Two days in a van did not yield any inspiration. However, a couple new developments in my writing life occurred, one good, one bad.

The bad first: A submission of mine on Submittable was rejected. I’m not surprised; I haven’t been able to find this particular story a home. Maybe it’s not a good story. I like it, but I consider myself a proud mom of what might just be an unlikeable kid. I get lots of rejections as a writer; I keep trying.

The good development: my niece is working on the sketches for the cover of my latest novel, Reclaiming the Balance, and it is coming along nicely. Looks like I have no excuses for not publishing it this January.

I don’t know a single writer who doesn’t have imposter syndrome (Ok, I know one who appears not to; he’s insufferable). We all take rejections hard, and when facing success, we feel like we don’t deserve it. I’m not sure why the insecurities but they seem like a universal.

I will keep on plugging, keep on editing the novels I have in reserve, and keep on waiting for inspiration for some short stories.

Feeling the Tension

I’m once again querying, sending out a manuscript and all the trimmings to agents looking to see if any of them want to represent my book.

It’s a nerve-wracking proposition, especially as I have had no luck so far with getting agents to look. It’s difficult putting one’s best work out there, not knowing if this time it will get some traction. Face it, rejection is difficult to face, and no, I am not used to it.

I’ve sent ten queries out today and I don’t expect to hear from any of them today, as it’s Sunday. Tomorrow, the early rejectors will reply, and I will wait on the others as I send out more queries. I’ve done this before.

I have made some important changes to this version, some having to do with grammar throughout and the more important ones having to do with something I should never have attempted with the story.

Wish me luck!

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Blessings in Disguise

I have a tendency to feel rejections keenly, thinking that they are a personal judgment of me. But what if they’re blessings? What if they’re there to keep me from really embarrassing myself with a mediocre (or worse) submission?

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I’ve been going over old works I have written. I’ve written so many half-developed character sketches that aren’t stories, so many poems of the same, with no hook. Novels with plot twists that became deal-breakers.

I’m not a poor writer, but I want to be a better one. I want to be accepted for publication more often. Someday I want to have a novel professionally published. This won’t start happening unless I see these rejections as blessings in disguise. (Or even if I do, I suppose, but I’d like to be optimistic.)

Years of growth

The background

Three years ago, I sent a manuscript to a major publisher who took direct submissions (as opposed to only agent-pitched works). I was optimistic about the manuscript, as I am always optimistic while sending manuscripts off.

I shouldn’t have been, I guess. Three years later, I received an email from the editor, form letter, that said they rejected the manuscript.

Three years later! I forgot I had written them. I don’t remember what manuscript I sent them!

Gratitude

I am grateful for the rejection. It wasn’t the nicest or most personal rejection I’ve gotten, but it is by far one of the best. Three years ago I wasn’t as good a writer as I am now. I have learned much in those three years and improved my manuscripts with the help of developmental editors and re-edits. Looking back, I wouldn’t have been proud of that document if it had been accepted.

So I will try again with another book (if I can figure out which book) and a new cover letter and send them another, if I can bear the three-year wait time. Ok, maybe not.

Catch me in the comments

What’s the best rejection you’ve ever had?

Hope and the Writer

Sometimes I feel like Sisyphus

Getting (traditionally) published seems like an endless bout of submit, rejection, revise, repeat. Like Sisyphus with that rock he kept pushing up that hill. I admit that, when I get a rejection, I feel like that boulder has rumbled over me. But then, after a few minutes mourning, I appreciate the opportunity to try again.

Then hope sets in

I can’t stay sad for too long when there are revisions that can be made (to my document or to my query materials), submissions to make, and new possibilities that I have to check out. What pushes me forward is hope — hope that I have a better product, that someone sees promise in it, and that I will finally get the chance to show my stories to other people.

Hope carries me

Hope carries me past the rejections, past the self-flagellation, past the desire to give up. With hope, each round of submissions is new as I try something else. Perhaps I will give up and self-publish, but self-publishing doesn’t push me toward excellence as much as trying to get traditionally published does. Hope is a heady sensation, like the sunlight on a June day, whispering “Maybe this time … “

Optimism in the Face of Rejection

Optimism is hard to manage sometimes. I always take risks with optimism that they will improve my future, and for the last six years, they have not panned out. I can’t be specific with the particulars, but let’s say I have put myself forward for a lot of opportunities only to not be chosen.

