Progress, Sort Of.

I am writing, although my output on this book seems to be more like 600-1000 words a day. I don’t think the book is as unsalvageable as I did before, but I’m still not feeling it.

I think the drop in writing progress is because I don’t have my identity wrapped up in being a writer these days. Most writers, it turns out, sell few or no books, and that means little or no recognition. I became a writer for the wrong reasons, it seems; I wanted people to read my stuff and tell me it was good.

In the midst of that, I found out that I really liked writing. I loved writing in my little world, and I got to know my characters pretty well. I became a writer, in other words.

I don’t know what the remedy is for not feeling like a writer. Is there one?

Productive Day Yesterday

In-between grading final exams

I spent much of yesterday sitting around waiting for final exams in my Happiness class. (Yes, I teach a Happiness class). But I didn’t wait idly (or watch House reruns).

I instead worked on some Canva products branding my contemporary/fantasy romance side. (I still need some logo for my contemporary fantasy line)

So, this was fun

Here’s the logo:

I chose this logo because:

I use small initials to initial items, and so this is my “signature”.
It’s simple — I wasn’t into florid floral patterns
That heart.

Here’s an advertisement:

I highly recommend Canva

I’ve been doing all this work on a web-based design program called Canva. I have exactly one course in design under my belt, and that was 37 years ago. (I didn’t go further in design because of my profound hand-eye coordination problems).

What should I do for my fantasy persona?

Urgk — I don’t mean my persona as a karate-wielding grandma. I mean my professional logo, etc for my fantasy books. I’d like to use the initials again, but what do I dot the j with? Let me know what you think.

Days Pass Slowly

One day feels much like another lately; the heat keeps me from doing much outside and nothing’s going on inside. I’m waiting to hear from an agent, a publisher, and a journal, and that status doesn’t seem like it will ever change. I don’t feel very inspired or very optimistic, so I feel little drive to write or revise.

Times like these, I try to cling onto the belief that I’m a writer. I dream of being published, at least in part because I fantasize about being able to say “Hey, I’m a published author!” The likely reaction from people will be an anticlimactic, “That’s nice.” But it’s a little kid fantasy, an “I’ll show you!” Not very impressive.

Maybe this lapse in writing is good for me, although it does feel like an eroding of my identity. (Why my identity as a professor is not enough puzzles me, but there it is.)

So I wait for something to happen.

Routine and Discipline

Scheduling writing has been a pain lately. Remember yesterday, when I was so excited to write? By the time I drove around Kansas City, visited an intern, and wrote a major homework for my online class, I was no longer in any shape to write.

But that’s why I write the blog every morning — so at least I’ve written something. No matter how short, no matter how trivial, no matter how moody. No matter how much I don’t feel it.

Without routine, I would forget I was a writer during busy times like these. I would forget how to write and all the lessons I’ve learned along the way. I would lose my identity as a writer.

In other words, even when I don’t write, I write.

Seeking direction again

(Note: I am experimenting with larger print for a reader of mine.)

Idea for my next book from the idea file:

Luke Dunstan, 6000-year-old Archetype, serves as a liaison between the immortal Archetypes and the humans whose cultural DNA the Archetypes hold. An edict from the Archetypes’ Maker bids the Archetypes prepare to return these memories in the trust of the humans. Facing their loss of identity, the Archetypes draw battle lines; countless human lives are at stake. It is up to Luke and one young woman, Leah Inhofer, to stop the battle of Archetype against Archetype.

*******

I really need to get back into writing. Or at least editing.

I’ve been editing a bit, but even then I often skip out on it because it’s tedious to go through a document to kill all the extra “have had has was were”. I haven’t written on a novel since finishing Whose Hearts are Mountains in December. I have some old ideas in my file (see above) but no new “a-ha” falling in love with the idea motivation.

Writing the blog every day, as I mentioned yesterday, is my lifeline to writing. As long as I write in my blog I’m still a writer. Right?

I’m afraid that if I keep getting rejections, my current lack of commitment puts me in an easy place to just walk away. This might be a good thing for me in the greater scheme of things, but it’s not good when I think about being a writer.

So I’m musing about what to do. Again.