Sleep can be a bad thing

I could be getting depressed.

Depression doesn’t start with a fall off a cliff into despair. Sometimes it starts with a desire to sleep and keep sleeping, a malaise, a disinterest in doing things.

Depression creeps in slowly. The long nap becomes the weepy day becomes the “it has always been bad and it will always be bad”.

I am prone to depression, especially at this time of year. I have bipolar II, which is a mood disorder that results in depression and hypomania. (Hypomania we’ll leave for another day; today is about depression). As I’ve said, one of the symptoms is sleeping a lot, and I slept most of yesterday away.

Depression is dangerous. When one gets to the point where “it has always been bad and it will always be bad”, suicide seems like a reasonable response. It is not, of course; it solves the problem but also kills the person.

I have been in dangerous depressions. They are fewer than they were because I am on good medication. But those don’t work 100% so I have to monitor myself for depressive episodes. Right now is one of those times.

Another Sunday Morning and a Little Romance

It’s another Sunday morning, and it’s dark and snowy outside. And cold, let’s not forget cold (1° F, feels like -14°). I didn’t want to get out of bed, but the thought of breakfast — French toast and turkey bacon — made me consider sentience.

So now I’m downstairs in a living room bundled up and drinking coffee and learning new tricks in WordPress (see that impressive drop cap?) while listening to the best of the Baroque.

Today I will write. More like edit the problem child of my years of writing, Gaia’s Hands. I have rewritten and revised this story so many times and have not been happy with it. This is another revision, as a fantasy romance, which I have been told it is.

I wonder how many of you have tuned out because I said the word “romance”?

Romance is the most denigrated genre of books, yet there are romance elements in so many genres. And yes, there are familiar tropes in romance — enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, reverse harem (woo!) — but there are in science fiction as well (cryosleep, generation ships, space pirates, and even interspecies romance!) I’ll admit a lot of romance is like eating popcorn — yummy, addictive snack food — but snack food sells because people eat it.

So, it’s Sunday morning and I’m going to edit a romance novel (and add more to it) today. And stay inside, definitely stay inside.

Followers

A big hello from me.

(Ok, I have found out how to toggle size on WordPress, so print is in more readable sizes for older folks like me).

Since I’ve migrated from Blogger, I’ve noticed I’ve gone from an average of 35 visitors to almost none. I can suspect the reasons are as follows:

Nobody knows I’m here yet, despite my sign on the old site
There were a lot of bots visiting me, and WordPress’s methods keep them out
My people don’t like the sign-in method of getting into my blog.
WordPress’s people count is inaccurate

I suspect it’s a combination of #1 and #2 with a sprinkle of #3 and #4. I will be putting another notice on the other blog with the new information.

So if you’re reading this, say hi!

My New Address

I’m now writing this blog on WordPress because I’ve had some troubles with Blogger. I wonder if I’ve done the right thing because:

I’m still learning the writing/editing system
I’m afraid that I will lose readers (real or fictitious) — I’ve never understood the discrepancies between Blogger’s assessment of numbers and Google Analytics’ assessment of readers.
Change is always difficult.

I suppose all I can do is keep writing and hope that I get my readers back again. I’ll post on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram and see if that helps.

I’ll be honest — I don’t know how to promote myself. I don’t know how to get over the feeling that people shouldn’t really care what I’m doing. You can see how that idea lies counter to the whole philosophy of promoting oneself. That’s just one more thing to learn for the new year.

I know I have readers, performers, and artists reading this blog. (Or at least I suspect so). Can you let me know how you get over this?

Learning optimism

Speaking of anticipating good things happening , I’ve noticed that pessimists often call themselves “realists”, yet I haven’t heard optimists say the same thing. It’s almost as if, again, we expect bad things to happen and not good.

I’m trying to focus on good things happening — the good deeds of humans, the unexpected good thing, achievements and accomplishments, and so on. The things that spark gratitude and, thus, happiness.

Being an optimist is not the same as descending into toxic positivity. I don’t chirp “Look on the bright side!” to people who are going through tough times; I listen to them. I don’t ignore my own feelings of hurt. I don’t choose to ignore the bad things in the world.

I hope. That is the core of optimism — hoping for good things in the future.

It’s hard sometimes. I worry that I am enjoying my white privilege. I deal with a pessimistic inner voice that tells me I’m just going to get hurt. I wonder if I’m fooling myself.

However, I think I’m doing the right thing. Pessimism makes us ill and makes us unhappy with life. I hope to stick with optimism because it seems healthier.

Your life could change in an instant — preparedness

“Your life could change in an instant.”

People always think of the worst when they say this — a dire diagnosis, a car wreck, murder.

It also means, however, that our lives could change for the better in an instant — a windfall of money, a job offer, a baby in the family. Is it a sign of pervasive pessimism that we can only think of the negative implications of the phrase?

