Irked With My Computer

My Surface Book 2 just bricked itself. The replacement I got six months ago is. not. working.

I know it has to do with the base. After all, the keyboard wasn’t working and the power in wasn’t working either. And because the keyboard wasn’t working I couldn’t take the computer off the base. And it ran out of power before I could save my current files to Dropbox, so my querying files are sitting on a dead computer.

I am not happy. I am writing on another laptop, not really mine. I don’t like borrowing laptops for my creative work. I really don’t like an out-of-warranty computer to fail miserably. I have to figure out what to do instead of querying some agents by email (I use Query Tracker to find agents) in my free time today. Luckily I don’t have a lot of free time to occupy.

What’s next: I’m hoping that we decide to: 1) get me the new computer I’m wanting, which I can get cheap; 2) Get this one fixed; 3) Give it to my husband, who doesn’t need all the bells and whistles I need, and it’s newer than his. We may just find a way to get this fixed and stay with our current computers. This may not be fixable (although I’m pretty sure all we need is to get this off its base and switch in a new base — fixing it would cost about $500 for the base and labor. (Is it worth putting $500 in a used computer when the new computer costs $900 on sale?)

So that’s how my day is going. Hoping it goes better.

Staying Positive

I deleted my last entry because it was not very positive. I was writing about the querying process, and like many others who have gone through the process, I was dwelling on past rejections and declaring failure before anyone even read my queries.

For those of you who are not writers, querying is a formalized process for authors to court potential agents. The author assembles a packet according to the agent’s instructions, which usually includes a biography, a cover letter, and an excerpt to a book. Other things might be asked for, like comp (comparable) titles, a pitch (a one line teaser for the book) or “where do you get your ideas?”

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To query, one must become accustomed to rejection. It is certainly not recommended to those with tender feelings or those without a growth mindset. Even now that I’ve done this before, my optimism is tempered with a cautious self-protection.

I have sent out 10 queries for the book Prodigies, which is a New Adult contemporary fantasy. I have revised this book a great deal from the first time, having learned more about the shape of a novel.

Wish me luck.

What I Did Today

I’m writing late today mostly because I got sick this morning. It’s a work-at-home day, and I’ve been working at home between trips to the bathroom. I’ll take my temp in a few minutes to see if I should worry.

However, I also wrote a synopsis for Prodigies, a novel I feel compelled to query because of the change of branding from fantasy to New Adult fantasy. It fits better there because it’s kind of a coming of age novel, with the teen protagonist having to navigate uncomfortable truths about her life.

Here’s the synopsis:

Grace Silverstein, an eighteen-year-old viola prodigy at a prestigious high school for the arts, flies to Poland to participate in an international assembly. Her hosts, including Dominika Wojcik and her young daughter Anastasja, plan to kidnap and coerce the prodigies under a flimsy mask of hospitality. Grace discovers that one prodigy, Ichirou Shimizu, has a preternatural talent for manipulating moods through his graphic designs. When the evening banquet takes on menacing undertones, Grace finds a friend and protector in Lord Mayor Przemyslaw Przybyszewski, who helps Grace and Ichirou escape from the hotel. With the help of a small handful of strangers, find an all-night pierogi place to hide in. Ichirou’s chaperone, Ayana Hashimoto, smuggles the two out of the country with the help of her mysterious accomplice. On their journey cross-Europe, Grace finds Ayana disturbing and Ichirou cute and annoying, and everyone seems to be keeping secrets. The three part ways at Copenhagen, and Grace dodges the hosts’ accomplices with the help of Ayana’s secret partner, Grzegorz Koslowski, another talented person who played most of the helpful strangers. He protects her until she catches her flight home.

