Daily writing prompt

What would you do if you won the lottery?

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My husband and I have put a lot of thought into what I would do if we won the lottery. (I’m assuming the big prize in the Powerball, even though we have less of a chance of winning that than getting hit by lightning.)

The first thing we would do is get a lawyer. There are things we would need to get in order before we came forth and collected the winnings, and the lawyer could help. Then we would also get an accountant, because the plan is to live wisely within our means and invest our money.

Once we got our money, we would not make any big decisions for a year. We would explore our options (Do we want to move to Canada?) and make a list. The hardest part would be not retiring for a year — ok, I would probably retire before the year was out.

Then, I think we would go on a nice vacation.

Daily writing prompt

If you could make your pet understand one thing, what would it be?

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I have three cats, one of whom is attached to me very strongly. Chloe loves to sit in my lap and get petted. She is sitting next to me as I write, chatting at me and rubbing up against my sleeve. I don’t know if cats understand love, or if their attachment to us is just self-interest, as we are the beings that give them food and pettings.

I want my cats to understand that I love them, even though I don’t know if this has any meaning for them. My cats are precious to me, even when I yell at them. I want them to know they’re important in my life, and that I will miss them when they’re gone. I want my cats to know I’m there for them.

My cats won’t understand that. But they do understand that I keep them in a cozy place where they don’t freeze in the winter, and that I feed and pet them, and they understand that they get positive attention when they sit in my lap or rub up against me. Maybe that’s enough.

Daily writing prompt

What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

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This is not the thing I enjoy the absolute most, but it is the most unexpected choice for this question, and it’s something I enjoy very much.

I enjoy sleeping.

The act of abandon, lying on a soft bed and surrendering to a state of altered consciousness, is a freeing action. The day’s tensions shut off, leaving only the awareness of dreams, themselves a revelation. Dreams are like surreal television, giving me something to think about in the morning.

Being able to disconnect for eight hours, a scheduled mini-vacation every night, blesses me with the stamina to get through another day. I smile in the morning most days, feeling rested. There are days I wake up and want more sleep, but I wait till the next night to climb back into bed and start my beloved sleeping.

Now and then this query comes up as a prompt on WordPress, and I think I answer it differently every time. My dream job at this time? Retirement. I’m 62, and I will work until 67; then I will retire. For the first time in my life, my dream job is within my reach.

What will I do when I retire? Probably write a lot; get up later in the morning, wear sweats all day. I would find a purpose and Big Audacious Goals, but I would not be going into work in the mornings.

I will take being retired seriously, as I do all my jobs. I will give relaxing my best effort. I will make sure I do a great job of relaxing.

When I was 12, my mother made a denim newsboy cap out of scrap jeans. It looked like this but slouchier because it wasn’t as stiff. I claimed it as my own, much to her dismay, because she wanted to wear it. She finally gave in, and I wore it almost everywhere but at school. I was a very fashionable little kid.

It was my companion for many, many years, having found its way to college with me. Eventually it got too threadbare, and I had to retire it to the garbage. “Eventually” in this case was when I was in my late thirties. So it’s been gone for a while, but it had a long life. 25 years. Especially when it was made with worn denim.

I miss that hat. A purchased denim newsboy cap does not have near the charm of my mother’s creation nor the workmanship, and maybe I’m at the age where it doesn’t suit me anymore. But if its twin showed up in my life, I would certainly buy it.

Daily writing prompt

What are your thoughts on the concept of living a very long life?

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Would I choose a long life? Only if it’s healthy. Would I choose a very long life?

I’m 62 years old, and I am relatively healthy. Not as healthy as I could be; my kidneys are slightly off from some medicine I used to take, and I have a slightly larger heart than I should. I have bipolar disorder. A few medicines keep me in good shape.

I could see myself opting for a longer life. I don’t feel like I’ve lived long enough at this age. I have things I want to do, like retire and write. A few more years would be nice. Thirty or forty? Excellent. A hundred? Let me think about that.

Would I still have a purpose in my second century? I don’t know that I could live without a purpose. And that would depend on how healthy I am. If I spent my advanced years sick and decrepit, I don’t think that I would like to live that long.

