I Found My BAG!

If you’ve been following me the past couple of days, I have been plotting my Big Audacious Goal. (Not a Big Hairy Audacious Goal, which is very corporate focused and jargon-y.) A Big Audacious Goal needs to be extraordinary, must challenge yet be attainable, and must push one’s self-concept forward.

My BAG fits all of those conditions for me. It’s a simple goal, but one that requires a lot of courage on my part. And the BAG is … attending one writers’/fans’ conference to sell my books.

This sounds like a simple decision for an indie writer, but it’s one I’ve been putting off for years. Why? Because it’s scary promoting my books in the Big Leagues. I don’t always have faith in my books, and I am afraid to fail. I have done two writers’ open houses at libraries, and at the last one successfully sold 11 books (which is big for me).

This would be a step up for me, perhaps even a big step. St. Louis has a big science fiction/fantasy con with book sellers. It used to have a writers’ conference but no more. Kansas City has a writers’ conference that might include science fiction/fantasy. There’s a big conference in Colorado somewhere that intimidates me.

Face it, these intimidate me.

That makes selling at a conference the perfect Big Audacious Goal.

The Seesaw

There’s nothing that motivates me as much as charging toward a Big Audacious Goal — except if that BAG is a publishing goal, and then I’m even more motivated. I’ve been spending three and a half hours a day for the last 3 days editing Apocalypse. I’m halfway through the book and all the way through my Camp NaNoWriMo goal. Just in time for the Fourth of July.

There’s nothing that threatens to tear me down as much as charging toward a Big Audacious Goal. A constant barrage of negative self-talk pummels me with all the reasons I should stop:

Your writing isn’t that good.
Nobody wants to read your writing.
Nobody cares about your writing.
Your work is too shallow.
It’s romantic fantasy — are you kidding?

It’s a quandry. Everything to do with publishing brings me out of whatever doldrums I’m in. It’s the payoff from writing and editing and re-editing and re-editing. But those questions. Is it worth making myself vulnerable to negative self-talk which may, in fact, be true?

I think it’s time to meditate. Or take a nap. Or something.

My Big Audacious Goal — Progress

If we consider my Big Audaciousness Goal (BAG) as publicizing twice a week, I’ve gotten a good start at it — two consecutive weeks. I won’t call it success until I’ve posted twice a week for three months, so it’s a good habit.

If we call the BAG querying Apocalypse, I don’t know if I have the heart to do that. I’ve gotten so many rejections from agents. I want to up my publicity game and self-publish that one.

Just a reminder that BAGs are written toward actions and not external results. “I’m going to get 300 readers” is something I have no direct control over, but I might have control over what will attract readers.

And there’s a thrill in and of itself to fulfill a big goal.

First off, welcome to day 5 of COVID. I anticipate being done with it tomorrow when I test again, and then I will be going to work with a mask. I could say I need more rest (who doesn’t?) but truthfully I need to get back into my routine and teach.

What I want to talk about today is my lack of a Big Audacious Goal. The lack of a BAG disturbs me. I have lived with them for years, and they have pushed me forward to do things I wouldn’t have ordinarily done. Writing my first novel was a BAG, as was publishing for the first time. I find BAGs to be ways to plan, carry out, and celebrate goals.

This year, all my goals are things I’ve done before, and I am struggling with them. Write a novel? I have three on the drawing board and I’m not getting any closer to finishing any of them. Publish more? Not at this point; I’d feel better with more readership on the current books. All goals, but not Big Audacious Goals.

I’ve called in my house expert on everything, Richard. He has suggested the BAG of doubling my online media posts with an eye to promoting myself. I like this. We’re even going to let me get an online account with Loomly to help me achieve my goal.

That was easy.

More Big Audacious Goals

Three weeks into the new year and I still don’t have a Big Audacious Goal. I have goals, but they’re not new and they’re not big. For example, I want to publish my latest Kringle book in October, after writing (almost done) and brushing up (a lot). Publishing one’s fifth book (or is it sixth?) or writing one’s eighth book is not a Big Audacious Goal. It gives some satisfaction, but not the explosive happiness of accomplishing a new thing, a Big Audacious Goal (B.A.G.)

I have not accomplished all my B.A.G.s. The big one I haven’t accomplished is getting an agent. I tried for years to get one with my best efforts. Supposedly, my books are too short, although I have never been told that. I have done many revisions of my cover letter and synopsis with no luck. Maybe my writing is not marketable. I hope not! This will not be my B.A.G. again; I have become accustomed to self-publishing.

So, I need a B.A.G. One possibility would be writing a different genre than I’ve written before. As I’ve only written Fantasy, Romance, and Romantic Fantasy (and a space opera serial with somewhat romantic leanings), I have some genres I haven’t touched. Women’s Fiction (a self-discovery based genre), straight Fiction, and Horror seem to be the next candidates. I do not feel moved to write those genres, so that’s not likely to be my B.A.G..