Back in the US, Grace’s ordeal becomes a memory as she clings to her alma mater and takes a gap year before college. Then Ichirou and Ayana arrive from Japan to warn Grace that the foreign agents from her trip to Poland, as well as Homeland Security, close in on Grace and her compatriots. They fight with the vice president and president of the school, Estelle DeWinter and Beau Boren until they release Grace from her job with the school. Startled by the news and by Ichirou’s transformation into a tall, handsome teen, Grace has no idea why anyone pursues her, as she has no talent like Ichirou does. She goes with Ayana and Ichirou anyhow.

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While on the run, the three find refuge in a cabin secured by Grzegorz, who Ayana has not yet met; Grace will not reveal his identity.  Ichirou helps Grace discover her own talent of manipulating emotions through her beloved music. Grace realizes that she has always sensed her talent, but that the acknowledgment of her ability leaves her in doubt as to the ethics behind her augmented performances. Eventually, on the way back from Lakeview to copy music for Grace to practice her talent with, the three are ambushed by a sharpshooter who shoots Grace in the chest. Grzegorz heals her, revealing his dramatic talent, and Grace is left to ponder the miracle that brought her back to life. Ichirou helps her cope by making a soothing graphics video which helps her sleep – but brings her into the space she found when she was dying. When she has recovered enough, Grace and the others discuss the costs of using their talents too often, to discover that Grace and Ichirou endanger themselves if they use their talents too much.

The four – Ayana, Ichirou, Grzegorz (called Greg) and Grace – now are on the run again. They go to an empty cafe, where they access a working group on the Dark Web with Greg’s credentials. There, they are confronted by the proprietor of the café, who identifies himself as Weissrogue, a legendary white-hat hacker. He convinces Grace to use her talent on him, because he doubts that he has ever felt sad. After she does so, Greg rages at her and runs outside. Grace follows him, and he kisses her, then pushes her away, and Grace gets the impression that Greg is deeply damaged. Ichirou balks, feeling jealousy toward Greg and Grace. When looking through the site, Renaissance Theory, the group finds that the children with talents which have been carefully schooled (such as themselves) are called Renaissance Children, and that the group from Poland pursuing them, Second World Renaissance, plans to attack the United Nations during their general assembly.

Weissrogue, whose talent is luck, follows instructions from Pzybyszewski and hides the group in the Grand Hotel on Mackinac Island. On the way out on the ferry, however, a Homeland Security agent attempts to accost them and is stopped by Grace’s mournful song. He jumps off the side of the boat, whose personnel rescues him and holds him until evaluated by a psychiatrist. Once ashore and settled at the hotel, Grace and Ichirou venture out and find Beau Boren, who sounds like he knows about Grace’s talent; Grace gets a bad feeling about him. Ichirou and Grace return to the room to find that Ayana and Greg are in bed together. Grace runs off and Ichirou finds here and listens to her muddled feelings. Later, the four and Weissrogue deliberate whether to get involved in stopping the group behind Renaissance Theory. They decide that they will try to stop the plans for the General Assembly, with Anastasja Wojcik acting as a fire talent who will burn the assembly hall down while the others assassinate three world leaders. Second World Renaissance will use their talents’ destructive abilities to angle for Renaissance representation at the UN.

Grace and Ichirou’s talents make the centerpiece of the plan to stop the conflagration, as they both can control moods and emotions. They decide that using their gifts to stop the conflagration and murders will require they work together on video with music to be run on the screen before the Assembly while people are filing in. They meet with a record producer on Weissrogue’s list, taken from Homeland Security, of suspected talents. The record producer, William Alden, helps them create the potent video. Grace and Ichirou discover a synergy that makes them more powerful – and more connected.

Once in New York, the group puts together their strategy, which involves Greg smuggling the video loop into the audiovisual room, Ayana and Weissrogue and Grace and Ichirou creating distraction. Although this goes successfully, the Homeland Security agent pursuing them turns off the video and kidnaps Grace and Ichirou when they try to put the video on again. Once they have persuaded the agent, Walter Adams, to help them, they run into the assembly room. They find the room occupied by members of Second World Renaissance and their soldiers. Amid the chaos, Grace sings while the others try to stop the attackers. One trains his semiautomatic on Grace, and Walter Adams shoots him to death. Greg brings him back to life, and his allegiance flips. Grace’s song, amplified by Ichirou’s synergy, moves the audience to fight against the attackers, and they are overwhelmed by numbers. Greg stops Dominika and the reluctant fire talent Anastasja from setting the curtains aflame; Dominika reveals that Anastasja is his daughter.