I’m working on not feeling sorry for myself and seeing this latest failure as room for other opportunities. The people around me with more faith in God would say that God is waiting for the right moment to open up new opportunities. I don’t think God is that hands-on, given how many people in the world there are. I don’t think God reserves this for His (and I deliberately use “his” here) True Believers. And I don’t think a God would hold me back from some of the most excellent opportunities I did not succeed in. So I have to believe that if there are new opportunities that will actually become fruitful, I have not seen them yet. I have to believe in “yet”.

Or maybe I am taking the wrong opportunities. I have been trying the last six (at least) years to re-invent myself. Ever since I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on medication, I have changed as a person — no elation, no depression, no excitement unless I have a compelling goal, less enthusiastic, more introverted, less charming. I have felt too rooted and unfulfilled in my life, especially 5 years from retirement, and at the same time not manic enough to chuck everything away and move to Thailand.

If I don’t try, I will never get where I want. But I hate trying for something when so much of it is out of my control. And reinventing myself requires the outside world. All I can do, though, is be optimistic. God, if you’re listening, point me toward the right opportunity.

What I’ve Learned from Failure

I didn’t have to deal with failure in my childhood (except for those crushes that were never requited). I wasn’t quite a child genius, but I was gifted. I managed to get to college almost entirely on scholarships including a National Merit Scholarship. I got on the honor roll despite the most perfunctory study habits.

I came to failure late and hard. Particularly in submitting my writing, particularly novels. I have received enough rejection to paper my room.

What I have learned about rejection:

Don’t take it personally. If I have given my best, after reading guides on how to write, writing, editing, beta-reading, revising, and the like, it’s probably that my writing doesn’t fit the agent’s list or the journal’s theme I have learned, for example, that my poetry is not High Concept, as it doesn’t get published in high concept journals. This doesn’t surprise me because my Ph.D. is not in English/Creative Writing. My short stories are also not High Concept, being firmly lodged in the category of fantasy, romantic fantasy, and space opera. There are some places I’m more likely to get published in than others.
See what you can learn from it. I have had to grow as a writer by asking myself, “What is the takeaway from this?” I had to get rid of my perfunctory habits once I realized that one didn’t turn in one’s first draft (in my defense, it had very few grammatical or spelling errors). I read a lot of material on writing because of rejection.
Try again. Always try again.

Staying Positive

I deleted my last entry because it was not very positive. I was writing about the querying process, and like many others who have gone through the process, I was dwelling on past rejections and declaring failure before anyone even read my queries.

For those of you who are not writers, querying is a formalized process for authors to court potential agents. The author assembles a packet according to the agent’s instructions, which usually includes a biography, a cover letter, and an excerpt to a book. Other things might be asked for, like comp (comparable) titles, a pitch (a one line teaser for the book) or “where do you get your ideas?”

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To query, one must become accustomed to rejection. It is certainly not recommended to those with tender feelings or those without a growth mindset. Even now that I’ve done this before, my optimism is tempered with a cautious self-protection.

I have sent out 10 queries for the book Prodigies, which is a New Adult contemporary fantasy. I have revised this book a great deal from the first time, having learned more about the shape of a novel.

Wish me luck.

Not getting picked for a team

Getting no likes at PitMad feels like not being chosen for the kickball teams in grade school. It’s not current trauma, it’s past trauma that complicates the feeling. I tell myself that PitMad doesn’t determine my worth or the worth of my books.

It is a setback, sure, just as it has been with other #PitMads and #SFFPits. But it’s more a testimony on my ability to write pitches, the matter of thousands of pitches flowing across Twitter at the same time, the glut of submissions in fantasy writing.

I need to find a way around this. Maybe improving my pitches will help. Maybe I should work on making my query letters better (which I am doing).

I can just quit or I can beat my head against the wall — or I can improve. And, I guess, pray.

What do I do now?

“I’m just not as compelled by your story as I would like.”

This pretty much summarizes the rejections I have gotten lately, and I wish I could interpret the message so I can improve my books. What does this mean? What would it take to be compelling?

I’m frustrated and don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t know whether it’s just their taste or the popularity of my current memes or my writing.

I don’t know where I can send my work for review because my work has already been through a developmental editor and beta readers. Is there a type of editor for “not compelling enough”?

I don’t mind criticism is there’s an idea of how to remedy. I have nothing to go on here.

Any ideas, readers?