The Right Direction?

Sometimes I get into those soul-searching sessions when I wonder if I’m doing the right thing with my time, whether there’s a better thing to do with my time, and what that better thing to do would be.

I think of this a lot when it comes to writing. I’m not tired of writing, but I feel like I’m slowing down a bit. It doesn’t help that I have two books I’m writing at once, one more than the other. I’m having a problem with only being able to write smoothly at Starbucks and not at home. I’m not sure what the focus problem is, but I think the low-level distraction of a coffeehouse helps me write.

I’m also dealing with the scourge of writing — the nagging little voice that tells me all I write is crap. It’s quite persistent. It’s killing my joy and distracting me.

On the other hand, writing is my favorite flow activity. It occupies my mind better than few other things. I can lose time while writing; it’s almost hypnotic. My other flow activity is moulage, but I really don’t get too many opportunities to do that. And I don’t know if there’s anything to pass my time that I enjoy as much.

I want to hang on to writing; I want to continue being a writer. I want to sell my work and have others read it. I’m going to have to find ways of overcoming the problems.

Me, before I got old and needed a full night’s sleep:

Three Good Things

Three good things.

This is an exercise I give my students in personal adjustment (positive psychology) every year. For a week, find each day a good thing that happened. Note it, then explain why it happened to you.

I feel like doing it today.

Thing 1: I got to work and there was a parking spot in the closest lot. As it was noon, this was a big thing.

Why it happened: because I didn’t wait till the absolute last minute to get to work.

Thing 2: I got a little quality time with Pumpkin

Why it happened: Because we adopted Pumpkin off someone’s porch and give her love and pets.

Thing 3: The weather is gorgeous.

Why it happened: Probably global warming. Not so good. But I’m enjoying the weather, because it’s supposed to drop to the 30s tomorrow.

Maybe this will help me appreciate the little things!

Little Things

After my somewhat cranky post of the other day, a friend of mine suggested I look at the little things rather than wait for something momentous to come. And she was right. Big things don’t come into our lives too often; smaller sources of joy visit us regularly.

For example, this same friend gave me an emotional support pickle. It lives in my office. It looks like this:

The emotional support pickle really helps on stressful days. (Sometimes every day is stressful.)

We’ve been having unseasonably warm weather with highs in the 50s and 60s. Surely that’s a little thing to be happy about. And having four cats, four weird cats. The posters in my office styled from two of my book covers.

I love shiny new happenings. Who doesn’t? But there are always little things to cheer me, to get me through.

Dull February

It’s still February, and I could use a change of pace.

When I was younger, I would wish for something weird to happen when I felt like this. It didn’t happen as often as I wanted it to; I don’t know what made me so much of a drama queen back then.

I understand the sentiment, however. My life has become predictable, tedious, and dull. To work and then home. Eat at A&G on Friday (it’s Greek Night, of course). Work, writing. Sometimes I go to Starbucks to write.

Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on Pexels.com

I would like something unpredictable (in a good way) to happen.

Are there good unpredictable things that happen? Or are unpredictable things only tied to dire diagnoses and loved ones dying (neither of which I want)?

Am I just asking the universe for a cosmic cookie? And what’s the problem with that?

Spring Break comes in just two weeks (and a day). Maybe I’ll be able to find a change of pace then.

A Touch of Darkness

I shy away from writing about dark subjects in my blog. It’s strange because I’ve had several dark times in my life. I don’t want people to think I’m pandering for attention, even though the reason writers post their works in the first place is to get attention.

I won’t write dark for dark’s sake, nor will I use gratuitous trauma as a shortcut to character development. Yes, someone’s past will contribute to their character. But I won’t use trauma as the only character trait or even the main one, and only if it’s pertinent to the story. (See also the “fridging” phenomenon—killing a girlfriend character to motivate the main male character.)

Writing about dark topics in my stories is something I must work my way up to every time. For example, the body count in Apocalypse. I had trouble killing anyone, but a developmental editor told me that the last battle had to look hopeless, so I killed eight characters. I also, ironically, edited that book for gratuitous darkness because I had tried the cheap way to make it darker.