In the aftermath, several things are revealed: Beau Boren, President of Lakeview School, is a member of the Renaissance Theory group with hopes to deliver Grace to Second World Renaissance. Estelle DeWinter knew this and was trying to protect Grace. Przemyslaw Przybyszewski has been more than Greg’s benefactor, being involved in an anti-Second World movement. Greg and Ayana finally get together when Greg finds out Ayana is carrying his baby, and Ichirou and Grace finally admit their relationship.

The Meaning of This Website

This is not my official book/author website. That’s here and I haven’t done anything to it since the launch of The Kringle Conspiracy. I’m not promoting The Kringle Conspiracy right now because it’s past Christmas (is this the right thing to do?) My official website is where I’m a totally together person as a writer and I have no qualms about recommending my really great book.

This is my personal blog, and I suspect it’s more interesting to read. This is where I explore what it means to be a writer, the misgivings and triumphs. This is where I try to turn my life into essays as necessary practice for writing, and where I let you know who I am. This is where you find out that I’m jealous of my cat and that the day after Valentine’s Day is the real holiday.

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I believe that it’s good to see the human side of someone. In the age of COVID and the Internet, it seems the best way to get to know each other is in the written word. So I offer this website as a way to get to know one particular writer and fellow human being.

Thank you for reading.

In Need of Some Serendipity

Oh, folks, I am not in a very good mood today. I have a toothache. It’s not as bad as it was yesterday, when the hydrocodone wasn’t even touching the pain, but nonetheless I had a doozy of a toothache.

Then there’s the fact that my husband got 500 likes on a picture of a cat. Five Hundred Likes.

Here is the picture of the cat.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he got — no, I’m jealous. I’m jealous of my cat.

If I sold 500 copies of a book, I would be ecstatic. If I had 500 people visit this blog, I would be doing cartwheels in the living room (Do not mentally envision a 55-year-old overweight woman doing a cartwheel). I’m jealous of my cat (and by extension my husband) for effortlessly managing what I’ve been busting my butt trying to do.

That is the nature of serendipity. We can’t predict the capricious nature of audiences, nor the dominant culture references that fuel the next big thing. We can try to sell our stories, our ideas, our art as the next big thing, but audiences will balk if they feel you’re selling too hard. But so much of success is serendipity — writing about the right thing, being in the right place, stumbling across the right feeling.

I could use a bit of serendipity right now.

The Joys of Study Music

I have become dependent on music to get me through my productive moments. I used to write in silence, with no background music.

Then two things happened:

  1. I married Richard, who believes in a decent stereo (as opposed to the iPhone/portable speaker version I used.
  2. I discovered Apple Music and an endless collection of albums and, more importantly, playlists.

Because of #1, I have gotten used to music in the atmosphere in our 7.2 Dolby Atmos system (not new, but very serviceable). It sounds much clearer than the iHome speaker in my room. When I listen to the oldies of my childhood, it sounds so much clearer than the AM radio of my childhood that I hear elements in the music that I didn’t know existed.

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Because of #2, I have discovered concentration/study music, which focuses me for writing. I never thought I’d find music that would do this.

I can’t concentrate to most music, I’ve discovered. One of my favorite playlists on Apple Music is 70s Singer-Songwriters, because that album is, in effect, my childhood. But it communicates its mood and message too well, because I spend too much concentration in reminiscing. I can remember where I first heard most of the songs on the playlist, and the emotions (“the feels”, in the very evocative language of today) take over my focus.

