Heatwave

The high temperature today will be 100 degrees, with a 105 heat index. This means I’m likely not going anywhere today — no coffee shop stop, no morning walk, no visiting with people. I’m sentenced to involuntary indolence for the day

Here’s an (old) poem for your viewing pleasure:
Heat Wave in Rural Missouri
The sun burns sagging porches,
bleaching petunias and salvia.
The afternoon gasps its last.
From my window, nothing stirs –
I alone live, breathe.
Swooning,
I spy you strolling through a deluge of rain,
bearing me pansies and muguet,
your bowler and grey linen suit still crisp,
the last mirage before I fade –
Knowing I exaggerate, and my demise
is not imminent in this air-cooled room
does not detract from my reverie.
 .

Poem

Tell me a story
in a vaulted cathedral at midnight,
give me your story
as the flood roils down the creek,
tell me more
in a pasture turned minefield,
I’ll hold your secret
in the silence of the eye of the storm.

What I look for in Beta Readers

I need more beta-readers.

Before you all rush out to volunteer, here’s what I look for in a beta-reader:

  • First and foremost, the beta-reader should be willing to read a whole book, unless they find it so unbearable that they cannot finish. Then they should have the courage to tell me that and give specifics.
  • The beta-reader should be honest and specific. “I hate this book” may be honest but not specific. “It’s a nice book” is neither honest or specific. “I like this book” is honest (I hope) but not specific. “I loved finding out that X …” (no spoilers here) is honest and specific.
  • The beta-reader doesn’t have to be a copy editor or proofreader. If they want to point out the extra period on page 53, that is fine, but that’s not what I expect.
  • The beta-reader should focus on:
    • Readability — Are the words too big? Are the sentences incomprehensible? Does the book bog down in places? Does the reader get lost? Does the narrative “flow”?
    •  Characters — does the reader identify with the characters? Believe in the characters?
    • Plot — does the reader follow the plot? Is it confusing? Is it internally logical? 
  • Finally, the beta-reader should not be afraid to hurt my little fee-fees. As long as you don’t say “This is the worst book I’ve ever read” (which is not specific and hopefully not honest), I can handle it.
The benefits of being a beta-reader:
  • You will be named in the acknowledgements.
  • You will get a free autographed copy if I ever publish.
  • You will have read the book before anyone else has.
  • Although you will not get paid, you will have the satisfaction of helping make something happen.
Now, do you want to be a beta reader? Find me at lleachie (at) gmail.com

Perseverance

I’m re-editing Mythos (how many times has this been now?) on the advice of my current beta-reader (beta-reader #2 has gotten very busy and hasn’t gotten back to it). Most of what we’ve found are little mistakes I should have caught myself, contradictions (oops!) and awkward and vague sentences. I’m halfway through the book correcting these.

I’ve also rewritten a couple scenes to be more suspenseful, but as always, the big question comes:

Will agents like it as much as I like it?
Yes, I’m about to go through the rejection cycle again.

I know we’ve been through this before. I get excited, I send queries, and I get rejections. Why do I keep trying?

I guess I have perseverance. It might be one of my best qualities — not giving up. It may be one of my worst, as shown by the time I let a Siamese cat scratch me 28 times until I finally petted it.

So I’m probably going to resubmit Mythos soon, as well as the freshly renovated Voyageurs. Both have been rejected. I don’t know if I’ll have luck this time, either.

Richard has instructed me not to submit any queries until I’m over this dysthymic (low-level depressive) episode. I’m working on it.

Full of revision

Sorry I haven’t been writing much lately. My doc and I are working on getting me out of a minor depression, but that hasn’t kept me from being productive. I’ve been working a lot on revisions, with a goal of making the work stronger without running away screaming from ever writing again.

I have a variety of feelings when I edit:

  • How did I miss that?
  • Oh no, not again
  • How can I make this stronger?
  • I love this passage
  • What is keeping this from being published? (I never seem to answer that question)
  • Why did I think the world needed to see this novel?
  • Should I continue editing? Trying to get published?
  • What reasons might someone want to read this?
I suspect that, if I were in a more positive place, positive thoughts would take over. If I’m hypomanic, then I start thinking I’m a genius. (Hypomania is great for self-esteem until it’s not.) 
I love you and miss you all, whoever you are. 

My worst fear

“What are you most scared of?”

