I see the light at the end of the edit!

I am done with the revision of Gaia’s Hands! I think I finally have it in a place where I like it, although it definitely needs some revision on the revision as any good novel would.

This is momentous, because Gaia’s Hands is the first novel I ever wrote.

To give you some background — I had a dream. And it was a pretty raunchy dream, raunchier than the book finally ended up, but it was also romantic. So I kept interrogating the dream, and particularly its characters, and it kept developing further.

I kept writing excerpts of the dream and its spun gossamer threads, and I kept making my husband read them. (My husband is very patient.) After maybe a half-dozen of these, Richard said, “If you’re going to write all these stories on the same topic, you might as well write a novel.”

“I can’t write a novel!” I squeaked. “It’s too long! I don’t know how to write plots!”

“Try,” he said.

So I wrote the first draft, and didn’t like it. I then wrote several other drafts, adding voiceovers and deleting them, adding a couple new characters, deleting them, turning it into a novella, giving up on that. and leaving the story in the metaphorical drawer for a while only to start again. Toward the end of the process, I handed it off to a writing coach, who pointed out that there were so many editing errors from having gone through it so many times my eyes bled, She also informed me that Gaia’s Hands was, in fact, a romance novel and I should emphasize that.

This was a revelation. I knew there was a romance involved, but there was also this fantasy element of Jeanne’s talent and Josh’s visions and the build toward a miracle at the end. Primary to the book, however, was Josh and Jeanne’s unorthodox relationship with its age difference.

So I emphasized that romance, not forgetting the fantasy elements, but using the romance as the backbone of the story. Jeanne and Josh, it turns out, make a great couple. They fight and break up in a totally believable style, and come back to each other within a week just as believably. And they make sense as the unprepared wielders of talents that come from — Japanese spirits? Gaia?

I think I’m happy with Gaia’s Hands. I think.

Ego, or Facing My Prejudice About Romance

I’m adjusting to the fact that I write romantic fantasy or fantasy romance. Fantasy romance is romance with fantasy conventions; romantic fantasy is fantasy with romantic elements. Given this dichotomy, Gaia’s Hands (the bastard child of my works that I’m currently editing) is fantasy romance, while the others are romantic fantasy.

I think I’ve internalized a subgroup’s perception of romance as tacky and trivial. I admit titles like “The Billionaire’s New Secretary” make me cringe because of the obvious and outdated gender roles (but at the same time they’re making more money than I am).

Romance sells like popcorn at a movie theater, at the same time that the readership of other genres are decreasing. Because it sells, I might have a better chance at getting my books read. At the same time, there’s part of me (the egotistical part) that thinks my books have to Mean Something. At this point I would best chat with my ego and point out that High Art sitting on my computer isn’t doing any good.

I’m not writing Books That Mean Something. I hopefully am writing books that people care about. That’s where I want to be, and my ego better clear out and let me do it.

Refining writing

I can’t motivate to write today. Maybe it’s because I had a long (compressed) work week with my first full days of class and I’m bushed. Maybe it’s because I got up later and am just drinking my coffee. Maybe it’s because there are no cookies in the house. At any rate I’m going to motivate myself to write starting with this blog.

Part of my struggle is wondering whether I’ll ever get published. Self-publishing has taken the edge off my desire to get traditionally published. At the same time, I do want to accomplish getting traditionally published. I just need the drive.

I have writing to do. I need to rewrite/write Gaia’s Hands (the book I most complain about) and edit another older book, Reclaiming the Balance. I would like to write a new one from scratch but I just wrote Kringle in the Night so it’s not time for a new book. It’s time to move out writing, complete writing, refine writing.

Oh, and just for you, I’m posting Bernie Sanders’ visit to my university:

Complexities in my writing.

I’m slowly getting through my work in progress. And I mean slowly.

Given it’s a revision from a previous version, I have pieces I can put in there and revise, but then there’s all the romance parts to put in and then there’s the flow and …

This book is less fun and more work. Just plain work.

I don’t understand why I keep putting it down. It seems like a simple story. It’s a love story of two people with unusual gifts and a destiny they’re not aware of. And an antagonist who seems like they’re involved in mundane affairs but is trying to keep them from their destiny. Ok, so maybe it’s not so simple. I think there are four or five plots running here:

Jeanne and Josh fall in love
Jeanne and Josh face their destiny despite obstacles:

Jeanne tries to get full professorship despite opposition
Jeanne and Josh explore Jeanne’s talent
Jeanne’s talent gets exposed at Barn Swallows’ Dance
Battle with opposition

Jeanne’s development
Josh’s development

Ok, The subplots make it difficult, but they’re needed because the situation changes from the first to the second half of the book. The

protagonists think everything will be okay once Jeanne gets full professorship, and then they find out that’s just the beginning. And they explore Jeanne’s talent, but they don’t discover the talent is the reason for the persecution until Barn Swallows’ Dance. All this for a romance novel.

Yes, other than the Kringle novels, my writing is pretty complex. I forgot how complex. AAArgh.

