get stares from my friends who are still masked, but I have to put my faith in the guidance from the CDC, as it’s more grounded in science than anything I could come up with. I will keep a mask in my belt pouch for crowded spaces or for doctors’ offices. I will mask again if the threat level rises, such as a new variant.

But I will choose science over fear.

Struggling with Technology (again?)

I used to be good at technology

I used to be good at technology. Honestly, I used to be the person who introduced new technology to my colleagues, who stared at their mouse as if it would yield answers on its own. The irony is that it would have yielded those answers if they only used it to search menus and drag objects.

It’s not my fault

I find myself worse at technology than I used to be, and I refuse to say it’s my fault, because I’ve been using the same techniques to teach myself new software. It’s not working. I have decided it’s not me, but the software available to me.

It was inevitable that the increasing complexity of programs and apps would result in some inscrutability. My first experience on a computer was a DOS machine. The entire WordPerfect program sat on a 8″ floppy disk (1.2 MB storage) and I had room to store my homeworks. Now we download megabites of code, invisible to us, and store programs on our terabyte hard drives, and our documents in the cloud.

Increasing complexity

Why has the size of programs and apps increased so greatly? Because progress demands programs be increasingly complex, doing more things, and doing them beautifully. I demand this myself; it’s always a bonus to me when I can type myself rather than using a secretary; format my own books; develop my own videos. Some of these programs are not made by big companies, as is evidenced by the Apple, Android, and Microsoft Stores.

The consequences

The consequences of increasingly useful and complex programs and apps are threefold:

Increasing margin for mistakes
Increasing difficulty in making logical and intuitive interfaces.
Information overload

I’m running into these, but usually the latter two. I do, however, occasionally run into buttons that don’t work, captions that float over other essential functions, and other errors. (WordPress, why do I have to click twice on “Select” to get into the photo archives like Pexels?)

Logical and intuitive interfaces — menus and buttons where the function pops up when you scroll over it; context-sensitive menus. Learning Photoshop has been challenging due to its many, many menus where menu options are not always intuitive. In these cases, a robust help menu helps, especially for those of us new to the program and not so new to the world. WordPress, on the other hand, has context-sensitive menus, although it took me a bit to figure out which menu to seek — is it the plus sign or the menu on the right?

The last is information overload. This is where you see so much on the screen that you can’t focus. Photoshop again is a good example of this. Numerous menus with numerous options — don’t get me wrong; I’d rather that than a plethora of programs that are less complicated.

I don’t want to throw away functionality, especially as I am a DIY person. Maybe better help and more consumer testing and some idea of the language used on Photoshop.

But I have a question for you:

Do you know any good books on Photoshop? On WordPress? Please let me know!

Mornings with my Husband

Every morning

Every morning, my husband and I get up at 5 (me willingly, him reluctantly) so we can spend time with each other (and the cats) before we go to work. Richard makes the coffee and gets us cereal for breakfast while I type up the morning blog. The cats — the only one I see now is the blue (grey) tabby and white Me-Me curled up against a box of LaCroix.

I sit on the loveseat where my station for writing is set; Richard sits on the couch. We usually play music, with me in control, which means iTunes and one of their ‘Essentials’ series. Today is an exception; we’re playing the Chess soundtrack because I’m been hearing too much ABBA on Oldies Internet Radio. (Link there –the B’s in ABBA helped write the Chess soundtrack). Richard and I talk about the music because I have strong opinions — and sometimes so does he.

He finds me pictures of cute cats and goats and sends them to me, and delivers my daily dose of chocolate. His love language is acts of service. Mine is verbal communication and sense of humor. It’s a great way to spend coffee

These days of summer

These days when I have all day to do things relative to my writing, it seems that Richard goes off to work way early. I could keep him here all day if it weren’t for the fact that we are both earners. Today he goes in the next 20 minutes, and there will be less laughter and less brightness to the day.

As a love story

As a love story, Richard and I are very mellow. Maybe this is fitting with our ages, or maybe we’re just mellow people. We’re definitely not the love story written in romance novels (are there even middle-aged love stories?)

I wouldn’t trade our love story for anything.

Question for you

Would you read a mellow love story if it had some realistic tension in it?

A World Too Big

My life on digital media two years ago

I can be found on Facebook, which to me feels like my small town, only populated with nerds like me. And on Instagram, which feels like going to a petting zoo, since I follow mainly celebrity cats. Those, for the longest time, were my only social media.

But then, because I’m a writer who needs to promote books (well, book anyway), I’ve been encouraged to seek out other media.

And now

Maybe it’s because I’m a Boomer, or perhaps it’s because I grew up in a small town, but the digital world suddenly seems too big to me. I have almost 5000 followers on Twitter (writers’ Twitter is very generous with its likes), and that was the size of the town I grew up in.

And now I’ve been advised to go on Tik Tok. Tik Tok seems like a really crowded circus sideshow in which I’m one of the performers but I can’t find my booth and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m overwhelmed, and wonder what one would do with 180k followers if one could get them.

So I’ve joined Tik Tok anyhow

I joined Tik Tok yesterday and will be putting up my first video today. I don’t know that I’ll be exciting — I’m a nerd who likes coffee and cats and writes occasional novels. I have four friends on Tik Tok. I have followed three internet famous cats. I have ordered a light ring. I remembered where I put my makeup so I look good (as good as I can) on camera.

We shall see.

Here’s a question:

Are any of you on Tik Tok? My username is @lleachie. Drop me a line!

Thinking About the Fear of Failure

Sorry, I’m running a bit late today

It’s been a busy morning. I’ve prepped four signed copies of The Kringle Conspiracy for the mail today — I have friends that want my signature. It took extra coffee to get me on task today, because I had nightmares about getting the wrong signed book in the right envelope. I swore, with that, I would complete the task first thing before I psyched myself out. Task completed; now to mail them.

Which brings me to my topic

How is it we let fear of failure get in the way of our dreams? It’s common enough that Harvard Business Review has an article on how to overcome fear of failure. So do others, but I like HBR’s version because it fits with my world view. (wise words or confirmation bias? You decide.)

Here’s their list with my musings:

Refine failure. This fits in with the SMART model of goal-setting. I covered the other day — goals should be attainable. I set a goal of “getting traditionally published”, and given the market, that might have been aiming too high for a first-time author. I still have that goal, but I set other goals like “self-publish one book”, and I feel satisfied with self-publishing The Kringle Conspiracy and its sequel coming out in November, Kringle in the Night.
Set approach rather than avoidance goals. This is the difference between “avoiding rejection” and “get published”. Or, for another dichotomy, “losing weight” vs “making healthy habits. If I accentuate failure, I start the journey to success cranky and hopeless.
Make a “fear list“. This is one I hadn’t heard of, and I’m going to start doing it. The technique is: 1) write what you’re afraid of, 2) write what you’ll do to keep it from happening; 3) write down what you’ll do if it happens. I’m thinking about how I might use this in my life.
Focus on learning. This one I love the most — because I believe my purpose in life is to always be learning. Those messy first drafts became polished novels with the help of experience. I managed to stumble through self-publishing. I’ve gotten tons of rejections, but it’s okay because I’ve learned. Success or failure, we will hopefully always learn.

The question

Drop me a line — how do you deal with favor? And which of these pieces of advice do you think will work in your life?