Direction

Daily writing prompt

What gives you direction in life?

What gives me direction in life? This is a harder question than it seems, because there isn’t one succinct answer.

On work issues, what gives me direction is what needs to be done. There is a cycle of grading, classes to be taught, topics to cover, research to be done, etc. That determines the direction of my work.

With leisure time, several things influence the sense of direction. One big thing is goals. I have small goals and Big Audacious Goals. I have not had a Big Audacious Goal in a while, which is part of why writing has been so hard. Another is my energy level — if I have little energy, my sense of direction points toward rest above anything. Finally, there’s a tug between established routine and emergent wants — do I go to Starbucks to write or start working in the garden?

I wish I could say some divine force gives me direction. I don’t know if I believe in God, although lately I have been praying. I pray that I get done the things I need to get done. But it still doesn’t help me get to the garden tasks.

Living by The Four Agreements

Daily writing prompt

Do you have a quote you live your life by or think of often?

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Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Don’t Take Anything Personally.
Don’t Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.

These are the Four Agreements, from the book written by dom Miguel Ruiz, and I live my life by these.

Being impeccable with one’s word, to me, means not to speak unless one can speak truth. When we lie, we do not speak truth. When we say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no’, we are not speaking truth. When we say negative things about ourselves or others, we are not speaking the whole truth.

Not taking things personally is exactly that — realizing that when someone says something, whether negative or positive, about you, they are speaking about their view of the world. They are speaking about themselves.

Don’t make assumptions — this, to me, is the easiest one to understand. I teach it in my case management class when we talk about clients, especially cultural diversity. Ask for clarification. Observe the other. Be careful to distinguish between facts and assumptions.

Always do your best. I make it a point to do this, understanding that my best during times of stress and distress is not the same as my best during good times. I can rest knowing that I did my best.

I know that The Four Agreements are considered New Age wisdom, and I reject a lot of that. But these four rules make so much sense in life and have made me a much calmer, more empathetic being.

My First Time Camping

Daily writing prompt

Have you ever been camping?

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My first time camping was in college. I had gone with a friend of mine to Illinois Yearly Meeting (an annual meeting of Friends, or Quakers). Lodging at the Meetinghouse was primitive, rustic two-person dorm rooms. My friend Joan and I decided we would camp in the camping space across the road from the Meetinghouse.

Joan and I put up the tent (not a fancy one like we have nowadays) and we spent the day in activities. The tent was still standing by bedtime, which was a good sign. When we settled in, with our belongings tucked around us, it was a crowded time in the tent and we were tired. Not too tired to notice that my head lay on a tree root.

It stormed all night. Illinois thunderstorms are particularly resonant, so I couldn’t sleep very well. I finally fell asleep after the storm quit. Scant hours later, I woke at dawn, and noticed my air mattress was … floating.

“Joan?”

“Mrrph.” Joan was not a morning person.

“Joan? I think the tent flooded.”

Joan jumped up, and we assessed the state of the tent. Yes, it had flooded at one end, as had the entire campground. We were surrounded by dismayed people noticing that they, too, had taken water in their tents.

Joan and I did the only thing we could — we busted up laughing. We sorted out our clothing (mostly dry) and hung our tent and sleeping bags in the tree to dry. Needless to say, we slept in the dorms that night.

That was my first time camping. The fact that I’ve camped more than once is a testimony to my perseverence. Or my short memory. One of those two.

A Morning Person

Daily writing prompt

When do you feel most productive?

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I feel most productive in the mornings. I wake up at 5 in the morning, sit in bed reading for 20 minutes, then get up for the day. Then I eat breakfast, write this blog during coffee, and by seven-thirty am ready for the workday.

My mind is at its sharpest from seven till about 2 PM. By then, I’m not what I’d call productive. I get most of my work done in the morning, and teach classes in the early afternoon. By three PM I’m ready to take a nap, although I’m not done until 5. My productivity is just not very productive in the late afternoon.

In the evening, I rest. I go to bed by eight, because I’m a morning person.

Publishing — A Risk I Don’t Regret

Daily writing prompt

Describe a risk you took that you do not regret.

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Indie-publishing a novel was a risk. Writing it was a Big Audacious Goal, but I could have left the book in a file folder forever. Letting it out there for people to read was a big risk.

What is the risk of putting my work out there for others to read? There’s a risk of being ridiculed, of being ignored, of losing one’s confidence in oneself. These bring up a lot of fear, like standing in front of a door, not knowing what is on the other side.

I took the risk by walking through that door. My first book published was a Christmas romance, The Kringle Conspiracy. It was a project whose seeds were planted in a high school short story I’d written. To publish, I had to edit the document, run it across some beta readers, and then the hard part: uploading it onto KDP (Kindle’s publishing arm) and hitting the button to publish.

I could have walked it back. I could have unpublished it before the wheels of KDP released it to the public, but I did not. I took the risk.

My results have been mixed. On one hand, I have not had a lot of readers (except for the 3300 who read it for free in exchange for getting put on my newsletter list.) On the other, the few people who have reviewed it have given it 4.5 stars out of five. It’s a modest success, but that’s not the reason I took the risk. I took it because it was another Big Audacious Goal, one that I could only accomplish through stepping through the door.

Unwinding the Lazy Way

Daily writing prompt

How do you unwind after a demanding day?