“This scene: I am at a party in a green, shady place. There are lawn chairs around in a big circle, and people are drinking tall cool drinks or, in my case, wonderful coffee. Many people have come, some bearing small bags.
“I come to realize that I’m the honored guest at the party. I’ve only been the honored guest twice in my life — my sixth birthday and my high school graduation, and few people stopped to either event. I think there are twenty people here, and I’m nearly crying. People here — for me?
“I mingle — after all, this is my party — and make sure people have enough to eat and drink. There’s a beautiful berry trifle and a cake and cookies and pitchers of ice tea and lemonade, and I didn’t make any of it. It was here, simply here, for us. I move through a sheen of tears. I talk in my own peculiar way, not asking about the spouse and kids, but asking what they’re doing, what they’re creating, whether it be scrapbooking or music or a pretty home or quiet for themselves. 
“Then someone makes me sit down in my chair, which they have moved to the middle of the circle. And each, one by one, comes up to me and gives me a hug and whispers to me that I am loved, that I am important. They hand me stars and hearts and flowers from the bags. They have scattered all over my chest, galaxies of shiny affection.”
“I want to run away I feel so uncomfortable. I don’t deserve this. Instead, I burst into tears and tell them, all of them, that I love them. And I hug all of them, fearing that this will go away as soon as I blink my eyes, that this will all be taken away from me.
“That’s why it’s my worst fear.”

the drought

It’s six AM, and I glance out the window at a grey morning. The evidence of last night’s rain clings to the pavement, and the sullenness of the clouds hopefully bodes for another round today. Northwest Missouri, like the rest of the state, has been facing drought, and any rain is welcome.

My country has been under a drought for two years — a lack of compassion, a lack of integrity, a lack of decency. And I look at it and see how little I can do about it besides point it out. The man who bears the title “President” has taken our thousand points of light and trampled them into the dust. And he is protected in his position by fear and greed, and by the fact that politicians, not we the people, have the only power to remove him.

How easy it seems to be for his followers to discount his words and actions. He tries on the trappings of fascism, and they say, “He’s just joking.” He attacks our allies (those who hold democracy dear) and lauds authoritarian dictators, and they say “He knows what he’s doing.” He locks children, separated from their parents, in holding pens and they say, “They were breaking the law.”

Those children, some newly born, were breaking the law.  Think about that. The law is more important than ethical violations, than morally evil actions. The difference between law and morality is that morality addresses the right action — above and beyond the letter of the law. The law is not always right — Hitler’s actions against the Jews were legal.

I am frightened. I am afraid this drought will kill us.

Looking for affirmations about writing/getting published

I’m trying to work up the courage to start the query process with Voyagers again, after having my beta readers go through it. I think I’ve done as much as I can with it without handing it off to a better writer to take it over. I still want to try to sell it as contemporary fantasy because it’s not sexually explicit and I like my sex scenes meaningful and not over-the-top horny.

So I need to stay positive. Like my beta Sheri Brown tells me, “it’s not if you get published, it’s when you get published”. I don’t do positive affirmations for myself very well, and in fact am my own worst critic.

I need you to help me with some affirmations or good words. There are several ways you can get these to me:

  • comments here
  • email: lleachie at gmail.com
  • Instagram: laurenleachsteffens
  • Facebook: lleachie
  • US Mail: 203 E. Edwards, Maryville MO 64468

Touching base

So, I’m taking a couple days’ writing retreat in southeast Kansas after the memorial service for Richard’s mother. Surprisingly, Pittsburg KS has one of the best coffeehouses I’ve ever set foot in. I’ve drunk a small nitro iced coffee (after two cups at breakfast at Otto’s Diner, so I’m really caffeinated!)

I’ve missed writing to you. As I said briefly yesterday, I finally finished my first draft of Prodigies — but that doesn’t mean I’m finished with it. It only means that I have something to tear apart in the second draft part. Is there going to be a sequel? Let me edit this one first.

Pretty soon I’m going to put Voyageurs back into the rejection cycle. At this point, I’m not sure I’ll ever be published, but I might as well model perseverence for other writers. What I really need to do is get more beta-readers and get information on how to fix the other books.

Beta readers for Mythos — haven’t heard from you for a while. Let me know how bad that book is messed up!

Other readers — want to be a beta reader?