Misplaced guilt

My break ends

My break time is ending. I have meetings tomorrow and Monday, and then next Thursday is my first day of class next Wednesday. I’ve readied myself for the Spring Semester over the break, finished proofing and publishing a novel (Gaia’s Hands), and fixed another book via ProWritingAid.

Do you know what else I did? A lot of absolutely nothing!

And now for the misplaced guilt

Here’s why I feel guilty every year:

I haven’t spent every waking moment (and in fact have spent virtually no waking moments) working for Spring semester.
If I had children, I would spend a lot of time on them. Instead, I write and proofread and rest a lot. Even the Pope says I should get some children for a full life (This coming from a man who stayed celibate all his life? Ha!)
People don’t perceive taking care of myself with a mental illness (bipolar II) as legit as resting because of a physical illness (I know, I know, it’s just as legit, but I don’t always believe it.)

Enough of this

I have to remind myself that I am the primary earner of the house, plus I write novels on the side as a hobby, and I am going to need some rest. Plenty of rest. I might as well save my energy for tomorrow and Monday and all the days full of COVID and student requests.

Time to rest now.

Writing and Growing

I am going back to my garden preparation after a couple of years of sitting out. I’m also going to keep writing if inspiration hits me (which I hope it does soon) and promoting my books on social media. And of course, work my day job (professoring). I’m going to over-commit myself, apparently.

I’m buying seeds, which is followed by cleaning my grow room and organizing planting times. Today I’ll organize planting times; later, I’ll make my husband clean the grow room. (I know that using the phrase “grow room” makes it sound like I’m growing an illegal crop, but I assure you I’m growing strictly legal eggplant.)

My strategy here is that, if I remove my focus from writing, I will find the inspiration to write something new. This has happened to me in the past, usually when I’m at my busiest time at work. It’s uncanny how often it works.

And maybe if I put my focus on writing, Richard and I will weed the garden more. I know I’m being overly optimistic. We’ll see.

Happy New Year!

Happy 2022!

I have determined not to dread the coming of the new year or assume it will be better than 2020 or 2021 (but how could it be worse?) So I will look at it with cautious optimism and look at what I can control — what I do to make the best of the year.

My annual tradition

I have an annual tradition to make commitments for my year. I don’t do resolutions because they’re black-and-white: You keep them or you don’t. I prefer my method, which is to include the things I want to carry out in my life on the first day of the year. I have published my next novel, Gaia’s Hands. I have edited one of my works, eaten responsibly, organized some work for the beginning of the semester, organized my clothes a little, done a bit of cleaning … What do I have left? A few minutes on the exercise bike and a newsletter. Maybe I’ll do the newsletter first, which is how I generally feel about the exercise.

Here’s my hopes

I hope that beginning my year this way will keep me writing this newsletter. I have been struggling with it for a while. I would like it to be a part of my life, and I would like to reach you with it.

What is this TikTok thing anyhow?

I’m on TikTok. Yes, I have a TikTok. Yes, I’m old. Yes, I’m probably too old for TikTok. But I have these little books to sell, and anything that can help me do so is welcome.

Someone — a couple people — made obnoxious comments on my TikTok yesterday. The comments even included a reference to “WAP”. (And yes, I understood the reference. I’m not THAT old. If you’re that old, it refers to a really risque song by Cardi B whose lyrics I will not share).

When I get comments, they’re often not positive. Ok, the ones from my friends are, but the ones from the general public are often insulting or argumentative. I don’t know if it’s the nature of TikTok, the fact that I’m using it at 58, or something about me or my posts. I don’t answer the comments, because if I’ve learned anything in my old age, it’s ‘don’t feed the trolls’.

But what do you DO with TikTok?

I don’t really know what to do with TikTok. My mind doesn’t seem to work in a TikTok way. I don’t argue philosophy or eat plants from the forest or deliver speeches or do stand-up comedy. My stuff is like a fireside chat with a weird person. Here’s an example.

I guess what I need to do is find a niche. “Fireside chat with a weird person” probably isn’t a bad niche. But maybe a better one will come to me. I have to admit I come up with ideas about one minute till filming, which makes me a bit of an improv artist. A weirdo with a fireside chat, after all.

And I’m hoping for positive messages to outweigh the idiots who responded on my TikTok yesterday.

Long Time, No Write

Two months — are you kidding?

I apparently quit writing in this blog for almost two months, having made my last post on October 19th. I am a creature of habit, and when I lose that habit, I really, REALLY lose it. I apologize to my readers for such a long hiatus.

Where I’ve been

I’m doing well, although I’ve been busy. I went through a hard semester with my students. I published Kringle in the Night and wrote the first draft of It Takes Two to Kringle during NaNoWriMo. I put up Gaia’s Hands to be published January 1. Gaia’s Hands is romantic fantasy — or fantasy romance. I don’t know which one; it’s about split equally.

What I’ve learned

I’ve learned that I need to keep my routines so that I don’t lose track of the little things that connect me to the outside world. Like this blog and my Tik Tok.

I’ve learned that I need to be more forward in talking about my books. You do know that I have two published and one about to be published from the previous paragraph. I also have a space opera on Kindle Vella called Kel and Brother Coyote Save the Universe — of course, it has a romantic flavor.

