Missing Out on My Big Audacious Goal

I have given up on my Big Audacious Goal for this year, which was having a booth at an author’s conference. I believe it the goal was too big and audacious for me, which is a hard thing to admit.

I have promoted my books at small appearances — a book fair in Maryville, MO, another in St. Joseph. I handle those fine because they’re small and local. A conference feels threatening to my somewhat introverted self. I see myself as an indie author, and I don’t enjoy comparing myself to people who get publishing contracts. This is my little hobby, as long as I’m still employed full-time in my day job.

Is the amount of sales and exposure worth a table fee and a conference visit? If Gateway Con in St. Louis was still operational, I’d say yes. That was a small and valuable conference that gave me a lot in return. I could sit a table there. A bigger conference, maybe not. I’ll be honest — I’m intimidated by ‘real authors’. I feel like an impostor in those settings.

I’m thinking of another Big Audacious Goal. In the middle of an indolent summer, none are coming to me. Little goals: Have my Loomly calendar (promotion) set up through January 1. (Done). Set up Kringle Through the Snow for October 1 publication. (Done). Prepare Reclaiming the Balance for January 1 publication (in process; still a bit chicken). Blog daily (so far, so good). Finish Carrying Light (almost done).

No Big Audacious Goals yet. Can anyone suggest one for a sleepy indie author?

The Conference

Sorry I haven’t written for a couple of days, but I’ve been busy busy at the conference. It’s been a very positive experience, and here are some of the things I’ve learned:

A lot of the people here write science fiction and fantasy. And the stories are all very different from each other.
Character may be more important than plot in hooking an agent in.
My work is good — I was told by one editor that my work was “going places.” I hope so.
The same editor told me I need to back off on the novels (high effort) and start writing some short stories to submit to journals. I have 5-6 novels, none sold yet. He is probably right.
The same editor teased me about my character padding her calves to look like a man, saying that several females he knew had more muscular calves than he did. Well, shit.
Comp titles (“Twilight meets Hunger Games”) really exist for a reason.
I made a friend who’s about my age who introduced me to Broad Universe, a writing space for women (love the pun) and might get me into a critique group if there’s a space.
I made another friend in Kansas City (about my age) who writes stuff with similar worldview quirk (turning mythologies on their head).
I need to put the fact that I was a runner-up in Cook Publishing’s Short Story contest in my query letter.
I need a business plan
I need a marketing plan (this blog is part of it)
I need to quit using so many dashes — and ellipses …
The conference has coffee service ALL DAY.

That’s probably not everything, but the experience has been affirming and I’m a little giddy thinking about it. I’m sure the impostor syndrome will take hold tomorrow, but for now, I feel like a writer.

Waiting for Things to Happen

I’m drinking coffee in my room while I write this, hoping for a productive conference.
The writers’ conference starts at 9 CDT and I already have some ideas for places to get peer reviews. I have to remember to give business cards — I have plenty. Networking does not come naturally to me, especially as I have a hearing problem that’s getting worse with time.

During the conference, I have a pitch session and a session with an editor during the conference (short selection, not the whole book) and a 5×5 critique session during this conference.

Anything to get better — my only fear is that my book doesn’t have good bones. By “bones”, I mean the bedrock of the book. Ok, enough of the metaphors — the basic idea and structure of the book, the language, the characters, the plot.

I still have a manuscript out at DAW (Prodigies); not expecting them to bite, but there’s always hope. Apocalypse is back in dev edit, and the editor is doing a thorough pass after all the changes I made. My dev editor (shout out for Chelsea Harper here) says she believes in Apocalypse. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Short note

So the writers’ conference is tomorrow. I’ll be going out there today because it’s a five hour drive from here and I’m impatient. I’m as prepared as I can manage — all packed, with copies of the first few pages of Prodigies for further critique/editorial exercise, business cards, my pitch (which I really need to memorize, because it’s succinct as it should be), my business casual garb.

My friends assure me I’m already a writer, so I have this. I think my idea is to have fun with this and see where it gets me.

Thank you, friends!

Petrified

I’m going to this writers’ conference this weekend, and I’m petrified.

I shouldn’t be. I have been to many professional conferences, presented my work in front of other professionals in my field, taught 25 years of classes — but I’m petrified of going to this conference.

I can count the reasons:

Because now I have to admit I’m a writer
Because I don’t know how I come off in person
Because I’m going to be around real published writers, of which I’m not one
Because I have handed off ten pages of Prodigies in an editorial review and I don’t know what ELSE I’ll be expected to change.
Because I’ll be giving a verbal pitch to real people instead of just online
Just because

I have no choice but to go. This is going to be a learning experience for me. Probably not my big opportunity, but a learning experience.

Deep breath.