Yes, I think people are born pessimists. I think it’s a survival mechanism, because without the belief that bad things can happen unexpectedly, we won’t prepare for them. Disaster preparedness (knowing where the fire exits are, packing a “bugout bag” in case of evacuation, having a plan for tornadoes) is a good example of preparing for the unexpected. Insurance is another example. Without the belief that one’s life could change for the worst, would people invest the time and money to mitigate the unexpected calamity.

But people have to prepare for good things as well, although we don’t think about it. If one wins the big lottery, one must have in place plans like investment, legal issues, and dealing with family members. An unexpected baby requires a reallocation of money. One can’t place the plans unless the good thing actually happens, but one can set in the first steps — finding a good lawyer and accountant, allowing for savings to mitigate the financial effects of a baby, agreeing to rules about how to deal with the surprise discovery.

The key is to anticipate possible events, both good and bad, and set things in place. There’s always an event that will surprise people, but setting in place the acknowledgment that surprises need plans will help deal with the unexpected — even the good unexpected.

Another pitch opportunity

I found out about #SFFpit on Twitter with two days to spare. #SFFpit is a pitching opportunity on Twitter for people who write science fiction and fantasy (hence SFF). “Pitching” refers to distilling one’s novel into three lines or less — shorter for an “elevator pitch”, longer for a pitch on Twitter.

This is the wonderful thing about Twitter — first, that I can get my work exposed to many agents on the Internet without being in the same room; second, that I can find out about it without having to remember to go to the website to check when a pitch exercise is happening. (Note: always go to the pitch contest’s website to find out their latest rules for pitching.)

I set up my pitches using a web app called TweetDeck, which is free and allows you to put in a series of pitches to be timed for posting throughout the day. So when I set up pitches, I put them into TweetDeck so I don’t have to go back and remember to post them.

So this is another opportunity to hope. I take all the opportunities to hope that I can, and someday I may have an agent!

National X Day

Today is National Dark Chocolate Day. Oh no! I have no dark chocolate in the house! I must go out and buy some!

According to this article, all those “National X days” are created by industries in order for us to buy more. Which doesn’t explain National Cat Day because there isn’t a big rush to buy purebred cats on that day. (I am convinced that National Cat Day (October 29) was invented by cats to get more treats, though.)

But do people actually go out and buy ice cream on National Ice Cream Day (July 18), or pickles on National Pickle Day (November 14), or avocados on National Avocado Day (July 31)? According to the above article, they do.

(Right now, my cats are trying to convince me that National Cat Day is every day, and that International Cat Day (August 8) is also every day and they get double treats).

Every morning, my husband announces the National Day of the day, which is how I know that today is National Dark Chocolate Day (today). I don’t really care if I’m being sold to; I just have fun hearing how ludicrous some of the candidates can be.

I’m not sure what behavior the keepers of the National Day Calendar are trying to support with National Grab Some Nuts Day (August 3), however.

Concentration music

Right now, I am learning that not all music helps me concentrate. The beginning to realize that “Apassionata” by Beethoven is not the relaxing Sunday morning adjunct to writing this blog. It’s waking me up, but it’s taking up too much of my attention. Dum dum dum dum dum dum DUM! on the piano seems to take over my thoughts.

When writing, I listen to a lot of concentration and focus music. It’s usually labeled as such in Apple Music, and it usually lives up to its reputation. The music features pretty even rhythms with no aggressive beats, a steady volume, and calm music without lyrics. “Study music” can range from Satie’s “furniture music” and Eno’s “music for airports” to modern ambient, modern classical, and lo-fi.

It’s easy to listen to, yet it’s not the “easy listening” genre found in grocery stores. It has musical merit with original tunes rather than sanitized versions of popular music. I would be distracted by easy listening, usually wailing with a certain “What did they do to this song?”

Concentration music seems to help put me in the zone, bolstering my writing without sucking my attention in. It’s not neutral; it actually helps me write. Richard seems okay with me playing this more relaxed music when I think he’d rather listen to Beethoven. I’m thankful that this music exists.

Right now I’m listening to Eric Satie, having given up on Beethoven. This piece is getting written. All is good with Sunday morning’s blog.

Breaking out of the idea-free zone

I have not a single idea today. Unless you want to hear about hot baths, or about coffee again.

What does a writer do when they run out of ideas? I can answer that for myself:

Talking to someone. My husband is a good person to bounce things off of, so sometimes he comes up with an amazing idea. (Sometimes he comes up with utter dreck.) Playing “what if” is a very good exercise with another person.

Writing exercises. I like just freewriting until I come up with an idea, usually with the topic (“What is going on with Josh,” for example) on the top line.

Meditating/napping. At my age, both seem to be the same thing. When I try to meditate, I sleep. But I do get help from my dreams.

Stepping back. Sometimes I lose ideas because I work too hard.

I could use more strategies if any of my readers have some. Reach me at lleach (at) classicnet.net