Self-Sabotage?

I am 15 days from my latest not-so-big audacious goal, writing in this blog for 365 straight days. Yet I keep forgetting to write! Luckily, I catch myself before the day is over, but all it would take is one day of forgetting entirely, and I would be back at zero.

I don’t really like all or nothing goals like this. They’re less about performance than persistence. ButI’ve been doing this blogging for 350 days, so…

Update — not knowing

Sorry I have not written lately — I’m still feeling discouraged, still struggling. I’ve sent the rest of my queries out for Prodigies, and I know there’s always a chance one of the agents sends me a request for a whole manuscript. If I don’t get a nibble, I’m not sure what to do next with Prodigies.

I mean this literally. I don’t know what to do.

My friend Lynn tells me that it’s okay not to know. I do very poorly with not knowing. It might have to do with my disordered childhood, but there it is: I don’t like not knowing. I don’t like not having a plan B, and right now I don’t.

Except I do. I have Voyageurs in dev edit, and I can ship it out next. I will send Apocalypse to the developmental editor next, and there are other novels to be dev edited.

I don’t know when to quit, perhaps. I don’t know how to quit.

Maybe if I found something else that fulfills me as much as writing does, I would quit it. But I haven’t.

PS: I may be having mood swings right now because of the high stress of finals. Please be patient.