Who are the biggest influences in your life?
I met him on the stairs
in the hall.
I hadn’t seen him in forever,
wizened man, twinkling blue eyes.
He held his arms out
for a hug;
as always,
nothing could make life any better
than that moment.
He told me he ventured out to visit
his other family,
whom I had heard of
but didn’t know.
I watched him
Out the door, into the cold.
Only then, I remembered
we had buried him
years before.
Today I’m sitting in the one coffeehouse in Ottawa IL that is not corporate, Jeremiah Joe’s. It’s housed in a former department store building, so it’s a large space with tables and comfortable chairs scattered throughout. My spot is a little drafty, located close to the large display windows. I’ve put on my coat.
I remember Famous Department Store, whose name is still outlined in the entrance to the building. We didn’t shop here a lot while I was growing up, preferring the less expensive Sears and Montgomery Ward’s, and often the deep-discount Bel-Mill (pronounced ‘Bel-Mell’) in Marseilles (pronounced ‘Mar-Sales’). There’s my obligatory useless reminiscence, which I feel is part of my reward for living 61 years.
I’m drinking an excellent latte, which tastes of an espresso blend with some real character. It’s cloudy enough outside that I’m wondering if we’ll get snow. The forecast says no. Ah, well, no white Christmas for us, but there’s Christmas music on the sound system and lots of decorations throughout Ottawa.
In a perfect world, there would be a university here, and I would be teaching at it. I would live somewhere in Ottawa, where I would be close enough to Chicago to occasionally pick up a play or concert. It is not a perfect world, however, and I work at a university in a town that could a little rejuvenation and some more quirk. We certainly don’t have ‘Feminists Against Fascism’ in Maryville MO. Or an independent bookstore, an indie coffeehouse or the jewel of the state park system. (To be fair, Maryville MO has a Starbucks in the university library, which makes it exceptional for both Starbucks and university libraries. Maryville also has a city-maintained park which features cabins, fishing, and a hotel.)
Maybe Ottawa would not be as cozy to me if I lived here. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like Christmas here if it were something I experienced daily. Maybe the lack of Trump signs here lulls me into a false sense of security. But people are hugging in the cafe, and the baubles hanging from light poles downtown add a needed festivity, and Wal-Mart is not the center of the community.
Let me soak up a bit more of the atmosphere and find myself window-shopping downtown. I need to store it up to last me a year or so.
We made it to Utica/Ottawa/Starved Rock Illinois, and we are settled in for the next couple days. The cabin is the same one we’ve stayed in previous years, with a fireplace and a cozy atmosphere. The bathroom is a bit chilly to remind the occupants that this is absolutely a cabin.
Before we checked in, we wandered over to Ottawa to check out The Cheese Shop. It is actually a decent cheese shop and deli, and the lunch special was that specialty of LaSalle County — pork tenderloin sandwiches. The tenderloins here are thin and tender and crispy and bigger than the buns — all one wants in a pork tenderloin sandwich. Ottawa is decked nicely, and there’s a Kristkindl (sp?) market near the river that I wished I had time to wander. It will probably be gone by the time we get back Monday.
I am in the Great Hall at the lodge proper right now. There are massive wood tables and low couches in a rustic style that have to be over 50 years old, probably older. I’ve seem lots of hugs; families are gathering for Christmas.
This is the fireplace in the Great Hall. It is actually two-sided, but the other side is blocked off for a wedding or something.
There’s a little gift shop just off the lobby. It’s an eclectic blend of souvenirs, jewelry, t-shirts, and outfits for women of all ages certain age who shop. Not me, though; I’m pretty casual (and cheap). There are some flannel shirts I covet on one display rack and what looks like a big leather backpack which I really covet (but can’t afford). Ok, false alarm — the backpack is not leather.
There’s a young girl in flannel pajamas with her father who’s wearing his flannel pants as well, and a gingerbread house contest spread along a couple tables. I think the replica of the hotel wing of the lodge (Made by the Maintenance Department) wins, with the chalet in second place.
I’m supposed to write a romance novel about this place. I wish I had the guts to ask to tour the kitchen, because it’s part of the story. I do know, however, what commercial kitchens look like and how they operate, because I spent my college years in them as a prep cook and my thirties volunteering as a head cook for a soup kitchen.
I have discovered that there is a paucity of outlets in the Great Lodge and the cabin, but there are (or at least were) a bevy of writing desks somewhere on second floor of the hotel section that probably have outlets. I’m going to have to give up my scenic view before long because my iPad is down to 36 35% battery.