The answer to whether I would like a very long life is ‘that depends on how healthy I am, and whether I had a purpose.’

Daily writing prompt

What food would you say is your specialty?

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My cooking specialty is a Thai dish, and not a common one for restaurants. It is Nam Ya, a dish of fish in a light curry sauce, served over noodles with a decent amount of cilantro.

It’s easy to make. Put half a can of green curry paste, a can of coconut milk, and half a can of water into a pot, with a lime leaf, a squeeze of lime juice, a half-teaspoon of sugar, and a chunk of dried galangal to add flavor. (Sometimes I put in chopped cilantro stems because I love cilantro.) Add a good dash of fish sauce and simmer till the mixture is smooth, then add flaked cooked catfish and heat. Serve over rice noodles and top with cilantro.

To me, this is comfort food, good for when I’m getting over the flu or just have had a bad day. It’s spicy, mellow, and fresh-tasting. I could use some right now!

Daily writing prompt

Share a lesson you wish you had learned earlier in life.

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The lesson I didn’t learn until I was in my early thirties, that I wish I would have learned a lot sooner, was “Not everyone is going to like you, and you’re not going to like everyone.”

As a child, I wanted everyone to like me. I think this was because I didn’t get the feeling of always being loved by my parents. I had a very uneven upbringing, where my mother threatened me with abandonment as a form of discipline.

Everyone didn’t like me. I was bullied in school, not surprisingly, because I was so needy. It’s ironic, but the people who get bullied are the ones who need friendship the most. They are vulnerable, and bullies seek vulnerability.

As an adult, this need to be liked carried over. As a professor, this helped me get along with my students, but afraid to stand up to them. I did anyhow, somehow, but felt bad when they didn’t like me anymore.

Then one day, in a therapy group, I ran into a bully at a very vulnerable time. The therapist gave me permission to think sadistic thoughts about the bully. I didn’t go so far, but it was a shock to my system that I didn’t have to belly up in front of her and grovel till she liked me.

Later, a social worker told me “Not everyone’s going to like you, and you’re not going to like everyone.” That was probably the most important piece of advice someone has ever given me. I no longer try to ingratiate myself to people who dislike me. My life is a lot calmer and more peaceful. And not everyone has to like me. I’m okay.

Daily writing prompt

What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

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The best piece of advice I’ve ever received was in inpatient therapy at Brattleboro Retreat 30 years ago. This probably needs a bit of explaining.

I was in an inpatient program at a private institution called Brattleboro Retreat, which I understand was the place where some movie stars chose to dry out in the olden days. By the time I was there, it had quite a good reputation for helping women with complicated diagnoses compounded by sexual abuse history. That was me, with a marriage breaking up and sexual abuse issues.

One of the things I discovered was that the group I was in was a great place to recreate childhood playground traumas. I was bullied as a child; I was bullied as a participant in the program by other participants. This might have been because I spent nearly the whole time crying over breaking up with my husband, which might have had to do with depression (I was later diagnosed as bipolar, after all). But moreover, I tried to befriend the people who bullied me, a pattern from my childhood. I felt like I had to make everyone like me.

One of the social workers said to me one day in a one-on-one session, “You don’t have to like everyone and not everyone has to like you.” This was a revelation to me, because I really thought I had to be liked by everyone to be a good person. It’s not an exaggeration to say this piece of advice changed my life.

Brattleboro had a way of tearing the floor out from under people and then reminding them there was a safety net. It had us building a new foundation for life.

Daily writing prompt

If you had to give up one word that you use regularly, what would it be?

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If I had to get rid of one word I use regularly, the word would be ‘should’.

‘Should’ is attached to expectations, oftentimes other people’s expectations. Saying ‘You should’ projects my values upon another person more often than not. ‘Should’ seems to come with a certain amount of shame if one doesn’t follow it.

“Should I do this?” If I ask this question, the response from my husband will be, “I don’t know, should you?” And rightfully so, because what I need to do at that moment is an analysis of the pros and cons of doing the action.

‘I need to’ is a different phrase than ‘I should’. It is a statement referring to consequences of not doing something, which are experienced by the person. It takes responsibility for itself.

I should get rid of ‘should’. See how hard it is?