Dealing with the Meltdown

I had a meltdown yesterday

I had a frustrating day yesterday. Computing problems, a rejection, the realization that I have to do yet another edit on probably more than one thing. I admit, I had a high-stress meltdown. My husband watched helplessly as I put myself down, ranted at the computer, and became a frantic mess.

I pride myself on my stress tolerance, because I usually feel like I’m in control. I am, to a large extent, in control. That’s the way I see the world. And if I’m in control, then I can fix things. I wasn’t in control yesterday.

And I hated it.

Locus of control and its limitations

The state of feeling in control of one’s destiny is called internal locus of control. It’s a psychological term. The opposite of this is external locus of control, where one feels destiny, or fate, or God, or just bad luck rules the outcome of things.

Completion of goals is best when one has internal locus of control. That makes sense, because if one doesn’t feel in charge of their own destiny, why would they plan anything?

Entry-level psychology classes tend to simplify as “internal good, external bad”. But what about the cases where we don’t have control — the buggy websites, the computer crashes, the barfing cat, the husband falling down the stairs? (This literally was my yesterday).

An alternative when things go sour

This is where the Serenity Prayer comes in.

I tend to be Spiritual But Not Religious, but I appreciate the role of ritual. The Serenity Prayer, which may or may not have been written by Reinhold Neibuhr, is as much a mantra as a prayer. I prefer the short version, because the long version loses its mantra power:

God, grant me the serenity/to accept the things I cannot change/the courage to change the things I can/and the wisdom to know the difference.

I could have used this yesterday in the midst of my meltdown. Perhaps I would have yelled at my computer screen less (fat chance), or put myself down less. Maybe I would have performed better on my tasks. Maybe — no. I have no control over the past, so might as well not dwell in it.

To the reader

Have any of you had a meltdown recently? How did you deal with it?

Years of growth

The background

Three years ago, I sent a manuscript to a major publisher who took direct submissions (as opposed to only agent-pitched works). I was optimistic about the manuscript, as I am always optimistic while sending manuscripts off.

I shouldn’t have been, I guess. Three years later, I received an email from the editor, form letter, that said they rejected the manuscript.

Three years later! I forgot I had written them. I don’t remember what manuscript I sent them!

Gratitude

I am grateful for the rejection. It wasn’t the nicest or most personal rejection I’ve gotten, but it is by far one of the best. Three years ago I wasn’t as good a writer as I am now. I have learned much in those three years and improved my manuscripts with the help of developmental editors and re-edits. Looking back, I wouldn’t have been proud of that document if it had been accepted.

So I will try again with another book (if I can figure out which book) and a new cover letter and send them another, if I can bear the three-year wait time. Ok, maybe not.

Catch me in the comments

What’s the best rejection you’ve ever had?

Today I Will Do Nothing

A productive day yesterday

Yesterday I had a very productive day. I brainstormed two short story plots, a novella plot, realized that I might have another novella plot, considered the half-novel’s other half, and generally had fun brainstorming.

I think I have work to last me the entire summer and then some. Add that to sending out Gaia’s Hands to beta readers and eventually publish it on Amazon … it’s going to be a busy summer.

And today — nothing

Today I want to do nothing. Listen to my favorite music (Singer-songwriter music — can you tell I’m a Boomer?) and lie on the couch talking to my husband.

Not likely to happen

I know myself well enough right now that nothing is not likely to happen (pardon the double-negative). I was made for motion, and there’s a computer to tempt me into some sort of work.

I get my naps in the afternoon, and that’s enough for me to rest my mind and go on to the next thing.

What are you up to?

What are you doing this weekend? Let me know in the comments!

Looking for the World of Dreams

Lately my life has been too many words.

I work with words all day, and especially here in the summer, when I don’t have much else to do. I have been working on several projects, putting the words into place and polishing them up. Short stories, novels, cover letters — all have been revised. But I am weary of words; they’re not inspired at this stage.

Words and Dreams

Inspired words have to come from somewhere. In my case, they come from dreams and daydreams. The realm that is illogical. I dip into that realm, find the inspiration, and use that thought and the energy to influence building out the dream into something readable. This is why I write fantasy instead of, say, historical fiction.

I haven’t had any of that kind of inspiration lately, and it shows. All I have been doing is revising, the brain work. No aha reactions, no warm feeling of having a scenario in my head (in my case it’s in words, not pictures, because of my aphantasia.)

A wake-me-up

A fellow writer in a writer’s group has assigned me to people watching at the cafe, listening to some good music (in my case, either ambient or singer-songwriter compilations). I think I should take notes away from the computer, preferably with my brass Kaweko Sport fountain pen. And I shouldn’t think about what I should write, but see where the inspiration hits me. Hopefully short stories and poems, because with 7 novels and one to be revised and added to, I probably have more than enough novels to consider publishing.

So that’s my plan for this afternoon.

Momentum

I feel like I’m finally moving forward.

I’ve been working hard these past few weeks on all things Gaia. It’s been a fruitful week, with 320 new friends on Tik Tok, 25 people on my mailing list, and a handful of beta-readers and ARC readers for Gaia’s Hands. This might happen — I may get a book out in August.

Is there an addiction to accomplishment?

I think I’m addicted to accomplishing something. I know this is a typical drive for people, but many people get this accomplishment by doing crossword puzzles.

Artists and writers get this sense of accomplishment by creating things. Getting them out there for people is often secondary to actually making the artwork or story, and in fact many creatives (including myself) cringe at the marketing part.

When am I going to slow down?

I will have no choice but to slow down next week. Because of the end of COVID, I finally will be able to go to one of my favorite retreats, The Elms, to have a spa vacation/writing retreat. Mostly spa vacation, because I have much of a day to get a massage and spend time in saunas, hot tubs, and steam rooms. All in all not a bad way to relax.

