One Month

Am I ready for the school year?

One month until the school year starts. That means the rhythm of my life completely changes from working at home to working in my office and in classrooms. This fall I have three face-to-face days with students and two days working from home.

I have my course sites for fall ready, which means my classes are all organized. They’re all in a easy-to-use form for students after some tweaking. I should be ready.

But there’s that transition.

The hardest part for me when it comes to preparing for fall is the transition. I don’t transition well (which makes me think of a diagnosis of ADHD, but I have never been diagnosed). I groove in whatever mode I’m in, but getting into that mode is difficult. So going from very flexible time to giving six lectures a week and sitting office hours will be a bit difficult.

The good thing about fall semester

One of the things that gets me through transitions is ritual. There’s enough ritual built into the beginning of the semester — greeting of students, Convocation, the faculty-staff picnic. Rituals make transitions easier by giving a celebration and a clear demarcation to it.

We missed the rituals last year, and that made everything harder for me. We canceled the picnic. I only met with half my students at any given time. I conducted office hours via Zoom. I had no real transition and it added to my stress level and sense of isolation.

This fall should be a real transition to the school year. I will clean my office to welcome students. I will go to the faculty-staff picnic and cheer on football season and meet with my whole classes and say hello to my fellow faculty members in the hallway. I will once again have a transition with rituals to make the change in routine easier — or, at least, celebratory.

ennui

I want to do something, but … meh.

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com

It’s been one of those summers, the ones where I want to accomplish big things, but. I can’t quite seem to wake up. I have no ideas to play with. I get no inspiration. I want to do something, but … meh.

Breaking out of the doldrums

The first thing I do to break out of the doldrums is get up, sit upright, start doing things. Like writing this blog, which has taken me three tries to write. Drink coffee. Contemplate something to break out of my routine.

Contemplating ways to get out of the house, away from the same walls, out into the open.

Something.

I’m off now

Time to get out of the doldrums.

Tik Tok

They told me it would be good for me

@lleachie
An introduction to the love of my life
♬ original sound – Lauren Leach-Steffens

Some romance writers turned me on to Tik Tok, where they told me I could use it to make connections for future book sales. I’m not so sure about that, but I decided to try anyhow.

So far, I have posted 23 Tik Tok videos of various visual quality (I’m struggling with the lighting thing) and on various topics, with cats and coffee winning out over books.

I feel like a boomer.

I have so many questions about Tik Tok:

How can I use a ring light without the big glare in my glasses? Furthermore, why a ring light? Wouldn’t a work light work? Or a spotlight? Or a traffic light?
How do I duet?
Why can’t I do a true portrait-oriented clip on my computer? Instead it crams the landscape video into a portrait frame with lots of black area at top and bottom.
What, really, is the purpose of Tik Tok?
Editing software. What is the best editing software? I use Crazy Video Maker 2 on my computer.

For you

If any of you use Tik Tok, please submit advice of any sorts as to how to use it better. This Boomer needs your help!

Moulage (warning: graphic pictures)

My other hobby

I forgot to talk about one of my other hobbies yesterday, or rather, I neglected to talk about my other hobby/volunteer work. I do moulage, otherwise known as casualty simulation. In short, I make people look injured for emergency disaster training.

This isn’t a hobby I can share casually, because, actually, I did a pretty good job. The pictures creep people out.

My favorite story on the realism of my work is going into work after our big disaster training weekend (I’m a professor) and getting the rumor that one of my “victims” was sent to the hospital for a simulation, and they started hooking up an IV on him. He had to stop them from doing so. I mentioned this to another class, and his girlfriend corroborated it.

None of this is real

Moulage requires a certain amount of art and science. The science comes in studying injuries — knowing how they’re inflicted, what they look like on the body, how they change over time. The art comes from recreating them in grease paint, fake blood, wax, and latex.

Examples (warning: do not go below this point if you are upset by these pictures)

Tik Tok

The late night television of the Internet

I’ve just discovered Tik Tok — not surprising because the demographics don’t skew toward Boomer. Tik Tok is strange: filled with amateur vignettes from funny to bizarre to serious, none more than a minute long, it feels a lot like late night television, viewed in a dark room, with lots of infomercials and public service announcements.