Once again, writers’ block

I’m making progress on Gaia’s Hands, BUT. I just got to the second half, and inspiration is not sitting over my shoulder and whispering ideas in my ear. I am currently in search of a muse, because I bid the last one farewell (it was time).

I know why the block is happening. I’m writing a romance novel, and this is the part of the book where everything goes south and … I have trouble writing breakups, even if I assure myself they’ll get together three chapters later (there’s actually a formula for romance novels. But there is also a formula for all good novels, supposedly. Google “Save the Cat” for details).

It’s the weekend, and I’m alone most of the day, so I want to write. I’ll set a modest goal — 1000 words and/or at least 2 hours editing a day. I think I’ll need to lay down some backbone notes to get this going.

Wish me luck.

Living a double life

I’m definitely half-asleep. I started thinking about writing in this blog and then closed my eyes and started planning exam questions in Personal Adjustment (my positive psychology course for spring semester). I wish it was chapters of my work in progress; that would have been much more helpful at this moment.

I have a double-life. I teach, and when I’m not teaching, I write. And they’re two different worlds. I teach psychology and human services classes, and I do research occasionally on things like credit card use and euphemisms in advertising. I have about 90 students in a semester, including the internship students.

So in a few days, my days will be more absorbed in teaching and zoom meetings and the like. I will find time to write, and I might even write better because I have breaks from writing. Ironic, maybe, but that’s how it often works for me.

I look forward to retiring, but that won’t be for at least five years given the health insurance situation. Unless a miracle (the Powerball) happens, in which case I will retire early. So odds are (about a million to one) I will have the double life for a while longer.

Losing my Will to Write

I’m losing the will to get published.

It was my big goal for 2020, and I fulfilled it through self-publishing The Kringle Conspiracy. I got to do all the things I wanted to do with that publication — a book launch party, signing books. I didn’t sell many copies with royalties so far at $37, but it got the attention I thought it would get.

Now, I don’t feel the need to get published, which was the factor driving me to write. I am sitting on several books in the fantasy genre, and I’m having a horribly hard time getting the attention of agents. One has been sitting at DAW for so long with no response that I think it has mummified. I don’t want to self-publish them because I don’t know how to market them as they deserve.

So right now there is no stretch goal. There is no goal at all for my writing, and this is hard to struggle against. If anyone has any ideas for how I can get my mojo back, please let me know.

My life in writing

There’s days I’ve sat at my computer screen and ask myself, “What can I say that I haven’t already said?” And not just my blog, but stories in general?

Christopher Booker, in his book The Seven Basic Plots, holds that there are (you got it) seven basic plots in fiction out there, and that they all share one basic metaplot: being called to the action, a positive, almost dreamlike state, frustration, meeting the enemy, and resolution. If this is the case, nothing I write is original — unless you take into account the characters (especially the protagonist(s)), the setting, the specifics of the plot, etc. The reader expects the plot but revels in the journey to the end.

And so I keep writing, because I care about the characters first and foremost, and want to see how they fare on the journey. I want to see their journeys.

And I want to see my journey as well. In all of my posts, there is a journey, although sometimes (especially in writing Gaia’s Hands) I go in circles in the wilderness. My journey is not as sharp and clean as a novel or short story, and it doesn’t seem to have a plot. I doubt my memoirs will be worth reading. But as a series of essays, it may not be too bad.

Ask Myself

Do I feel like more of a writer since self-publishing The Kringle Conspiracy?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. I finally got a novel into the hands of readers (not many but) who liked it, I got to sign copies, I got to advertise it a bit, I got my hands on a paperback copy.

Will I self-publish another book?

Most certainly I will publish the sequel next Christmas time, I will.

What about all those other books I’m sitting on? The fantasies?

I’d love to get those traditionally published, but the shape of trad publishing and my inability to get traction does not encourage me. Alternately, I may put those into the self-publishing marketplace (aka Amazon) if I give up in frustration. There is one (Gaia’s Hands) that could go self-published, as it’s another romance novel.

Will I ever give up writing?

I don’t think so. It’s grown on me. I love creating, and I’m really bad at knitting.

My Temperament Today

So I’m listening to Apple Music’s Acoustic Christmas playlist and getting a bit weepy. I hope it’s just the stress of the end of the semester getting to me. Or the allergy to benzoyl peroxide I’m still dealing with after 2 days. Or the frustration at trying to write and not quite getting my hooks into the main male character. Or the book itself. Or COVID.

I hear that writers are temperamental. I’m pretty temperamental at times, so I guess that’s part of the job description. I try not to be temperamental, because I need to be nice to my husband, so usually I just announce how I’m feeling. Just like I did above.

Being honest about my feelings allows me to take them out and look at them and ask myself if the reasoning behind them (if there is reasoning) is true or a misgiving. And then, what can I do about it? Vent, write, distract myself, make something happen?

Today is split between vegging/taking care of myself and doing something. Confronting my novel in pieces. Interrogating Josh again. Something.