Tag: serenity

Dealing with the Meltdown

I had a meltdown yesterday

I had a frustrating day yesterday. Computing problems, a rejection, the realization that I have to do yet another edit on probably more than one thing. I admit, I had a high-stress meltdown. My husband watched helplessly as I put myself down, ranted at the computer, and became a frantic mess.

I pride myself on my stress tolerance, because I usually feel like I’m in control. I am, to a large extent, in control. That’s the way I see the world. And if I’m in control, then I can fix things. I wasn’t in control yesterday.

And I hated it.

Locus of control and its limitations

The state of feeling in control of one’s destiny is called internal locus of control. It’s a psychological term. The opposite of this is external locus of control, where one feels destiny, or fate, or God, or just bad luck rules the outcome of things.

Photo by Keira Burton on Pexels.com

Completion of goals is best when one has internal locus of control. That makes sense, because if one doesn’t feel in charge of their own destiny, why would they plan anything?

Entry-level psychology classes tend to simplify as “internal good, external bad”. But what about the cases where we don’t have control — the buggy websites, the computer crashes, the barfing cat, the husband falling down the stairs? (This literally was my yesterday).

An alternative when things go sour

This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in.

I tend to be Spiritual But Not Religious, but I appreciate the role of ritual. The Serenity Prayer, which may or may not have been written by Reinhold Neibuhr, is as much a mantra as a prayer. I prefer the short version, because the long version loses its mantra power:

God, grant me the serenity/to accept the things I cannot change/the courage to change the things I can/and the wisdom to know the difference.

I could have used this yesterday in the midst of my meltdown. Perhaps I would have yelled at my computer screen less (fat chance), or put myself down less. Maybe I would have performed better on my tasks. Maybe — no. I have no control over the past, so might as well not dwell in it.

To the reader

Have any of you had a meltdown recently? How did you deal with it?

Day 36 Lenten Meditation: Acceptance



At the risk of sounding cliche, I don’t think I can start this better than using the Serenity Prayer:

Lord, help me to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

In the time of pandemic, we have a lot we cannot change. We cannot change the fact that the virus is out there or how virulent it is. We can’t change that we’ve been put under a shelter-in-place ordinance. We can’t change the shortages in the stores.  All we can do is accept.

But we can change some things. We can plan our shopping to minimize our exposure to others. We can keep our hands clean and wear masks to keep from getting the contagion. We can take care of ourselves physically and mentally. We can spread love through social media. 

How do we know the difference? After all, there are people out there breaking social distancing rules, some of whom now have COVID-19 and are regretting their actions. Their bravado didn’t change the contagion. Some people are raging at the situation, which is the opposite of acceptance. Knowing the difference requires self-examination and the question “How?” How can my actions change the situation? How can my influence create a new path? If there’s nothing you can do, then it’s time to accept.