Maybe some more typing (I might actually write some of the story) and then a dip in the hot tub and a nap or enjoying the fireplace in the cabin. It’s going to be a relaxing Sunday for sure.
We’re on our way to Christmas vacation tomorrow!
I’ve spoken of this before — I’ll be going to Starved Rock State Park in Illinois, to spend five days in a cabin celebrating the season. The holiday comes with nearby Utica (‘North Utica’ according to the maps) and Ottawa, towns that have managed to not be too touristy despite their existence as a day trip out of Chicago. I often call Ottawa a great campus town without the campus.
The park (as you can see here) is scenic in the winter, with frozen waterfalls and canyons throughout. Hiking is a little hazardous without good boots, however, because sandstone bluffs are bad to fall off of.
The area has a good Christmas feel. The downtowns don’t have a lot of missing businesses, the streets are decked with lights, and last time we were there there were ice sculptures melting on each corner. They might have snow when we arrive there Saturday.
Ottawa is a great place to eat. Among our favorites are Lone Buffalo (a brewpub), B.A.S.H. (Upscale casual fusion — the name stands for Burger and Sushi House), and Sunfield Restaurant (breakfast). There’s also an indie coffeehouse called Jeremiah Joe’s. There should be more, but there are not.
One place we’re going to discover while we’re in Ottawa is the Cheese Shop. Yes, that is its name. It is, not surprisingly, a cheese shop and deli. I encountered it many years ago on a hike on the Illinois-Michigan canal path. I dropped off the path and ended up right at the Cheese Shop. But it’s hard to find, tucked over in obscure Ottawa side streets. I haven’t been there in, say, 20 years but it’s still there. They might have the famous Polancic tenderloin sandwiches (a local delicacy) for lunch.
There’s also decent window shopping in Ottawa and Utica. I’m not much of a shopper, but I love window shopping. There’s a decent bookstore in Ottawa; a winery in Utica, various little shops.
We’re going to visit my sister and her husband while we’re there. Not a lot, because my sister is more of an introvert than I am.
It should be a busy few days, but I expect some time in the cabin to watch the fire in the fireplace, or in the Great Hall to enjoy a bigger fire and people-watching. Hopefully some time to write, as my next Kringle adventure will take place there.
Happy holidays!
I would love a perfect spot for reading and writing. My space is not so perfect, being a corner of the living room, where I have a sofa laptop holder pulled up to a loveseat that rocks and reclines. It’s not the most comfortable, because I have to kind of hold myself in place while writing.
The ideal space would allow both reading and writing, and a sense of cozy privacy without being too small. The furniture would be a lot like the living room is set up now — a large recliner couch to read on with my feet up, and a loveseat that doesn’t rock set up with the lap desk. It wouldn’t need bookshelves, because I read exclusively on my phone. But the room would need to have a stereo and decent speakers for background music.
It would need a hot water dispenser for tea and coffee. I would make the coffee in a French press or maybe a Chemex. I would like a small refrigerator for cold drinks to complete the refreshment area.
To be honest, this is an awful lot like my living room, except for the clutter and the problem with the loveseat. Maybe I’m in the perfect place after all.
I really wanted the author fair to go better. But the weather was abysmal, and we only had about fifteen people come through. None of them wanted to read Christmas romances or serious fantasy romance, so I didn’t sell a single book. As I have been fretting lately as to whether I should be trying to market my books in the first place, I felt this was my message from the universe telling me to quit.
Then I got this urge to go to Starbucks with my husband afterwards, rather than going home to cry (I really did feel bad). There, I ran into one of the other authors, who had not sold any books either. We commiserated with each other and talked about what we knew was true about being an indie writer — the difficulties in finding venues to sell, the role of luck in getting recognized, and the need to just keep trying.
My husband and I went to Raku for ramen after that and ran into a young woman with whom I had a wild conversation the other day, about lots of subjects including writing as a way to get your feelings in order. She thanked me profusely for getting her back into writing.
So I think messages from the universe are present. As a Friend (Quaker), I have learned to listen for them. I don’t know what to credit them to — “The Universe” seems to have the least baggage attached to it. But I’m listening.
Today is the local author’s fair at the public library, and I am suffering from a severe case of impostor’s syndrome. This is new; normally I enjoy the author’s fair, given that it’s the only time I go out in the public and talk about my books. But this year I feel reluctant to do so.