What I want going forward

I’d love to share my books with you. I’d love you to share your books with me if you write. I’d like to make a space where we have good conversations.

Welcome!

Busy/Not Busy

New responsibilities at work

I’ve been moving into a period of more responsibilities at work, probably because I’m seeming more stable lately. I don’t mind, but I have to make sure I don’t a) procrastinate; b) overwork myself.

Balance

Work is a balancing game for me because of my bipolar disorder and because of my writing. I have office work to do today. And a meeting with a therapist. And part of my outline for It Takes Two to Kringle. Luckily I’m working at home today and I can get the work stuff done before I do personal stuff in the late afternoon.

The work unnerves me when I look at it all in one piece. Which, I guess, is a good reason not to look at it all at once.

Time for rest

I have to work on this one. I get plenty of sleep (this is necessary with bipolar) but I don’t always feel rested. I think a lot of this is psychological — when I’m faced with a pile of work, I fret about whether I’ll get it done, and that makes me tired.

I need to work on resting my mind, which comes from things like meditation, time management that includes free time, and sleep without dwelling on things. Empty mind, in other words.

Time to quit writing and do something

Yeah.

Staring It In the Face

Writers’ angst

I am not as popular as I thought I would be as a writer. Which means that my rank under Amazon’s system is close to the bottom. I don’t know if anyone has read my latest, Kringle in the Night, although I will also in my defense say it’s only been live for a week.

Promotion woes

I don’t know how to promote. I mean, I do, but not in a way where people actually pay attention. Every day? I can’t do that; my conscience won’t subject people to that. Every few days? I think I can do that, and it’s about time for me to do that. In the newsletter? I’ve got to write that today, don’t I?

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Writing and my future

I’m torn between quitting writing, writing for myself, and doing this same path with writing and promotion. I think if I get some positive outcomes I can certainly continue with the latter, but I need some good words to continue. Sorry for the bummer, but this is where I am at the moment.

Send good words and thoughts here!

A Writing Day (Hopefully)

I have a project to do today

I will once again be doing NaNoWriMo in November this year, and I will once again be writing one of my Christmas romances (working title: It Takes Two to Kringle). Today, though, I need to work on outlining the book so I have guidelines on what to write come November. The first book (The Kringle Conspiracy) I wrote without an outline, a process known by writers as “pantsing”. I loosely outlined the second book (Kringle in the Night), otherwise known as “plantsing”. I feel like the second book is tighter than the first, thus I will be outlining the new novel as well.

But first, motivate

I have been off writing for a little while because life got busy, and now I need to get back to it before NaNo or else I won’t write next Christmas season’s book. But I’m so undermotivated! I don’t know what to do to motivate — I could go out to the cafe, but I don’t know if I feel like it. I could play music on the stereo.

Honestly, though, what’s really stalling me out is feeling overwhelmed by the project at a time where I don’t have much energy.

Breaking the Impasse

If the task of writing an entire outline for a book today is too much, I can break the task down over a couple of days (perhaps five chapters a day) and promise myself a break at the end of those chapters. That way I don’t feel stressed and thus defeated by the task of outlining.

And if I really get into it, maybe I get it all done in one day!

So what are you procrastinating on lately? Let me know in the comments!

I’m Back!

A long hiatus

I’ve taken a hiatus from writing, especially writing this blog, because I have truly been burned out. I’m hoping to get back into the habit before I find myself no longer in the space to write.

What’s been going on.

Not much has been going on — I’ve given and graded midterms, done casualty simulation (moulage) for a major disaster exercise, troweling fake blood on volunteers. I’ve been tired at night and cozy in the early mornings.

I’ve published Kringle in the Night as of a week ago, and I think you should be reading it. A bit of romance, a bit of suspense, and Santa Claus. What more can you ask for? You can find it here.

This is the cover, for anyone who has forgotten:

I should mention I designed the cover to this and to my previous novel, The Kringle Conspiracy, myself.

What to expect from this space in the future

You can expect pretty much the same meanderings as have always been — tomorrow I suspect I will be trying to evoke feelings about fall (available now in the Northern Hemisphere; waiting for six months in the Southern Hemisphere). And I will try to write every day.

See you soon!

Lauren

Fighting Burnout

You haven’t heard from me in a while

I apologize. I’ve been neglecting my writing. Not just the blog, but the books, etc. I’ve been busy with work. I’ve been tired. I’ve had so many little things to arrange.

Or I’m just burned out. The ideas are not flowing. I’ve been devoid of good ideas. I’ve been discouraged by how little my books have been read compared to other people’s work. I’ve been frazzled by how much of my life has become promotion of books. I’m irked at how many writers look down on self-published authors like myself. Like there’s a pinnacle to reach and I will never read it.

I’ve lost the joy of writing

I’ve been actively avoiding writing lately. I avoid my current work in progress rather than staring at it. I avoid this blog.

I need to find the joy of writing again. I am thinking of changing gears and working on the next Kringle book, which needs to be plotted by November 1st. I need something to perk me up, to remind me that I’m a writer.

I have been here before; I will be here again. I just need to find the way out.