Am I manic yet?

I don’t think so. Every day I take an afternoon nap and I get 7 hours of sleep a night. Those are not the signs of a manic swing. I have to worry about this because mania and depression are part of my life. Things I watch for:

Lack of sleep
Elation
Horribly painful crushes on people
Irritability
Starting up a whole bunch of new projects

Don’t worry — I’m keeping an eye on me.

Slow Down, Little Doggie

I feel like I’m going too fast

I have been working 8 hour days on my book marketing and writing from 6-3 (with time for lunch), taking occasional breaks to answer student emails. This is a lot of work, and I feel productive. But I realized yesterday that I am missing necessary steps in getting this novel self-published.

It’s had a dev edit and complete revision, but it needs:

Another pass with a fine tooth comb.
A reload into Atticus (or Scrivener depending on which version I edit)
If I like what I see there — beta readers. If not, return to step 1
ARC (advanced reader copy) readers
Finally, publishing.

Reining myself in

Obviously, I need to slow down, and my book won’t be out by July barring a miracle with readers. But at least the book will be good.

Self-publishing Another Book?

Nothing for the summertime

With me publishing Christmas romances, I have nothing to attract people in the off-season (that being from January-October). I’m still dreaming about being professionally published, but I do have a fantasy romance/romantic fantasy book I could get going pretty quickly The name is Gaia’s Hands, and it’s a prequel to a three-book (or more) series I have already written.

Working with a talented artist

If I publish this on Amazon, I have to come up with a cover. Because this is a fantasy, my idea of the cover was impressionistic, and the elements it needed to have were fire, apples, and protagonists in shadow.

Luckily I have a talented artist close by — my niece Rachel. She has her own style and usually draws very goth-esque designs, but I saw one of her pictures that cemented the deal in its similarity to what I was looking for.

The picture is going to be different than most romance novel covers, although I think it’s fitting for fantasy.

I’ll show you when it’s done.

The novel blurb: First glance

Jeanne Beaumont, a plant scientist, feels uneasy about the growth rate of the vine in the corner of her research greenhouse. And then Josh, fifteen years younger, comes into her life with his mysticism and his obvious feelings for her.

Josh Young, English instructor, devotes himself to his writing, his aikido, and his practice of Shinto. And, when he sees Jeanne Beaumont in a vision standing naked in a voluptuous garden, he devotes himself to her as well, even though he feels he’s too young.

Jeanne and Josh discover Jeanne’s powers even as a malevolent force threatens her career and Jeanne’s misgivings about her age tear them apart. But the project of her lifetime throws them into the final confrontation with her shadowy adversary.

Tik Tok

The late night television of the Internet

I’ve just discovered Tik Tok — not surprising because the demographics don’t skew toward Boomer. Tik Tok is strange: filled with amateur vignettes from funny to bizarre to serious, none more than a minute long, it feels a lot like late night television, viewed in a dark room, with lots of infomercials and public service announcements.

The metaphor held when I realized that most of the hits to my posts happened at night. So Tik Tok is an entire community of people watching late night television, and this is what unites them.

My foray into filming

My reason for going into Tik Tok was to film promos for my book, The Kringle Conspiracy. I had been advised that promotion should only be 1/4 of one’s output, so I’ve had to film funny pieces in-between. And I’m falling in love with Tik Tok, it turns out.

I generally film myself on my computer or, when I can get my husband in on things, he films me on the iPhone. Then I edit using a silly little video editor named Crazy Video Editor. I use this, even though it’s a little buggy, because it allows me to put in thought balloons and other effects. I would like a program with even more features to let me be even sillier, but I haven’t found it yet.

I try to film every day — a quick minute or so followed by a few minutes of editing. My films are not hi-def or expertly filmed (there are some limits to the front-facing camera in a computer and inexpert lighting), but they’re fun and that’s what I’m going for.

I have had modest success. In less than a week I have 235 followers and some comments.

To find me on Tik Tok

Just find me at @lleachie. Hope to see you there!

Social Media Platform

Why do I need a platform?

I’m a writer. I want to sell my work (even if it’s just one book right now). Even if I get traditionally published, I’m going to need to promote my books, because traditional publishers can provide good book placements but limited advertising. Social networking over social media might even have an advantage over traditional marketing.

Toward this end, I am building social platforms. I started with facebook and Instagram, which I was already using for personal use. And, of course, this blog, which used to reside on Blogger but moved in. (And if you’re interested, all the back material has been transported here.) Very recently, I have had Tik Tok recommended to me, and I have a tiny bit of a presence there. Twitter — there is a #writingcommunity on Twitter, and they are loyal to each other. I have almost 5000 followers there. And I follow a romance writing group on Discord, which is where my freshest information comes from..

Facebook, with its groups, has been the most useful of the social networking sites, largely because of writing groups like Romance Writers Support Group, followed by Discord. As far as selling books go, not so good because having social media doesn’t sell books.

Having social media means making social connections. Making social connections sells books.

My next steps

I’m currently working on my next steps, which concern writing and sending a newsletter. This requires having a page where they can sign up for the newsletter and get a free “reader magnet” (a story; it’s the enticement) and a website that will take care of automated sending of the newsletter. This requires two websites I’m learning: MailerLite (the app that automates the newsletter sending) and Bookfunnel (which entices people to getting your newsletter by offering the reader magnet.

So I’ve had a huge amount to learn in a couple days. Today I will be working with promotions for my newsletter. Wow. Two days ago I didn’t intend to have a newsletter. Five days ago, I didn’t have TikTok.

Speaking of newsletters

You’re probably not a romance or fantasy reader, but if you are or just want to connect, join my newsletter list HERE.