The metaphor held when I realized that most of the hits to my posts happened at night. So Tik Tok is an entire community of people watching late night television, and this is what unites them.

My foray into filming

My reason for going into Tik Tok was to film promos for my book, The Kringle Conspiracy. I had been advised that promotion should only be 1/4 of one’s output, so I’ve had to film funny pieces in-between. And I’m falling in love with Tik Tok, it turns out.

I generally film myself on my computer or, when I can get my husband in on things, he films me on the iPhone. Then I edit using a silly little video editor named Crazy Video Editor. I use this, even though it’s a little buggy, because it allows me to put in thought balloons and other effects. I would like a program with even more features to let me be even sillier, but I haven’t found it yet.

I try to film every day — a quick minute or so followed by a few minutes of editing. My films are not hi-def or expertly filmed (there are some limits to the front-facing camera in a computer and inexpert lighting), but they’re fun and that’s what I’m going for.

I have had modest success. In less than a week I have 235 followers and some comments.

To find me on Tik Tok

Just find me at @lleachie. Hope to see you there!

Soooo Tired

It’s the end of the school year

There’s so much I want to accomplish, but — all I want to do is sleep. I thought I would get away with not having the end-of-year crash, but I’m back to wanting to crawl back into bed with a feeling of murkiness.

It happens every year. I survive till the end of semester, and then crash. I’m trying not to let the crash win this year, but I slept all afternoon yesterday after accomplishing my one task (my first Tik Tok; to be found here.)

Choosing to be slightly productive

It occurs to me that I am standing between two extremes here — being productive all day or sleeping all day. That’s a failing of mine — black and white thinking. So maybe I need to make a temporary goal: productive in the mornings, sleepy after lunch. I’m hoping it will work, because I’m tired right now, having awakened an hour and a half ago.

Maybe today it’s just setting goals time, and more specific than “work on something for three hours a day.” I found how effective that was yesterday, where other than the Tik Tok I accomplished … nothing. Ok, I guess I plantsed the outline for the last three Kel and Brother Coyote installments. I didn’t write.

That all or nothing thinking

I did it again. In that last paragraph, I started accelerating my goals, hinting that TikTok and editing the video, and outlining the rest of a novella were not enough. That’s the sort of thing that will get me into all-or-nothing thinking. Not where I want to be,

How do I change that? With a more specific goal, such as:

I will make and edit a Tik Tok for three mornings this week.
I will write two sections of a Kel and Brother Coyote story per week, in the mornings
I will explore ideas for short stories two afternoons a week (preferably over coffee)
I will take 5 minutes per hour for social media. in the mornings

I hope this works! If it doesn’t, I’ll adjust it.

The Beginning of Summer

Or so I hope

Today the grades go in at 10 AM, but my grades are in already. It’s officially summer. Even though the high today is only 62. It’s not like I want weather in the 90s, but 70s at least. Jumping in a swimming pool without turning into a block of ice weather.

After what was the hardest school year of my life (other than the one where I ended up in the hospital I guess) I’m free. Interns are really schedulable.

What I wish for this summer:

A spa weekend at the Elms (scheduled for the end of the month)
Lots of productive writing
Afternoon naps (as needed)
Someone lending me a camper so I can do a writing retreat at Mozingo Lake (wishful thinking!)
Getting back into walking, a little at a time
Figuring out how to promote my writing.

A wish to a goal

What I have to do now is turn my wishes to goals. I think the best thing to do is make them into goals, looking at whether I have the resources to fulfill them (goodbye camper; I don’t have the social capital to get that for free) I think I need to have some long-term goals to wrap the daily goals in. But right now I don’t feel much like that, because it’s my break and I really need to take that nap now.

Need Ideas for Writing!

Where do my ideas come from?

