Tag: anger

Contempt

What the overturning of Roe vs Wade comes down to — not protecting the unborn, not improving the supply of children to adopt, not any moral stance.

It comes to contempt of women. “How dare you sleep with me!” the voice demands of a woman, as if he did not sleep with her. “I should punish you for this transgression.” It is contempt for women that extends back to the tales that became the basis for the Garden of Eden.

I, for one, am tired of the contempt. And angry. I am angry.

Photo by Frans van Heerden on Pexels.com

I am not alone. Women are angry because of being marinated in this contempt all our lives. You, the individual man reading this essay, may not be one of the guilty parties. Women are still subjected to contempt as a low simmer.

I am hopeful of my anger. Compliance has not solved the problem — in fact, it increases the contempt I am exposed to. Maybe my anger will clear the way for resolution — or maybe it will foment a fight. Either way, I will feel the power of facing the contempt.

Day 31 Reflection: Forgiveness

Don’t forgive unless you’re ready to.

This goes against the common spiritual wisdom that we should be ready to forgive our transgressors, that forgiveness sets us free. Maybe that’s true, and we should forgive the person who cut us off in traffic. 

But there are hurts so deep, so debilitating, that easily forgiving them feels like self-betrayal. Forgiving betrayal, murder, assault — all these feel too heinous to forgive. And yet people clamor to tell the sufferer that they should let go, forgive. Often these people who press others to forgive have something to gain — family members of the violator, the church of the violator, the violator themselves. 

Withholding forgiveness gives a sense of power, maintains the anger that may be needed to recover. Anger is not evil; it’s an emotion. Righteous anger helps us see our value, helps us recover. (Rage, however, consumes us and it’s best not to play with anger until it becomes rage). 

There comes a time, though, when the anger holds us in the past, when we’ve grown beyond the hurt, we have found ourselves again. Then it’s time to forgive.

Day 28 Reflection: Wisdom

We are told that our elders hold wisdom (and having just reached AARP age, I certainly hope so). But at the same time, as people get older, many become more resistant to change. 

We are told that wisdom comes from experience, but some people learn nothing from their experiences.

How do we discern wisdom, then?

Wisdom doesn’t bubble up out of fear or anger, although fear or anger may make us reach for wisdom. It rises from the still pool at the center of our being.  It may goad us to act or ask us to wait, but it does so with a sense of what has gone before and a great deliberation. The answer it gives is grounded in humankind’s best nature, deep in understanding.

Do not mistake wisdom with the resignation of “things have always been this way”, or the self-righteousness of “things have always been this way”. Wisdom is not about preserving or giving to the past. Wisdom is about learning from the past and using it for advancing a life, a people, a world into its future.