Sometimes an entire book is dark. Carrying Light, one of the two I’m currently writing, is a dark novel, being that it’s written at the cusp of the collapse of the United States. Apocalypse is dark, because the fate of humanity hangs in the balance. But it was hard to write these dark enough at first.

In the end, I think darkness needs to balance light. That’s just me; I know there are people who write dark all the time, with lots of death, depersonalization, and alienation. I can’t write there, because all my writing adopts a quote from ee cummings: “The single secret will still be man.”

I Long for Longyearbyen

One of the things on my bucket list is to spend a little time in Longyearbyen, Svalbard, Norway. It is a town within the Arctic Circle, the northernmost settled town in the world and one which has 24 hours of daylight in summer.

These are why I want to go there, to be as far north as I can get and to experience a 24-hour day. The wildlife nearby would also be an experience, but I would have to carry a big gun and I don’t think me with a gun is advisable. Maybe there are group tours?

Polar bear warning signs in Svalbard, Norway

I suspect there’s not a lot to do in Longyearbyen. That doesn’t bother me, because I want to be involved in writing for at least some of my time there. There is a cafe there that looks like a great place to write.

Longyearbyen is on my bucket list. Not Hawaii or Paris or England (unless I can visit the Shetland Islands), but Longyearbyen.

A Shooting Close to Home

Yesterday, the news hit close to home. A shooting at the Kansas City Chiefs (American football) Superbowl celebration at Union Station in Kansas City. 23 shot, including children. One killed.

I live 95 miles away, which means the shooting isn’t that close to home. But it is. Union Station is a landmark in Kansas City, a grand building which hosts exhibitions which have commemorated Van Gogh and the Holocaust. It’s a gathering place along with its nearby Memorial Hill and Liberty Memorial Tower. I have been there, eaten at Pierpont’s, and taken a train from the station to Hermann for my honeymoon. Never have I felt unsafe there.

The first I heard of the shooting was the messages on Facebook: Kansas City friends, please report in. Are you okay? And the reports came in, from friends and friends of friends: We went over the fence. I heard a series of pops and we ran. I was right in front of where it happened. I don’t know what to tell my kids.

23 shot, including children. One killed.

And then, the frustration. Thoughts and prayers become suspect, because the prayers we need are for people to do hard work to solve the mass shooting problem. The thoughts we need are for solutions. It’s going to take both pro- and anti-gun sides to do the work because that’s how we work in the US. Instead, we see finger-pointing and recriminations and the shrugging of shoulders because we can’t find any way to solve the problem of mass shootings.

I am a pacifist, so I sit on the side of fewer guns in the US. But I also believe that a way can open for us to find the solution, even with vehemently opposing sides. And my thoughts and prayers will go toward a way where this can happen.

Valentine’s Day Cute

I have mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day.

On one hand, I think it’s cute. I like hearts, and pink and red. I like seeing my friends get mushy. It’s enough to give me an “aww” attack!

On the other hand, the day and its sentiments are so indoctrinated into the population. Starting with children, whose valentines signify a popularity contest that leaves many children hurt. Then growing up, they as adults experience that loneliness again if they’re single. And, if they’re in a relationship, they face the ever-building barrage of messages of what they should be giving their sweethearts for the day.

I suspect we can’t have the cute without the indoctrination; we all have to use the holiday imagery to feel like we’re part of something. So I’ll go back to the cute.

Note: This is not me or my husband. It’s just cute.

How It’s Going Book-wise

Kringle Through the Snow is going pretty well. I keep writing on it, and it’s lively and fun. Sierra and Wade are about to have a nice evening analyzing The Grinch. And sitting next to each other on the couch because Shadow Lord, the immense Newfie, will take up the rest of the couch. Shadow Lord has an agenda.

Carrying Light is languishing in the bottom of my To Be Written pile. I just don’t know why that isn’t flowing, except it has nothing to do with characters. I don’t think it is plot. It is picky little details, like “Where is Janice going to work if the gift shop is no longer open and she’s getting no orders for pottery?” I feel sorry for Janice, but the collective can’t fix that problem for a while, for the good of the plot.

Okay, one book at a time, 750-1500 words at a time. I’ll finish the Kringle book first, then worry about Carrying Light. Oh, and fix the other book, the one I want to publish in December. Who, me busy?