There are some I’d love to take up as B.I.G., but I don’t have the resources for them. Build a she-shed in the backyard? I even have a place for it. I just don’t have the $10k plus to get a drop-in retreat, nor do I have the know-how to build it from scratch. (If magazines are to be believed, I can cobble it together from wooden pallets and a reclaimed fuse box. I do not have the skills, or even the pallets, to do it.)

I need something that will take skills and effort, is theoretically achievable, and gives me a thrill when I’ve completed it. A thrill worthy of a celebration at the local Greek steakhouse. If anyone has ideas for a Big Audacious Goal, let me know!

My Big Audacious Goal

Choosing my Big Audacious Goal was difficult. I can define BAGs as much by what they aren’t as by what they are. I couldn’t choose little management goals as “getting better on my publicity game” (I will anyhow) or goals that don’t require a big learning curve such as “write another book”. “Write a vampire novel” would be a goal with a big learning curve, but it’s an example of the third thing to avoid, which are goals you really don’t feel moved to adopt.

I spent a couple days with my husband bouncing ideas off each other, which meant I usually rejected his ideas. This is a good thing, because it helped me define and constrain the Big Audacious Goal further. I almost chose his suggestion of writing a screenplay based on It Takes Two to Kringle, but I don’t think my talent in screenwriting will trump my utter frustration with the formatting.

Then, finally, my Big Audacious Goal came into sight, and it had nothing to do with writing. It concerns my other hobby, moulage, which is otherwise known as casualty simulation. Yes, I make people look like victims for training. I have created convincing (simulated) victims for mass casualty simulations, car wreck docudramas, hospital evacuation simulations, and more. I have gotten the nickname “Goddess of Gore” for my efforts.

One way to sculpt wounds is by using wax to create depth. The problem with that is that it can melt in warm weather, which is always. I can get around that by using airbrushing and a greater amount of shading.

That’s what I want to learn to do for my Big Audacious Goal.

I may fail. I may give it up. But at this moment, this is my Big Audacious Goal for the year.

Hope Springs Eternal or, Sisyphus Was an Optimist

Hope springs eternal.

I sent a query off to DAW Books, one of those other Big 5 publisher imprints that don’t require an agent. If my history with Prodigies is any indication, I should hear nothing from them in 6-8 weeks (they don’t send rejections if I understand correctly) and be done with it.

Why do I do it, even though my chances of being chosen for publication are small?

Because if I don’t do it, I’ll never know.

Because I’m the sort of person who tries, even if I fail.

Because I like to make things happen.

Because I’m an eternal optimist.

Because I think my writing deserves to be read.

Because I don’t want to be the one that gave up too soon on a dream.

Today’s the beginning

It’s February 28, and my Kindle Scout campaign is up and running! I myself am at the National Preparedness Institute, which is not nearly as impressive as it sounds. I’m setting up for moulage as you read this, possibly. This link should be live now:

https://kindlescout.amazon.com/p/250Q7OJ0R0F8W

But here’s the story again according to Kindle Scout (2018):

A book is a new, never-before-published work of 50,000 words or more that you’d like to see published. In my case, the book is called Gaia’s Hands.
An author is the person who has written and submitted a book to Kindle Scout. That would be me, Lauren Leach-Steffens, also the author of this blog.
Readers (that means all of you) scout the site and nominate books they want to see published.
Nominations are how readers show support for a book. Readers can nominate up to three books at a time. This is what I’m asking you to do.
A campaign is a 30-day scouting period during which readers nominate books to be published. Mine is from February 28-March 30.
The Kindle Scout team makes the final call on which books are published by Kindle Press. This will depend largely on how many nominations. This is what scares me, because it sounds like a popularity contest and I’ve never been popular.
Kindle Press publishes the books discovered through Kindle Scout. This is my goal — not for the $1500 cash advance, or royalties. I want to be read and enjoyed and maybe make people think. (Although I could get a new computer with the royalties, one that can handle graphics so I can map my landscapes using SketchUp without bombing the computer)

Foolhardy thoughts — repost. OOPS

I’ve gotten at least five more rejections since the last time I’ve mentioned it, and I’m contemplating something crazy — querying non-genre (i.e. literary/upmarket fiction) agents to represent me.

Maybe it’s the depression talking — “You have nothing more to lose. You might as well set yourself up for rejection and get it over with.”

Maybe it’s that a friend of my husband’s (a writer in the small-press horror genre) said I write too well for genre fiction. I don’t know if I believe him — I might, however, write too subtly for genre fiction.
Maybe, though, I write too subtly for any fiction.

I don’t think I stand a chance. I write about ordinary people rubbing elbows with preternatural creatures who together face supernatural warfare that is in some ways all too human. I write about the intersection of time travel and global warming. I write complex, imperfect characters who may not be human, with all that means. I don’t know if literary or upmarket wants to read that.

I’m still thinking, folks. I’m still thinking.

Wish me luck.