It’s something I have been fighting for a little while, though. I’ve been wrestling with writing something new, I have been unmotivated, I’ve just been feeling blah about my endeavors.
It’s even more complicated than that, of course. I’m afraid of sinking (further?) into obscurity, and I’m equally afraid of my writing career picking up. I don’t want it to stay the same, either. I’m at an impasse where there’s a boulder on the road in front of me and a washout behind me.
Given all this, I would prefer my career to go forward, because that difficulty would come with a side of satisfaction, which is not as present in the other options. I’m all for climbing over the boulder somehow if I can manage it. There’s much I can’t manage in terms of promotion and the like; I am doing all I can within my time and money means. But I have a presence on Facebook, Threads, Blue Sky, and in this blog, and I send a newsletter to 2800 people. To torture my boulder metaphor further, what I need is a bolt of lightning to pulverize that rock so I can climb over it.
I guess what I want is for the effort to be worth it, because I’ve written 9 novels (plus one that didn’t survive) and I feel foolish writing another. If you have a moment for good wishes, wish for me to find a way over the boulder.
I have a bit of a reprieve from grading today, and I need it. Three classes plus an internship graded, one to go. And that one is coming in on Thursday, not Friday, so I will grade it on Friday.
Which brings me to the big event this weekend — our local library’s author fair. I sign and sell a few books there every year. It’s my experience to feel like a real author and talk about my books with people. It’s actually a bit difficult for me to talk about my books, because I have that midwestern female tendency not to want to “brag”.
If I ever get that lucky break, I’ll have to get good at talking about my books, because more people will ask. This would be a challenge for me, but a challenge I’d willingly accept.
I haven’t talked about my books in a while, and it’s an exciting season.
Kringle Through the Snow, my latest Kringle Chronicles book, came out on October 1. It is a Christmas romance involving Sierra DuBois, an energetic event manager and Wade Nelson, an affable engineer and nerd. They bond over his selection for the Chamber of Commerce’s first Annual Grinch, and his inclusion into Sierra’s highbrow charity ball. Sierra has a secret that very well may derail the relationship, and she runs away to hide it. They will have to weather some storms if they want to walk in the snow.
The other book coming out on January 1st is Reclaiming the Balance. This is the latest in the Hidden in Plain Sight series, which is either contemporary fantasy or magical realism depending on who you ask. In this story, Janice Wilkens flees Chicago by teleportation with two strangers who know more about her abusive ex-boyfriend than they should. At her refuge, Barn Swallows’ Dance, she finds out about the immortal Archetypes like her ex, and their half-human Nephilim offspring. While plotting for the return of her Nephilim son from her ex, she grows closer to Amarel, an androgynous Nephilim. A journey of transformation beckons both of them as they strive to remedy the collective’s prejudice against Nephilim and rescue Janice’s son.
Both book series have other books published. There are five total books published in the Kringle series: The Kringle Conspiracy, Kringle in the Night, It Takes Two to Kringle, Kringle on Fire, and the current publication. Hidden in Plain Sight series has three published: Gaia’s Hands, Apocalypse, and the upcoming Reclaiming the Balance. There’s also a published short story collection based on the Hidden universe, Stories Within Stories.
There are three upcoming books in the Hidden series: Avatar of the Maker, Carrying Light, and Whose Hearts are Mountains. Those are waiting to be published in the future. There’s also another short story book coming.
There’s also a standalone book waiting to be published, known as Prodigies.
Of course I would like you to pick up one of my books and read them. That’s what they’re there for.
My life, at age 61, has been calm. Big events have not happened this year; every day has been pretty much the same. I live a low-key life, and I think that makes up for when I was a high schooler and young adult and life was eventful with many events (some positive).
Events in my life are small now, with negative events like drained batteries and almost passing out (the latter a daily occurrence). Positive events are much the same; tiny things that get me through a day. Yay! I got through my least favorite class! Yay! It’s nap time!
There are two things I can think of that are major positive events. One is that I have gone another year without either hypomania or depression. Another year without throwing a wrench into the gears of my life. I can thank a good psychiatrist and good medication for that.
The other is that I have gotten Reclaiming the Balance through all the stages to publishing a book, from proofreading to cover to inserting it into the KDP (Kindle Desktop Publishing, I believe) system to be published on January 1. I didn’t think I would have the guts to publish this one, because the male protagonist is, in the most physical sense, non-binary.
As I said, not at all an exciting life. But overall positive with tiny little things and one big accomplishment.
Words Like Me 