But then there’s study music, which covers everything from modulated classical music to downbeat electronica to lo-fi. The idea is no words, chill rhythm, and restrained dynamics. The belief is that the music involves just enough of the brain to cancel distractions while at the same time leaving enough room to study, or in my case, write.

This is not the same principle as making playlists to go with an album. Those are typically used to evoke emotions in the listener that translate to characterization and plot elements. I make playlists (not always successfully — this current one is horrible) but they don’t help me focus. The very things that, to me, evoke the emotions — the lyrics — make it difficult for me to focus.

So my writing times are filled with playlists and albums that speak to my brain more than to my heart, and that’s okay, especially for the editing I’m doing right now.

So this morning, after breakfast and coffee, I will go back to editing Gaia’s Hands with the help of my study music.

COVID Hypochondria

I think COVID hypochondria is a thing.

I have a sore throat right now — not even a bad sore throat, but the beginnings of one. It hasn’t gotten any worse from last night. I keep taking my temperature and it’s normal. But still I am swamped with a “what if” scenario. Not a worry, just a “what if”.

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Is my sore throat getting worse? (No.) Am I running a fever? (No.) Have I lost my sense of smell? (NO!)

I however stay ever vigilant, because I will be malingering if I don’t go in to work, and I will be irresponsible if I go into work with COVID. Being an educator seems to be about making a series of choices, all of them wrong, at this point.

If you search for “covid hypochondria” on Google, you get a self-screening checklist. I guess I’m not the only one.

Followers

A big hello from me.

(Ok, I have found out how to toggle size on WordPress, so print is in more readable sizes for older folks like me).

Since I’ve migrated from Blogger, I’ve noticed I’ve gone from an average of 35 visitors to almost none. I can suspect the reasons are as follows:

  • Nobody knows I’m here yet, despite my sign on the old site
  • There were a lot of bots visiting me, and WordPress’s methods keep them out
  • My people don’t like the sign-in method of getting into my blog.
  • WordPress’s people count is inaccurate

I suspect it’s a combination of #1 and #2 with a sprinkle of #3 and #4. I will be putting another notice on the other blog with the new information.

So if you’re reading this, say hi!

My New Address

I’m now writing this blog on WordPress because I’ve had some troubles with Blogger. I wonder if I’ve done the right thing because:

  1. I’m still learning the writing/editing system
  2. I’m afraid that I will lose readers (real or fictitious) — I’ve never understood the discrepancies between Blogger’s assessment of numbers and Google Analytics’ assessment of readers.
  3. Change is always difficult.

I suppose all I can do is keep writing and hope that I get my readers back again. I’ll post on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and see if that helps.

I’ll be honest — I don’t know how to promote myself. I don’t know how to get over the feeling that people shouldn’t really care what I’m doing. You can see how that idea lies counter to the whole philosophy of promoting oneself. That’s just one more thing to learn for the new year.

I know I have readers, performers, and artists reading this blog. (Or at least I suspect so). Can you let me know how you get over this?

Learning optimism

Speaking of anticipating good things happening , I’ve noticed that pessimists often call themselves “realists”, yet I haven’t heard optimists say the same thing. It’s almost as if, again, we expect bad things to happen and not good.

I’m trying to focus on good things happening — the good deeds of humans, the unexpected good thing, achievements and accomplishments, and so on. The things that spark gratitude and, thus, happiness. 

Being an optimist is not the same as descending into toxic positivity. I don’t chirp “Look on the bright side!” to people who are going through tough times; I listen to them. I don’t ignore my own feelings of hurt. I don’t choose to ignore the bad things in the world. 

I hope. That is the core of optimism — hoping for good things in the future. 

It’s hard sometimes. I worry that I am enjoying my white privilege. I deal with a pessimistic inner voice that tells me I’m just going to get hurt. I wonder if I’m fooling myself. 

However, I think I’m doing the right thing. Pessimism makes us ill and makes us unhappy with life. I hope to stick with optimism because it seems healthier.