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This is not going to be a very exciting answer. If I were a better person than I am, I would say something like meditation or reading, or walking. But the truthful answer is that I come home, recline in the recliner, and surf the Internet on my phone. I kill time in the most prosaic way possible.

I am a voracious reader of minutiae. It comes from wanting to absorb information and having a short attention span. So I binge-read Wikipedia, science websites, and Quora, looking for things to learn. I also like to read advice columns, because I like to know the right things to do in an awkward situation.

Sometimes I fall asleep in the recliner. I guess this is how one really winds down.

One Dollar Coin

Daily writing prompt

Write about a time when you didn’t take action but wish you had. What would you do differently?

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When I was about 11, the music director at the church had put together a children’s choir for Easter. There weren’t many of us, to be sure; it was a small church. We rehearsed in the choir loft on Wednesdays.

On Easter, my friend Kay, who was in the choir, was set in charge of her cousin Denise. Denise was older than us, but she had developmental disabilities and the maturity of a six-year-old. Therefore, she ended up in the choir loft with us. The choir director, Mrs. Rose, said it was okay as long as Kay didn’t let Denise sing because Denise would “ruin the music”.

Denise was crushed. One of her favorite things to do was to sing. As I stood singing, I felt a creeping sense of remorse. This was God’s house, and we were denying Denise an opportunity to worship the one way she knew how. We had decided Denise wasn’t worthy to be heard. This didn’t sound like the God we learned about in Catechism. It didn’t matter to me that Denise would ruin our rehearsed music. I felt the music would be perfect if all our voices were heard.

At the end, Mrs. Rose gave each of us a dollar coin. In those days, a dollar coin was an impressive size and was considered special. I took mine, ashamed of myself for having been one that had rejected Denise. This was my fifty pieces of silver. Soon, I left the choir, and it didn’t last for long after that because there weren’t enough of us.

I tell this story, and most people don’t understand what the big deal was. After all, we had rehearsed for the opportunity, we had a specific sound that Mrs. Rose wanted to capture, and Denise would have ruined it. But I believed that God loved everyone, and that everyone was welcome at God’s table.

Later, much later, I became a Quaker because everyone is welcome at their table. And, if liturgy had been part of their services, they would have let Denise sing.

Six Words That Make Me Nervous

Daily writing prompt

What makes you nervous?

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There are six words that someone can say that make me so nervous, I have to work not to panic. They’re not uncommon words either. All it takes is the phrase “I need to talk to you.” It doesn’t matter if it’s my boss, my husband, or a friend — the phrase makes me spiral.

In my mind, nothing good comes from that phrase. It speaks of being called into the office and reprimanded, or worse. My heart rate goes up, my stomach churns, and my mind searches for what I may have done wrong.

It’s even worse when someone says that to me and they can’t talk to me until the next day. I spend that entire day in near-panic mode. I can lose whole days to the nervousness.

Usually, however, the actual message is not nearly as nerve-wracking as the wait. It’s usually about something like taking on an extra class for the semester or leaving the bath mat on the floor. Nothing worth two days of terror. My mind, however, refuses to believe that the next time someone says “I need to talk to you.”

I advise anyone who says “I need to talk to you” to give me a synopsis of what we’re talking about so I can prepare for the meeting. But really, it’s so I don’t lose my mind worrying.

Using Social Media

Daily writing prompt

How do you use social media?

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There are several types of social media I use to try to drive readers toward my books. This, my blog, is one of the primary ones. It doesn’t seem to succeed very well. I don’t plug my books very often on my blog (Look here if you’re interested) so that might explain my lack of success.

I also promote my books through Loomly, a social media manager. With Loomly, I can schedule blurbs in Threads, Facebook Pages, and Instagram at the same time. I plug my books much more often on Loomly. This also doesn’t seem to succeed very well.

I don’t do a great job at plugging my books. Maybe it’s because my books are one in a million — literally. Just one in a market of indie books that grows exponentially by the year. I think people are innundated with ads for indie books, and there’s no way to know whether they’re good or not. I can’t seem to make mine stand out. I’m not sure anyone can.

It’s not so bad. I think I do a good job writing this blog, which is a reward in its own right. I don’t have too many readers, but they’re increasing. Thank you for reading.

My Mind is Cluttered

Daily writing prompt

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

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My mind is cluttered with memories. I feel overwhelmed with the weight of them sometimes. I remember life before computers, the occasional soda fountain, the years of new wave music, times sitting on the Quad at the University of Illinois, my telephone number growing up, the first time someone gave me flowers.

My mind is like an attic, with boxes sitting in dusty corners, and sometimes something reminds me of a box that is up there. I rummage through the box and find the memory and a lot of other things that lived in the box with the memory. So I remember the Drovers’ concert in the student union, sitting with some friends in a little-used stairwell in the same student union, catching the bus outside the Union, my broken leg that necessitated lots of bus usage in grad school … I’m there exploring a moment of time with a cloud of memories and my feelings at the time.

At age 61, there are a lot of boxes in that attic, Some have been placed more recently than others, and those have less emotional resonance because those boxes are newer. The old boxes, the ones from my childhood and college, are the more poignant to go through. I was younger then, the world has changed from those days, and I can’t bring them back. But I can remember them.