Most of my ideas, strangely enough, come from dreams, and I haven’t had any inspiring dreams lately (except for the one last night where Jason Momoa helped me with an awkward yard task and then winked at me.) I write fantasy and science fiction with a strong relationship (one might call it romance) element, so dreams about unusual happenings or intriguing strangers (not counting Jason Momoa) tend to provoke my dreams.

My imagination of course fuels and expounds upon these dreams. A certain “what if” element comes into play. What if there was a collective in the middle of nowhere that had to keep its reality secret? What if a woman’s annihilating power was disguised as a mental illness? What if the end of the world could be triggered by killing one person?

The well has run dry

Here’s my frustration — I haven’t come up with any new ideas lately. This could be because I’m just coming off a semester; it may be because I’m doing very well with my moods; it could be because nobody intriguing has visited my dreams (not counting Jason Momoa). I have been assigned by an editor I met to start writing short stories for submission until I can get some traction on my novels.

LOS ANGELES, CA – DECEMBER 12: Jason Momoa arrives at the premiere of Warner Bros. Pictures’ “Aquaman” at the Chinese Theatre on December 12, 2018 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

What are the solutions?

One thing I’ve done is write new stories based on the already written ones. This is why I have four novels and 10 short stories dealing with the universe of Archetypes. I have been charged with writing short stories, however, and I need to get out of my world and write standalone stories rather than “reader magnets”. One solution writers often use is writing prompts, or phrases/sentences providing an idea for the writer to go forth with. a couple of my favorite short stories were written on prompts (not about Jason Momoa). Another solution, one that I will be using today, is bouncing ideas off my husband (who is not Jason Momoa).

My request to you

I would love it if you threw me some story prompts to write with, hopefully fantasy (and not with Jason Momoa).

The Longest School Year Ever

Why has this been the longest school year?

A full year with COVID. Teaching live and on Zoom simultaneously. Being constrained in teaching because I’m tethered to a camera. Students going on quarantine or isolation. Disinfecting all surfaces in the classroom. No Spring Break. Distance. Just so much distance. Constant stress — Am I the next victim? Is my husband? Will we survive COVID?

What are my summer plans?

Interns and writing. And probably some research setup. Hopefully a writing retreat or two. It’s going to be one of the more relaxing summers I’ve had because I won’t be taking a summer class toward my certificate in disaster mental health. I may not know what to do with all my free time. I have a short story collection to finish (not knowing how many more episodes to write) and I may play more with short story ideas. I have too many novels sitting in my lap to write another one for a while. (Gaia’s Hands, Apocalypse, Reclaiming the Balance, Whose Hearts are Mountains, Prodigies, The Kringle Conspiracy, and Kringle in the Night — I guess that’s 7.) Maybe try to get more published.

What do you think I should do this summer?

I need some ideas — weird or no — of what I should be doing this summer. Please make suggestions in comments!

Optimism in the Face of Rejection

Optimism is hard to manage sometimes. I always take risks with optimism that they will improve my future, and for the last six years, they have not panned out. I can’t be specific with the particulars, but let’s say I have put myself forward for a lot of opportunities only to not be chosen.

I’m working on not feeling sorry for myself and seeing this latest failure as room for other opportunities. The people around me with more faith in God would say that God is waiting for the right moment to open up new opportunities. I don’t think God is that hands-on, given how many people in the world there are. I don’t think God reserves this for His (and I deliberately use “his” here) True Believers. And I don’t think a God would hold me back from some of the most excellent opportunities I did not succeed in. So I have to believe that if there are new opportunities that will actually become fruitful, I have not seen them yet. I have to believe in “yet”.

Or maybe I am taking the wrong opportunities. I have been trying the last six (at least) years to re-invent myself. Ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication, I have changed as a person — no elation, no depression, no excitement unless I have a compelling goal, less enthusiastic, more introverted, less charming. I have felt too rooted and unfulfilled in my life, especially 5 years from retirement, and at the same time not manic enough to chuck everything away and move to Thailand.

If I don’t try, I will never get where I want. But I hate trying for something when so much of it is out of my control. And reinventing myself requires the outside world. All I can do, though, is be optimistic. God, if you’re listening, point me toward the right opportunity.